Archive for : April, 2017

how do you feel about chubby submissives, or “cubbsubs” as they’re often called. i feel like they get quite a bit of bad rep.

Interestingly I have got asked this a lot this week. Although five of the asks were exactly the same wording so either they were getting annoyed that I don’t answer asks in seconds or they have a dodgy keyboard…

Anyway, it’s a fair question. I’m not really involved in the wider scene much nowadays but I haven’t seen much of a bad rep for ‘chubsubs’ (a term I’ve personally never heard), however obviously within wider Western society there’s a general negativity about obesity which will carry across into subcultures such as kinksters.

I think whether it’s BDSM or just vanilla your experience will vary. Some guys dig curves, others don’t. There’s 3 billion men out there, a LOT of them are into you, exactly as you are.

We live in an era, and most of us, countries, where being slim is equated with beauty. Of course that’s not always the case, various African and Polynesian countries see bigger as more attractive – and as you can tell from Baroque paintings, being ‘Reubenesque’ was quite the thing in days gone by. But for us being slim, even skinny is idolised. 

I think I’d sum up my own position as chubbiness is fine, laziness is not. So it’s not really about how you look, it’s about attitude. If someone is fat because they eat badly and don’t do any exercise it’s a big turn off. If they are big despite doing the right things and it’s just how they are then it’s ridiculous to say that’s a bad thing.

The biggest challenge, whether you’re fat or thin, is to love yourself, and that’s a big fucking ask for some of you, maybe most of you. It’s especially hard if you’re not fitting into the crazy idealised body shape, size zero supermodel, thigh gap bullshit that is thrown at you everywhere from YouTube to the clothes store changing rooms. And Tumblr is NO exception, no sirree. I follow hundreds of blogs and almost all the photos are of way less than average body size.

Can orgasm denial help with weight loss?

Yes, but I think you need a basic level of self control in the first place. I’ve seen very mixed results with it. For some it’s been no different from any other attempts to lose weight. They try for a week or two but then give up. However, for others it’s been that extra positive motivation which they’ve needed, and setting rewards for targets being met (for example a ruined orgasm every x pounds and only being allowed to cum when they hit their target weight) has been effective, and hot! 

It probably won’t catch on as the new fad diet though.

On a more practical level being horny can really reduce your appetite. No more post orgasm munchies! Plus for some it’s worked to edge instead of giving into a food craving. 

More fundamentally I think that orgasm denial can help you realise or develop more self control and discipline, and that can then lead to more positive results in other facets of your life.

No matter what your weight, the single sexiest thing you can do is love yourself. Out of that comes confidence, positivity and a natural sexual energy.

So work on loving yourself first, try to cut out the ‘if only I was…’ and anyone or everything that makes you think that way. You are amazing, just the way you are, and anyone who doesn’t think so can just fuck off.

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Hi James, I am getting into edging and have done it a few times in the past. It’s nice. I don’t really like to masturbate often, so I feel as if “no-touch” would be easy for me. Today I edged with my fingers and a little while later I was curious to how my warm Surface charger brick would feel on my clit, so I put it there. Not really hot or hot enough to cause burns, just enough for the sensation. It was amazing and I ended up edging with the brick & after, accidentally ruined an orgasm. -N.

Awesome edging report, thank you N!

(Make sure the power brick is waterproof, just sayin’)

Hi James! It’s been 3 weeks since I had my last orgasm and a month and a have since I’ve had a full orgasm. (My last one was an accidental ruin…) I edge 5 times a day either to your blog or other denial porn. Is there anything I can do to earn a full orgasm or do you have any tasks I can do that might eventually earn me one? -Tay

Hi Tay,

Hmm, you sound like you enjoy a challenge… ten ruins, in one hour. Manage that and then 24 hours of strict no touch at all (not at ALL) and you can cum.

Fail and it’s a month till you can ask again.

Hi James! Just wanted to let all of your lovely denied bitches that I’ve already come three times today, but it’s just not enough, so I think I’m going to get myself off another once or twice before bed! It’s going to feel so good to fuck myself with my fingers and then play with my clit until I come. It’s all the more satisfying knowing that none of them will be coming with me! Cheers ;)

No no no, you got the terminology wrong. They’re Denial Sluts, YOU are the Denial Bitch, the one cumming while they can’t. Oh how they love to hate you as they rub their wet little cunts in desperation.

But besides that, great work! It’s the circle of denial, they make your orgasms better and you make their denial even hotter.

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hi sir! just out of curiosity, how old are you?

Old enough to know better, young enough to not care.

Hey James, just wanting to ask… I randomly get horny throughout the day and I want to know…. how can I masturbate around others?

Assuming you’re a woman, then yes (guys, it’s never acceptable to spank the monkey in public, just to be clear).

Lots of women enjoy ‘thigh masturbation’ – (usually) crossing your legs, and then squeezing your thighs so that they add pressure to your pussy and clit (and just the clenching feels good too).

Some also bounce their leg over the other, like tapping a foot in the air. A sizeable number of women can cum from it, and some can ONLY cum from it if they started very early (it’s been reported in toddlers). 

Others are reading this for the first time and going ‘fuck off that isn’t a thing’. it really is! (I’ve caught several women doing it on the Tube in London before now).

Read some more about it:

I think I get off on watching other girls not be allowed to get off. Is that weird? I feel weird about it, like it’s a really dirty thing. -miso

If it is, miso, then both you and I are fucked, because that’s why I made this blog! It is dirty, hot and fucking dirty and awesome. Quit worrying about it and enjoy! And if you’re feeling brave maybe even try it yourself…

Hi James. I’m worried! I have started edging about three times a day like you recommend but rather than feel hornier (as I thought/hoped I would) I feel LESS horny! What is wrong with me? Do I need to orgasm to feel sexy do you think? I dunno. I’m at a loss. It seems to work for all your other girls messaging you. Thank you. (Love your writing. You’re sooo funny.) Yours concerned, Sophia xxxx :(

Hi Sophia,

Okay, don’t worry too much. Firstly, it might just be denial isn’t for you, and that’s okay, but it’s a worst case scenario (oh dear, you ‘have to cum’, poor you 😛 ).

More likely it may be just your hormones at this time of the month aren’t making the magic happen, or just your head isn’t in the right place. Try again, don’t give up, and just have some fun exploring.

Have a few orgasms, then try again. What works for everyone can vary a lot. It may be that you’re going too close to the edge and confusing your body (yep that happens) so try a little softer edges that just make you feel hot and horny and leave it there. Or alternatively, try some ruined orgasms (you’ll feel awful for 15 minutes but after that it can get crazy horny again). Or try more edges in a day, or just one. Have some fun experimenting and finding what works for you.

Feel free to message me if you are still at a loss and I’ll see what else I can think of.

I hope that helps,