Hi there. ‘Ghosting’ is an unfortunate possible effect from online play I’m afraid. It’s something that happens to all of us and whether it’s temporary or permanent it is surprisingly upsetting, mostly I think because of the ‘not knowing’ which leads you to imagine worst case scenarios, whether that’s you ‘not being good enough’ or them being hit by a bus.

Part of the trouble is for the other person they may not even realise they’re doing it for a while. ‘Life just got busy’ and so they are barely feeling it at all.

It sucks, but it is part of the territory. I think it’s valid, once you get to know someone, to say ‘please can we just agree you’ll never disappear on me without talking first’. But conversely you don’t want to make too big a thing of it, I’ve had conversations with people where the third thing they say is ‘IF YOU EVER DISAPPEAR I’LL HATE YOU FOREVER’. Well not quite literally but not far off. 

So firstly, whether they come back or not, let’s establish some good ways to think:

1. It’s not you it’s them – it doesn’t matter about whatever you did, breaking a rule, slipping up, whatever. It’s not okay for them to disappear like this. So whatever their reason, it’s them, not you, stop blaming yourself.

2. Maybe they just weren’t that into you – the single most useful bit of wisdom Sex and the City gave us (besides promoting the Rabbit Vibe). Use this when you start to go down the rabbit hole of self doubt – ‘He just wasn’t that into me’ shuts most of them up and lets you move on.

So no, you’re not overreacting, however if you’re going to explore online play this will happen, and you need to teach yourself to not get so upset by using the above tricks.

I hope that helps


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