Hey James! So I have a really weird question. I’m really into the idea of denial and usually edge myself, but I want to try it with my boyfriend. The problem is I can’t orgasm. I can do it myself, but I’ve never been able to during activities with someone else. I’ve been faking it forever. So, my question is, is it even denial if I don’t/can’t orgasm anyway? Because, I feel like I could never have the full experience :/
You’ve got a few options here. If you can cum by yourself but just not with a partner then it’s usually a case of practising being more relaxed with them, communicating about where you’re at, and teaching them what works for you.
Being more relaxed can be as simple as having a drink or two before you get it on, alcohol is an extraordinarily effective emotional lubricant (not more than that though, you barely want to be tipsy, let alone anything more). It is also of course about just feeling comfortable, sexy and horny – all of which can be helped by edging yourself beforehand.
In terms of communication the simplest one is ‘playing a game’ where they have to try to keep you on the edge. well that’s what you tell them anyway. It’s actually about them learning to make you cum, but we don’t tell them that. Use a scale of one to ten where ten is cumming, and have them rub, lick and vibe you as you tell them what number you’re on. The game is to keep you at nine for as long as possible, but also, to finally cum, for now at least.
And then in terms of teaching, it’s about showing them what works, using their hands, mouths, and toys. Do NOT expect to cum from being fucked. Only about 30% of women ever do, and if you make that your goal right now you’ll be disappointed. Get cumming from the above sorted and then you can move onto that.
HAVING SAID ALL THAT, you might decide you prefer the fucked up denial slut path. Because it absolutely IS edging and denial if you can’t cum anyway. You’ll have just the same impact of getting horny and needy and all the benefits we know flow from that.
Just you make it a determined choice. You fake it, on purpose, because it drives you so crazy to be pretending to cum just so you are denied. You channel your lust and desperation into their orgasms. You choose to be denied.
And not just by them. No more cumming by your own hand either.
Make it a choice, be denied. And watch what happens…
I know which I’d pick for you.