some kinkier than others, and I have no desire for a full time Dom. Can you speak to the benefits of edging and self denial for its own sake? Any input is greatly appreciated! Thank you.

Very interesting question, thank you.

It’s easy to get caught up in the full-fledged fantasy of orgasm denial, that the only way to enjoy it properly is to be constantly denied, never cumming, maybe the occasional ruined orgasm just to give you something to hope for.

And while that’s super hot and can be a reality for some, it’s not going to work for others for various reasons. As you say, one big issue may be you have a partner or partners who love to make you cum – and lucky you!

Obviously, we play a lot with the extremes of the denial kink in the captions I write and stories I tell but it’s really important that as you read this blog you realise, whatever works for you is great!

It might be that you simply get off reading about others being denied, wonderful!

It may be you love edging, but always need to cum at the end of a session.

Or maybe you do like longer, you relish that ‘denial buzz’ you get a few days into it.

Perhaps as with the OP here, you love doing it to yourself, but it doesn’t work with others.

Or yes, you could be a complete and utter denial slut and genuinely love how it feels never to be allowed to cum.

Benefits and Advantages

In summary, I believe edging is good for you! I think it is one of the most positive kinks around. Physically, psychologically, even intellectually;

  • It teaches and develops self-control – one of the most important skills in having a successful life
  • It opens your mind to new experiences and helps you to get much more deeply in touch with your sexual nature
  • It makes you feel incredibly sexy and is a perfect kink to complement submissive desires and fantasies
  • It gives you an ongoing feeling of wellbeing and what is described as a ‘denial high’ as you build up the feelgood hormones over time
  • You can do it all by yourself and so not have to worry about safety or involving others
  • It’s like the gateway drug of kink. All the things above mean it will open you up to being more creative, more open to new experiences, and more willing to explore what else turns you on.
  • It’s completely free (although toys are a bonus)

So yes, those are the headlines really. For me, it’s very much a kink I see enjoyed by intelligent women in particular. I think this is because it’s really quite a complex kink. You really have to enjoy pushing yourself, the joy of self-discovery, the self-control to really feel the benefits. 

It is absolutely for those who like things hard, not easy; who see life as challenges to overcome and conquer rather than finding a path of least resistance.

But it’s the challenge of it, the difficulty, that makes it such an exciting and invigorating kink.

So here’s my challenge to those reading, wherever you’re at – just explore taking it one step further. 

If you’ve never done it, try it, see how it is in reality. If you always end up cumming, just give stopping a go one time, see how it makes you feel. If you like to deny yourself, but your partner doesn’t, try dropping it in as a one-off idea to try and see what it’s like to have someone else do it to you.

As Dory sings, just keep swimming! Just keep pushing yourself to have new and different experiences. When you find what you like, that’s wonderful, and never compare what you like with others, we’re all unique. But don’t stop swimming… keep trying new things, it helps your sex life stay fresh and exciting.

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