I wanted to share with you how my day went yesterday. I’ve been practicing denial with orgasms only allowed on Saturdays for a while now. New Year’s Eve I decided to tie my denial into one of my goals for the new year: going to bed on time. Last year I didn’t go to bed on time once, often staying up 2-3 hours late making me exhausted at work. This year in order to earn my weekly orgasm day I have to be in bed by midnight every night the proceeding week. It worked like a charm, I didn’t miss my bedtime once in January and I’ve been feeling much better because of it.
I thought after a month I’d surely created a good habit and could re-purpose my denial to a new goal. Nope. I missed my bedtime three nights last week. Now I’m back on going to bed on time to earn my orgasms and of course no cumming for me yesterday. I felt I deserved some torture and punishment on top of losing my orgasms so I also had to do 10 hands-free edges yesterday since I’m not allowed to touch my clit except when orgasming and I’d decided I didn’t deserve any penetration or direct pussy stimulation either.
Five of my edges were during a walk at the local nature park. Every time I got to a bench I would sit down and wait until there was no one around. I had to keep my arms and hands laid along the seat back and do a hands-free edge. Because of my plump ass and keeping my upper body leaned into the back rest I couldn’t quite get my pussy close enough to the hard seat to grind it so I was only getting stimulation from my clothes. I had to fill my head with fantasies of future punishments and never being allowed to have a real orgasm again while quietly chanting your mantras of, “When I cum it’s a ruin and when I ruin it’s a cum,” and, “I’m a good girl and good girls don’t cum, good girls stay horny and wet,” in order to reach the edge.
I also said the mantras out loud in cadence with my steps when I was on the most remote paths of the park. It was while I was chanting on a bench on a hill overlooking the park that I decided that next Saturday my first orgasm will be a ruin with a dildo followed by post orgasm torture to my poor overly-sensitive clit that won’t have been touched at all for two weeks at that point. I’m going to make it hurt as much as I can to really drive the point home.
When I got back to my car I did another edge while listening to some of my favorite slut affirmation loop files from WarpMyMind.com. I’d never done an edge right before driving my car somewhere and was pleased to discover that the vibration of my car kept bringing me back to the edge during the drive. I had to concentrate on my chanting to keep from going over while I was driving.
Later that night before I went out with friends I decided to put my suction cup dildo to work for an edge. Naked, I chained my hands to my waist so that they were of no use to me. I then picked up my dildo with my mouth, knelt down and stuck it to the side of my bookshelf. I’ve been working on being able to cum from oral stimulation and though I’m not quite to that level yet I figured I should be able to at least edge myself this way. It sure as fuck felt good to suck and having a stationary point to work with made it much easier to get a nice rhythm going. It also felt more like it does when giving head to a guy than it does when I hold the dildo to practice my deep-throating so I think I’m going to have to use this technique more for my daily practice.
Yes, that’s right, I practice deep-throating every day. And just ‘cause I have no one else I can brag to, I want to say that I can finally get my best guy all the way down to the root all thanks to daily practice and my favorite deep-throating hypnosis files. He really appreciates the improvement I’ve made in the last two months.
Despite how much sucking cock now turns me on, it took half an hour for me to edge like this. Kneeling naked with my knees spread meant I had absolutely no stimulation to my clit so I really had to focus on imagining the sensations in my mouth as sensations in my pussy and push the mental fantasies to reach the edge. By the end though I can say that my pussy was dripping down my thighs and I enjoyed feeling how sloppy wet my pussy lips were while I was out with my friends.
My final edge of the day was in bed with my headphones on. I had to listen to an intense hypnosis file where after building up the suspense the subject is repeatedly and rapidly ordered to orgasm. The goal was to get up to the edge and ride it without cumming. If I came then I would have to do a ruined orgasm every night for the next week and multiple ruins on Saturday. By this point I was so horny that it was very tempting to say fuck it and take the ruin, but I knew the next week would be pure torture if I had to do a ruin every night before bed. I made it all the way through without cumming and even managed to fall asleep fairly quickly given how horny I was.
Some time this morning before sun up I edged again while half asleep. It feels so good and I want to just edge again and again but I know I need to enforce an edge-free day today so I can cool down so I can function next week without losing it or giving myself insomnia. Grr, it’s so hard not to edge, I constantly want to grind my pussy or watch porn and I want to suck cock so bad I catch myself drooling for it.
Sigh, I need to put away my computer for a few hours so I can calm down, but I’d promised myself I’d write this up for you, so I hope you enjoyed it James. Thank you for all the inspiration you’ve given me, I really feel that denial has helped me improve my well-being and my self-confidence by feeling more comfortable with myself as a sexual being.
I also wanted to say I really love repeating your mantras over and over to myself, could you make a tag for all of the beautiful mantras you’ve made us? I know there’s at least three so far: “When I cum it’s a ruin, when I ruin it’s a cum,” “I’m a good girl and good girls don’t cum, good girls stay horny and wet,” and “I’m a little cum slut horny and wet, cum on my face, cum on my chest, use me for your pleasure dripping and dumb, I’ll keep edging and never cum.” Have I missed any others?
Again, thank you James and love to all my sexy denied sister cum sluts out there.