So I wasn’t sure at first if I wanted to actually bother you with this (your inbox must be on red-alert always and I can imagine it can be a bit tiring, especially since people can be quite rude and demanding) but since this is more about me sharing an experience than asking for anything (although I guess I sort of end up doing that? sorry) I thought you might appreciate it 🙂 (And let’s be honest, me typing this and thinking about you (and possible more people) reading this does– things to me).
I was away last weekend and I haven’t touched myself at all during my trip. This means my last orgasm was last Wednesday, which is fine. Sometimes life happens and I don’t have time to play with myself and I know I can go a few days without playing with myself. This does mean I had been building up for a bit though, which was pretty nice, because when I came home last night I was looking forward to scrolling through your (and onedeadpoet’s) blog and having some fun.
Now the idea of orgasm denial turns me on greatly, however, I always assumed more as a fantasy than a reality. I will look through your blog, read a lot of stuff, get my pussy throbbing and wet and then I’ll edge myself a bit before giving myself a full-blown, fantastic orgasm (maybe it should be noted that I think I am extremely lucky in the sense that my orgasms are pretty damn mind-blowing great always). I have tried proper edging before, I have tried ruins before, but I always end up giving in and giving myself a orgasm right after. So, I just sort of thought that it was a great fantasy, it was great fuel but that was all it was for me.
However, last night, I came across your Mean Wheel of Denial Permission and I thought ‘I’m just going to spin it, for a kick, but I know I’ll end up giving myself an orgasm anyway’. Ha. It ended on ‘Ruin it’. Well, honestly, I’m not good at maths, but it seemed to me that me spinning that wheel for the first (and what I assumed to be only) time and it not landing on ‘No’ was pretty lucky. Because I thought of all the girls spinning that wheel hoping for a ruin (because hoping for a yes is too much, but a ruin, surely, must be possible) and getting a no, and here I am stealing that ruin from them while I don’t even follow the rules. For some reason that seemed highly unfair and the thought of me ruining my building orgasm after a few days of no touch got me really, really hot and bothered. (I had tried ruins once of twice before, but like I said, I gave in after a few minutes of recovery to give myself a orgasm anyway; but the thought of all the things I had read on this blog about what it could do– boy).
In solidarity or out of curiosity or because I was really really horny and not thinking straight or whatever I edged for a good 45 minutes (more probably?) and then I ruined it. I ruined that orgasm I had been looking forward to, because your wheel told me to and it felt like I should. First, let me tell you, that shit was so insanely intense. The whole time it was building I was thinking ‘I’m going to do it, I’m really going to do it, I’m going to ruin this orgasm and be a good girl and I’m going to do it properly and they’ll be so proud’ (I don’t know who I was thinking they would be. You? The other denial girls who spun that wheel? The Denial Gods? Honestly who knows). And then I went over the edge and I pulled my hand away (this was all done through only clit stimulation and stroking, no real penetration) and I honestly do not think I have ever moaned as much in my life. I am mostly silent when I orgasm, I stop breathing for a tick and sometimes I swear a bit and I moan once maybe, but this was insane. It felt better to moan through it, but it also felt so much worse and I wanted to cry and scream and meanwhile I could feel my pussy clenching and aching and it felt so wrong but for a second I honestly thought ‘maybe the intensity of this is better, maybe this is it’. It is strange to describe it, but it was so intense, so emotional and so double.
And then I went to sleep.
Honestly, I did. My pussy stopped throbbing and I felt slightly sick but I was just so tired from that session and from the weekend and I just wanted to sleep. So I slept and slept for nine hours straight and I felt great when I woke up and it was all good. My pussy was a little more sensitive than usual, but I didn’t really notice it that much, because it was morning and I am not a morning person, so I just went about getting ready for the day as usual.
That was seven (almost eight) hours ago. I just got home and my pussy is just throbbing and so extremely wet it would be absolutely mortifying if it wasn’t so hot. I noticed it as I was leaving the house, that my pussy was a bit more ‘alert’ than normal but I had read that happens after ruins (and proper edging) and it was a little funny on my bike (I couldn’t help but laugh at myself, but feel strangely proud of it as well?) but it was still fine. I could deal with all that.
And then the wetness started. Wow. So my pussy was already on ‘alert’, starting to throb again maybe and I was just walking around campus (had to arrange a few things for the new school year) when I realized how wet I was. How I could actually feel my panties getting wetter and my pussy started throbbing and feeling that made it all even hotter. And all because I ruined that one orgasm.
I did go about my day but boy was I distracted. Every time I thought about it, every time I felt something, every time I went to the restroom, every time someone looked at me for too long (could they tell?) it all got more and more intense. I walked around today with my panties getting more and more soaked and my pussy throbbing and begging to be touched and it felt horrible and it felt great. And I have never been more horny in my entire life.
I came home and the first thing I did was go to my laptop, open your tumblr and start typing this. I am still wearing my soaked panties and I still haven’t touched myself again and just recounting this all has seriously done funny things to my brain. I can’t believe this extreme reaction to one ruin after a few days of no touch and an edge session. I can’t believe I have never gotten to this point before. I can’t believe it but I think I finally found my way into actually being a denial slut, not just fantasizing about it. I want to see how far this – I – can go.
And that’s where I am looking for input from you, if you want to give it (if not, I hope you enjoy the story nonetheless – I have never written something like this before so I know it is probably not very ‘hot’ to read but I hope it was clear at least). See; now I have had a taste of how responsive my body can be to this, I want to see what happens if I do more. So I thought maybe you could help me with some tips to get through the week? I know I definitely need more edging practice (both clit and penetration) and I probably need to build up a lot more strength and character to not give-in but boy does the idea of you giving me an order turn me on. The idea of following it even more so.
I won’t touch myself yet, because if you do respond with a set of instruction or something I want to be at the exact same point as I am when I’m sending this. (And if you don’t – oh well).
This whole thing has me so excited and oh god– is this what it feels like to start losing your mind? :’)
(I am so so so sorry this got so long, I completely understand it if it is too long and you ignore it).
Well hot damn, Lola, that’s amazing. So hot! And it’s such an accurate description of how it feels to suddenly make the decision to try denial and not just give in, both the pleasure, sensations and sense of achievement!
it’s really unusual to get there through a ruin though, that’s fascinating. Maybe we’ve been missing a trick and it’s a good way to kick things off. I’d be interested to see if anyone else who’s struggled to try denial finds that a ruin is a good way.
I know you’ve sent another message since so I’ll reply to that with some further instructions.
Amazing job, good girl! Good denial slut.