And What Will It Do?
A ruined orgasm is when you stop all stimulation at the very onset of an orgasm, and in some cases possibly before, and then just letting the body carry the orgasm forward. The orgasm will happen, but without stimulation there will be no satisfaction. So whether you’re using toys, hands, fingers, etc, when you know that orgasm is just starting or about to start, pull away everything! And let the orgasm happen without touching yourself.
Men and women will experience a ruined orgasm differently in how it is expressed. A man’s ruined orgasm will not spurt cum, it will just sort of dribble out. A woman’s ruined orgasm will look like pulsing, because her muscles will still be contracting in an orgasm, but nothing will be there for it to grab onto.
There will be a period afterwards where arousal will be even greater than usual following a ruined orgasm because all that pent up energy you’ve accumulated prior to the ruin will remain. Many will feel themselves in an even more heightened state, often feeling quite sensitive in many areas of the body. It can leave you feeling more desperate for a full satisfying orgasm. Some may use ruined orgasms as treats/rewards, which can seem strange but when you are being denied/edged for so long, a ruined orgasm is still a type or orgasm!
I’m not sure what would happen if you ruined every time, or very often. I’d be interested to read anyone’s thoughts on this.
One thing I’ve read a lot and experienced is a type of guilt or feelings of failure when you have an unintentional ruin. Perhaps it was just meant to be an edge, but you went a smidge too far and it turned into an orgasm. Accidents happen! And those new to denial should remember that you are just that, new! You need to learn your body, and where your limits are. You need to learn where the edge is. And the edge might be somewhere different depending on what you use. I have found that I can get very very close to orgasm before pulling away when using fingers, but that I have to back off much sooner when humping things like a pillow. Find your own way, and don’t be upset if you accidentally ruin while getting there. It’s just one more learning experience.
If you accidentally ruin, there are a few things you could do. If you have a partner that you are accountable to, you must tell them and they may punish you if they see fit/it was agreed upon ahead of time. If you are doing denial solo, you might consider a few days of no touch. At the very least, do not touch for the rest of that day. Some might find the spike of arousal as punishment enough (seriously, it’s like having fire in my veins. I can’t sit still, and I can’t relax).
What To Do When You Actually Orgasm (A Real, Fulfilled Orgasm!)
I don’t think I have to go into how to give yourself/someone else an orgasm, that’s all up to you and how you want to play. These were a couple ideas I gave my husband, since we are already sure of how to give me an orgasm, so I wanted him to know how to give a denied girl a better experience.
- Definitely tease the denied person to make them anticipate it. Depending on what kind of teasing they like, it could be “Yay, you get to orgasm in 30 days! It’ll be here before you know it!”; or something more cruel like “I can’t believe it’s going to be 30 whole days before you can orgasm. That’s such a long time, how will you ever make it?” See what I did there?
- Make the denied person work for their orgasm! When it’s O time, don’t just go straight for it. Edge yourself/them a few times first, make them earn it.
- If you have a partner that is denied, make them beg you not to orgasm. Yeah, you heard me. You know they’re going to have an orgasm, and they know they’re going to have an orgasm. But knowing it’s O-day and having to beg you not to let you orgasm is such a mind-fuck. It makes you wonder if they changed their mind… To make it worse/more realistic, have them beg not to orgasm while you edge them, and when they hit the edge, stop stimulation and say “well that was going to be your orgasm but you begged so convincingly!” – but in the end, definitely give them their damn orgasm!
- When the real orgasm happens, make it explosive. Draw it out. Even try multiple orgasms as this point because why not? It’s back to denial the next day.
Check out the full article: Orgasm Denial 101
A great write up on one of the topics I’m asked about most often.