That’s wonderful feedback, thank you for sharing!
You absolutely aren’t ‘broken’. We all have experiences, positive and negative, that shape who we are and very much what kinks we are into. It makes us interesting, seriously! Who wants to be just boring and vanilla. Not me, that’s for sure.
But also know, it’s fine to talk about. A good lover will WANT to know. You don’t have to go into details, but just put it out there once you know someone well enough, ‘so, this might sound a bit unusual but, I don’t like cumming. Some fucked up stuff way back when messed me up a bit. But here’s the good news, I like not cumming even more. I like to be kept desperate and horny and told I’m never allowed to cum, and oh honey, you just wait and see the things it makes me want to do…’
Despite that, you need to be aware most people will see ‘fixing you’ as a challenge, and want to make you cum. And that’s natural, and hopefully as you get to know them the will either get you love denial, or be intimate and positive enough with you to help you past the fear.
Happy days either way!
Also have a look at the whole ‘Brand New in Box’ kink, which I helped someone else set up a blog to cover (it starts with a fairy tale I wrote).
As an aside I’ve helped a few women with exactly this, so if you want to send me a message I’ll go into more detail about what might help.