Tag : ruined-orgasm

What is a Ruined Orgasm?


And What Will It Do?

A ruined orgasm is when you stop all stimulation at the very onset of an orgasm, and in some cases possibly before, and then just letting the body carry the orgasm forward. The orgasm will happen, but without stimulation there will be no satisfaction. So whether you’re using toys, hands, fingers, etc, when you know that orgasm is just starting or about to start, pull away everything! And let the orgasm happen without touching yourself.

Men and women will experience a ruined orgasm differently in how it is expressed. A man’s ruined orgasm will not spurt cum, it will just sort of dribble out. A woman’s ruined orgasm will look like pulsing, because her muscles will still be contracting in an orgasm, but nothing will be there for it to grab onto.

There will be a period afterwards where arousal will be even greater than usual following a ruined orgasm because all that pent up energy you’ve accumulated prior to the ruin will remain. Many will feel themselves in an even more heightened state, often feeling quite sensitive in many areas of the body. It can leave you feeling more desperate for a full satisfying orgasm. Some may use ruined orgasms as treats/rewards, which can seem strange but when you are being denied/edged for so long, a ruined orgasm is still a type or orgasm!

I’m not sure what would happen if you ruined every time, or very often. I’d be interested to read anyone’s thoughts on this.

One thing I’ve read a lot and experienced is a type of guilt or feelings of failure when you have an unintentional ruin. Perhaps it was just meant to be an edge, but you went a smidge too far and it turned into an orgasm. Accidents happen! And those new to denial should remember that you are just that, new! You need to learn your body, and where your limits are. You need to learn where the edge is. And the edge might be somewhere different depending on what you use. I have found that I can get very very close to orgasm before pulling away when using fingers, but that I have to back off much sooner when humping things like a pillow. Find your own way, and don’t be upset if you accidentally ruin while getting there. It’s just one more learning experience.

If you accidentally ruin, there are a few things you could do. If you have a partner that you are accountable to, you must tell them and they may punish you if they see fit/it was agreed upon ahead of time. If you are doing denial solo, you might consider a few days of no touch. At the very least, do not touch for the rest of that day. Some might find the spike of arousal as punishment enough (seriously, it’s like having fire in my veins. I can’t sit still, and I can’t relax).

What To Do When You Actually Orgasm (A Real, Fulfilled Orgasm!)

I don’t think I have to go into how to give yourself/someone else an orgasm, that’s all up to you and how you want to play. These were a couple ideas I gave my husband, since we are already sure of how to give me an orgasm, so I wanted him to know how to give a denied girl a better experience.

  • Definitely tease the denied person to make them anticipate it. Depending on what kind of teasing they like, it could be “Yay, you get to orgasm in 30 days! It’ll be here before you know it!”; or something more cruel like “I can’t believe it’s going to be 30 whole days before you can orgasm. That’s such a long time, how will you ever make it?” See what I did there?
  • Make the denied person work for their orgasm! When it’s O time, don’t just go straight for it. Edge yourself/them a few times first, make them earn it.
  • If you have a partner that is denied, make them beg you not to orgasm. Yeah, you heard me. You know they’re going to have an orgasm, and they know they’re going to have an orgasm. But knowing it’s O-day and having to beg you not to let you orgasm is such a mind-fuck. It makes you wonder if they changed their mind… To make it worse/more realistic, have them beg not to orgasm while you edge them, and when they hit the edge, stop stimulation and say “well that was going to be your orgasm but you begged so convincingly!” – but in the end, definitely give them their damn orgasm!
  • When the real orgasm happens, make it explosive. Draw it out. Even try multiple orgasms as this point because why not? It’s back to denial the next day.

Check out the full article: Orgasm Denial 101

A great write up on one of the topics I’m asked about most often.

How do you ruin an orgasm? Sorry if that’s a stupid question. I’m new to this kinda thing

It’s not stupid at all, lots of the old descriptions have been deleted in the tumblr purge, but any questions are always welcome.

Ruining an orgasm at it’s simplest is stopping stimulation just as you go over the point of no return into cumming. It’s pretty intense, as your body is so used to having a huge amount of pleasure at this point, but instead it just gets nothing, it’s a real mindfuck. 

So why on earth would anyone want to do that you might ask.

Well, for those exploring denial part of the joy of it is the constant buzz and well being you feel from being aroused – you feel very ‘alive’, what I call the Denial High.

When you cum you lose this in many cases, but if you ruin an orgasm you don’t get the same cocktail of hormones released and you’ll tend to find yourself really horny again, sometimes even more so, in half an hour or so.

The other is it’s definitely masochistic, taking away the pleasure you expect to experience. So that might work for you, or be inflicted upon you.

For lots of ruined orgasm guides, captions and images check out my bdsmlr:


I didn’t cum for 2 and half weeks, cause I couldn’t meet with my partner and I have a rule that only other people can give me an orgasm and today I masturbated in my dream, but I knowed that I can’t cum so I ruined it and a woke up for that I had a ruined orgasm in the reality also. I think thats awesome! 😍

That is SO GREAT!!!!

Isn’t the mind an amazing thing. 

I guess technically all ‘hands free’ orgasms are ruined because you don’t rub through the pleasure but my actual experience with them is that if you take someone over the edge with just words and thoughts they get a full orgasm. 

So you ruining it, omg I love you already anon.

Now see if you can do it while awake…

Could you or your followers explain ruined orgasms? My partner and I are beginning to get into denial and I’d like her to try ruining her orgasm for me, but neither of us is too sure how that works. Does she need to just stop once she feels herself beginning to cum or is there something else to it?

Hi anon,

That’s the basic principle, yes. A ruined orgasm is one where you take yourself past the point of no return (PONR) but as soon as you do you stop all stimulation, and get the complete mindfuck of feeling what should have been amazing just explode into nothingness. Kinda like a reverse big bang.

The experience can be very variable, both for the same person and between what happens with different people. Some can stop like that and it still feel pretty good, others, it’s like the bottom falls out of their world.

The consistent benefits are

  • It is wonderfully masochistic without having to inflict pain, instead it’s the taking of pleasure, and it’s really fucking hot indulging sadistic and masochistic desires with this
  • You can make it worse by repeating them, three or four ruins will reduce most people to a quivering blob of unsated desire
  • the biggest benefit though, is that for many, it does nothing to satisfy your sex drive. It’ll wipe it out for 20-30 minutes, but after that, it’ll hit you again like a train, sometimes even worse than before. Fuck yeah

There’s two key ways to add to it, one is adding penetration – it’s far more impactful for most women to not only stop stimulating their clit but also to have a toy or cock pulled out of them just as they begin to climax. Your pussy literally clenches on nothing and it makes it much worse.

The other is to build up to it, I love getting women to ‘practise’ ruining, doing a countdown when they are close, making them edge and fuck then pull out, not when they’ve gone past the PONR but just before it, so they get all amped up for it, it extends the torment beautifully.

Lastly, my ongoing mindfuck with ruins, is making her choose them. If she’s earned an orgasm, just as she’s about to have it, put the choice before her, ‘I could let you cum baby, but you know, if you’d prefer it, I could ruin it? What would you like, princess?’

So, fucking, evil.

A common goal when teaching someone denial, long term, is to take a woman to the point where a ruin is all she hopes for. That her orgasms are so rare that when she can’t take being denied any more, she begs for a ruin by default. It’s so fucked up, and so hot.

‘A cum is a ruin and a ruin is a cum’ is a mantra she might be repeating over and over, just to fuck with her. Only deep dark masochists need apply for that one!

This will be a good one for you. I worked myself up for the past few days in anticipation for my newest rabbit – Instant O, from Evolved. Tonight, after 60 mins of play time, right when I was about to have an orgasm, I accdentically held the power button off while attempting to put more pressure on my g spot and bam. Ruined. So. Frustrated.

‘Accidentally’ huh.

I don’t think so.

Your subconcious mind is a denial bitch.

You’re so fucked <3

Hi James. I used to orgasm when I play with myself but yesterday I decided to start my denial journey. I got so close to an orgasm and I pulled my hand away. At that very desperate moment my pussy clenched and I think I got a ruined as I wanted to touch it more. Is there anyway to avoid any orgasm including ruined orgasms? Btw love your blog <3

Just stop a little earlier, sweetie. Well done though.

Practise will make perfect!

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I’ve been edging scrolling through your blog all night, for like 2 hours at least, planning to have a really good orgasm to knock me off to sleep at the end of it… When I accidentally pushed myself over the edge with just a fingertip on my asshole! Wtf! I feel cheated!

It just takes that one asshole to tip you over…

Perhaps your body knew what it wanted.

fuckk James I’ve been reading denial posts for over an hour without touching and then as soon as I started rubbing my clit I hit the edge, and then I bounced back up a few times and pulled away and was trying to hold off but fell over – I wasn’t trying to ruin and I started rubbing again to try and make it a full one but it was too late and I was already oversensitive and couldn’t cum fully. fuck ff ufkc I can’t believe I wasted what would have been such an incredible orgasm :( -amanda

Oh Amanda,

It wasn’t a waste.

It was just what you needed.

A nice ruin to fuck with you and make you hornier than you even were before.