Tag : anorgasmia

James I just had to tell you this, I’m not normally a big denial slut. I’ll generally just get a hard edge or two before cumming hard but today I took some rx amphetamines and I’ve been masturbating and on the edge for over an hour, I’ve got a vibe in my pussy and another on my clit and I can’t cum no matter how hard I try. It’s so fucking infuriating and intoxicating. I can’t stop.

Well isn’t that interesting. I didn’t know they had that effect. Do you think the doctor does. Do you think they could just guess what kind of girl you were and wrote out that prescription imagining you edging your brains out.

Pop on some hypno such as Neural Net’s delicious Edge Puppet and of course Cal’s Curse and perhaps by the time your prescription is done your brain will be hard wired to not cum any more.

Wouldn’t that be lovely.

Be careful what you wish for.


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Hi James! So I was wondering if you could offer a suggestion for me. I have had two separate wand vibrators (one from Lovehoney and the other a body wand brand) but neither were very stimulating for me. I could feel the vibrations, but I would hardly get aroused from it. I’ve always fantasized about getting a hitachi magic wand, but I’m worried that it’ll be the same situation with a more expensive toy. Any thoughts?

Lots of sex toys questions, is Black Friday getting you all out looking?!

As long as you’re talking about the plug in ones, and not battery powered, then the Lovehoney is actually better than the Hitachi Magic wand as the Hitachi only has two power settings (at least the one we had did) while the Lovehoney one is variable and just as powerful as far as I remember.

The battery ones are pretty damn good now too but we still get out the mains powered one for those special times, like when I want to make her scream during post orgasm torture, you know, cute stuff like that.

Also, boys and those with appendages, press one of these babies onto the right butt plug and watch your cock do things you didn’t know it could.

Check out Lovehoney’s Magic Wands here

Fuck me, the UK one is £25 in the sale. I’d snap that up before it changes!

Anyway, back to OP

So, it might be that a big magic wand isn’t what your body likes. That happens. For some they can just be too powerful, even at the lightest setting (if that’s the case try using it through a duvet or clothing).

For others you want a little bullet vibe you can get right up against your clit, with your clit hood out the way, and find the right spot, the broad head of the wand is just too general.

The other thing to try with it though, is use it with a dildo. The one I recommended just now is a cracker. Push that inside you, jam the head of the wand on the base of it so the vibes go right up on you and it kicks the arse of any battery powered vibe. 240volts of pure vibratory goodness (okay 110 for our cousins over the pond).

What you didn’t tell me OP is if you can cum from other stuff, so feel free to message if you want more specific advice.


Hi James, this might be a weird ask but I would just like some advice. I’ve never been able to make myself cum and neither has my boyfriend. This tends to happen because I get to sensitive to continue because it hurts. Do you have any advice for me/us on how to push myself farther so I might be able to get over that edge?

Hi anon, well as I’ve just written about, an interesting twist might be deciding you don’t want to try, and stay a BNIB.

But, if getting oversensitive is what’s keeping you from cumming there’s a few options.

First is to explore penetrative stimulation – I’m going to assume the over-sensitivity is clitoral, which means you could focus on g-spot stimulation with fingers or a vibe inside you, and that’s going to be another route to cumming. If your over-sensitivity IS internal then the opposite applies, go for cumming from clitoral play, but it’s more like the former.

Your best best is mixing the two together, and then using g-spot play to take you over the edge. Keep your breathing steady but lungs quite full, work on building up the sexual ‘pressure’ and try to keep your mind clear of anything besides how good it feels and how sexy you are.

Another route, again assuming we’re talking about your clit getting overly sensitive, is for your boyfriend to become an oral zen master. Nothing combines stimulation along with gentleness quite as well as good cunnilingus, and compared to fingers or a vibe it can take you to and over into orgasm much more gently than anything else.

Luckily I’ve written Tumblr’s most popular guide* to how to do this like a pro:


(*Based on no evidence at all)

Another route is to tackle this thing straight on. What you’re experiencing as ‘pain’ is possibly more complex than that, things get weird with pain and pleasure when you’re near orgasm, and it might just be that you haven’t quite pushed through to it feeling good enough that you don’t quite know how to process what’s going on.

So with safewords in place, I’d try tying you down, kissing and rubbing and fucking you until you’re really turned on and close, and then using a really powerful vibe like a magic wand to just see what happens if you don’t have the option of it being pulled away. I would suggest it’s likely (but not definite) that if you just get past what you feel as ‘pain’ you’re going to cum, really fucking hard, and your body and brain will have a kind of ‘Oh THAT is what was about to happen!’ revelation.

I would hope there will be a physical and emotional release (which might take a few tries to find) that’ll flip a bit of a switch. Worse case scenario is you’ll experienced a bit of what for most is ‘post orgasm torture’ and you’ll discover it’s a whole new kink for you (or decide NOT to try that again 😛 )

Try some of those out, see how you get on, and let us know!

James xx

Hi James.. I am 21 this year.. and have never came before. I found your blog a while ago and have been a big fan ever since. I would rub my clit or use my dildo on myself for hours, only ever getting close.. but never over the edge. In fact I think I am scared to go over the edge. Should I try to have an orgasm or just keep edging like I always have? T xx

Ohhhhh, dilemma! 

You know my general advice would be to try and have an orgasm. They’re great, we love orgasms, we just think that not having them is often better for reasons stated often on the blog.

And it’s definitely not something to be scared of, it just feels really, really good.

But, there is no going back. You are currently, officially, a BNIB – brand new in box. A denial slut who has never cum. In fact I helped a friend set up a blog just about that which you should definitely edge to before you make any decisions.


Frankly all of you should follow that too, I’ve written some of the early posts but the anorgasmic woman who authors most of them is a great caption writer and it’s all beautifully twisted the way most of you like it.

I think the helpful thing about this concept, as fucked up and twisted as it is, is that for those women who are truly anorgasmic – they can’t cum, it suddenly puts a completely new light on it, perhaps the first positive light they’ve ever been able to have.

So yes, T, you’re currently a BNIB, that’s something special, something other denial sluts long to be, but can’t. So should you cum, probably, but you’re giving something up to gain those few moments of pleasure – only you can decide if it’s really worth it. Feel free to message me if you want persuading, either way.


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I have to agree with Sage and Rey… I don’t actually think I’ve ever cum😳 I’ve never had the luck of getting a guy to do anything to my body so I’ve never had anyone else make me cum – and I genuinely think I’ve just been ruining my orgasms, because straight afterwards I am able to continue touching, even though I’m extremely sensitive! James, should I just keep ruining my orgasms or finally give myself a real one? -Alice

Hey Alice (best name for a denial slut btw)

I think and hope you’re right. You’ve been ruining them.

I had this cruel, and wonderful idea. All the women who haven’t cum, like Sage, and Rey and you, we make a little group, and we chat and talk and play a bit, and then, randomly, or not, I pick one of you, and in private I teach her how to cum, how to cum so fucking hard and long.

And then, the rest of you, the rest have to just edge, or ruin, while you listen to her have her first real orgasm. She’d describe how amazing it felt, how different it was to all her wasted years of unknowing ruins. And she wouldn’t be allowed to tell you the secrets I’ve taught her.

Perhaps the twist would be, in order to be taught, she has to promise that after that, she’ll go and endlessly edge to Cals Curse… ensuring that her first orgasm, is also her last.

Which would you pick I wonder. To be the one who gains and then loses her orgasms, or just to stay as you are and never know what it is to taste heaven before it’s snatched away.

Interesting, isn’t it.

This shouldn’t get you so wet you know.


James, I’m on this new medication that makes it really hard to orgasm, it makes it hard to even edge, but it doesn’t stop me from being ridiculously horny most of the time. When I try to cum, it takes forever, so I usually just give up. I’m rolling with it; it’s kind of fun. Just wanted to tell you about it, lol; thought you’d enjoy. -b

Thanks B,

Thousands of horny women just asked ‘Oh can I get some, what’s it called?’

We aren’t going to tell them though

James x

I have a sexual dysfunction disorder and I’ve never come. I’m not even sure I can come. Eventually I went to my doctor about it, got sent to a sex doctors (yes, an actual sex doctor, those exist now) and she told me to stop focusing on trying to orgasm. Just focus on pleasure. So I’m to send a week basically trying to edge every day. That’s how I found your blog yesterday! Maybe I’ll do the Advent Denial Calendar? Anyway, thanks James! – Samantha

Hey Samantha,

So I don’t know how much you’ve been reading the blog but when faced with anorgasmia disorders I decided to put a wickedly kinky twist on it, and make it a good thing – which is pretty much what your doctor seems to be saying.

I even made up a term for it, you my dear, are a BNIB, a Brand New in Box. And that’s awesome. As you say, masturbation and edging can still feel amazing, so why waste your time worrying about not having the climax and let’s turn that into a hot, kinky positive instead!

Here’s a blog I set up with an anorgasmic friend just for you:


And here’s a story for you to wrap your head around…


I hope this blog, and that one, help, and do let us know how you get on and feel free to come back for any advice.


Last night I found myself in the depths of your blog for the first time. I was so fascinated by the concept of denial as a whole, and also incredibly jealous. As you’ve encountered I’m one of those women who can’t orgasm, and so when you linked to Brand New In Box, it was a massive epiphany.

To be face to face with what you are. To realize that you’ve come across your undoing, and all it did was make you wetter.

It was the most turned on I’ve ever been, which made it so much more beautifully agonizing. I woke up, and I was still on this high. I have to go TA a class soon, I had work to get done for it. I didn’t. I edged to your blog instead. I don’t know how I’m going to sit in front of 80 freshman for two hours like this. 

I made an account. I’m here. I surrender. This is where I belong. Where do I start? 

Welcome home.

An ‘epiphany’! That makes me so happy.

I’m currently writing a 30 day denial programme for those starting out but you know what, I hadn’t thought to build in elements for those with anorgasmia, but I’ll be sure to now. 

Keep watching the blog for more details soon!


I have a fear around orgasms, mostly due to high trauma, and I always hated it and thought I was going to be thought as broken by every guy I ever met. Thing is I have a high libido and I love to please my partner. I just wanted to say thanks because finding your blog made me stop thinking of myself as “broken” and helped a lot with my self-esteem. :D

That’s wonderful feedback, thank you for sharing! 

You absolutely aren’t ‘broken’. We all have experiences, positive and negative, that shape who we are and very much what kinks we are into. It makes us interesting, seriously! Who wants to be just boring and vanilla. Not me, that’s for sure.

But also know, it’s fine to talk about. A good lover will WANT to know. You don’t have to go into details, but just put it out there once you know someone well enough, ‘so, this might sound a bit unusual but, I don’t like cumming. Some fucked up stuff way back when messed me up a bit. But here’s the good news, I like not cumming even more. I like to be kept desperate and horny and told I’m never allowed to cum, and oh honey, you just wait and see the things it makes me want to do…’

Despite that, you need to be aware most people will see ‘fixing you’ as a challenge, and want to make you cum. And that’s natural, and hopefully as you get to know them the will either get you love denial, or be intimate and positive enough with you to help you past the fear. 

Happy days either way!

Also have a look at the whole ‘Brand New in Box’ kink, which I helped someone else set up a blog to cover (it starts with a fairy tale I wrote).


As an aside I’ve helped a few women with exactly this, so if you want to send me a message I’ll go into more detail about what might help.

Hello! So I’ve recently realized that when I play, I very very rarely achieve a true orgasm, I always pull my hand or toy away when it gets too intense for me. I’m constantly left feeling just as horny. What can I do to over come this? Thanks!

Absolutely nothing.

This is perfect, always horny, never cumming.

Don’t change.