Tag : submissive

how can i find a master to control me? i want him/her to tell me how many times to edge myself, when i can cum, when i can ruin, etc. i just want someone to be in complete control of my orgasms but idk how to find someone. please help me james.

Hi sweetie,

Sadly the answer is, very, very carefully. There are a hoard of complete assholes who just pretend to be doms and masters because they see submissive women as easy targets.

Certainly you can explore online forums like fetlife but just be super careful. Take anything anyone says with a pinch of salt. I’ve written lots of advice on it in the past so have a look through the blog.

As this blog has grown it’s become something I’m really passionate about. The number of stories I hear of women like you being completely fucked over emotionally, mentally and sometimes physically by selfish wannabe-dom abusers, because that’s what they are, makes my blood boil.

The best advice I can give, although it’s not what many want to hear, and it’s still not easy, is to find yourself a good, mature, loving boy/girlfriend. They won’t be that dom of your fantasies, but what you are looking for is potential.

It’ll take time and effort but with the right person you can have all that, and have discovered it together, which is all the more exciting.

I know though, I know you want it NOW. Oh consumerism, how you’ve ruined us.

The last few months I’ve been working on some exciting projects that I think will help, both with the whole process of teaching someone the skills you’re looking for, but also for keeping you going in the meantime with some things that will figuratively, and literally, fill those holes that make you ache.

More details coming very soon (as in, the next post…)

Hi James! I’ve been thinking about this a lot for the past few years after discovering edging. How does someone “hold off their orgasm?” I’ve always found the idea Super hot but have never been able to do so… any tips? Thank you and have a nice day!

Hi Anon,

Well, the number one ingredient for edging and female orgasm denial is self control. Orgasms are great, and we do love orgasms, but it’s realising that it’s EVEN hotter and sexier not to cum. Because instead of just a few seconds of pleasure, it makes you feel good ALL day. And night, and day, etc.

It’s really hard to believe this, until you actually try it.

So the biggest effort comes that first time, where I think it’s best to just engage your curiosity. ‘My pussy tells me it likes this idea, now brain, let’s find out if this is true’

Don’t think you have to get to the absolute edge of cumming though. That’s great, and a real mind fuck, but it’s the hardest to pull back from. So when trying it at first, don’t take yourself so far, just until you’re close, but not a whisper away. Then stop. Get over the 10-20 seconds frustration where all you want to do is put your hands between your legs, and you’ll start to feel pleased with yourself for being self controlled and the ongoing glow of your arousal without it being killed by cumming.

Once you’ve started to win over the mind battle, where you actually start to believe that NOT cumming is as good as or even better than cumming, the physical side of it is easier.

Don’t be afraid to experiment. The simple rule is, if you go over by accident you ‘ruin’ it. For those new to all this it’s when you go past the point of no return on your orgasm and COMPLETELY stop all stimulation. Ruining the orgasm.

It’s a major mindfuck and weirdly addictive in itself, but for now it’s just your back up option if you go too far. 

You do need to give yourself some grace as you explore all this and find out what works best for you.

I hope that helps,


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Good morning! In your previous post you mention online fakers and wanks, and even girls being blackmailed… 😳… how does a sub navigate this world and avoid those things?

Oh, it’s just the biggest question I’m grappling with right now, and there’s no easy answers.

The core issue is there’s a massive supply and demand problem, mostly because of how men and women sexually develop so differently.

You have a swathe of sexually mature, self-minded women who have been figuring out what they are and want from mid-teens at least, and are aching to have their complex and beautiful sexuality explored, and they look at most of the guys (this is mostly a hetero or male homosexual problem)  their age, or even within ten years of their age, and just see a bunch of sexual neanderthal kidults who have zero empathy or creativity let alone the maturity to skilfully dominate someone.

We also have an older generation of more mature women for whom the 50 Shades effect has validated things they’ve felt for years, but despair at even getting a good fuck let alone dominated by their partners.

So into that void step those who want to take advantage of it and you get often older creepy fuckers who are smart and mature enough to at least pretend they are dominant, but their base motives are no better than the younger ones. They see submissive women as a prime candidate for manipulating into being free wank fodder, and horribly often employ deeply coercive techniques dressing them up as ‘being dominant’ to trick the inexperienced into situations they will always have to carry with them, and often leave their precious first experiences of kink in ruined tatters.

It makes me so upset. And I want to do something about it.

I’d love other thoughts on this, but off the top of my head here’s what I think would help.

  1. Create resources for those with submissive feelings, young and old, to safely explore their sexual nature before they venture out too far into the online or real world minefield.
  2. Create some safe communities for submissives to share experiences and support each other where they aren’t being predated by horny net geek wannabe dominants.
  3. Recognise that similar age relationships are a healthy norm so change the expectations of subs to discover their dream, ready to go dominant and help with ways to take the journey of sexual discovery together with a trusted partner as exciting and fruitful as it can be
  4. Create some mainstream resources to help kinky folk normalise it to their friends and family

And these resources have to reflect not just the old school way of doing things, which is great for some, but it needs to be written for a post 50-shades world where kink is becoming mainstream and our lives don’t need to be so compartmentalised any more. 

More than ever BDSM is whatever you want to make it, however you want to live it (within the safe, sane and consensual context of course), and it can work just as well within private, monogamous set ups as it ever did in the more necessarily public arena of munches and clubs and parties that it required pre-internet.

However, that injection into the mainstream has exacerbated the problem of being vulnerable to predators. When it was a closed little world those who were brave enough to enter into it at least had some chance of quickly getting educated and protected by the good folk in the community. Now with the entry points being as broad as tumblr and ffs Twitter, there’s no safe haven – the big online kink communities are just shark pools and I don’t see how they can be redeemed without emptying the tanks and starting again.

So, I don’t know about item 4 above, that’s more of a societal change, that is happening anyway, but I’ve got some explicit plans to try to create things that can help with the first three, and hope to share more of that once it’s been passed by my friends with their range of expertise and insights.

This blog still has some 70,000 followers despite the Tumblr Snap, so I plan to use it and what comes from it as a starting point for positive change.

Anyway OP, I’m not sure that’s really answered your question, more I’ve used it to write a quick manifesto on New Wave Kink… but I hope what I’m producing will help soon. Keep watching this space and everyone’s thoughts and ideas are so welcome.

Viva La Kink Revolution!



Who’s the girl in the mirror, 

is it me or someone else?

Bra off, hair down, carefree.

I can feel she loves herself.

It can’t be me, can it? 

She seems so far away.

Little baby steps he told me, 

but each one seems so big.

I look again.

It’s hidden by her hair, the link between us.

I reach up, touch what he’s had me wear.

I know the journey’s begun.

James – edging.space


Permission granted

“Call me. I want to hear you beg.”

His voice is calming like the sea, but equally dangerous. I’m weak when I hear him. He takes all my anxiety away.

I call him and I close my eyes.

“Please can I cum?”

“I’m not sure you really want to,” he says. I pout. “I’m not really sure I want to either,” I say. I’m already edging. After two months into denial I’ve become scared of cumming. Staying needy and wet is safe, familiar. An orgasm feels scary. But I’m really desperate. He can hear the wand and I quietly moan.

“Come on. You can get closer than that.”

I get closer and closer until I think I can’t hold it anymore, and he pulls me back. “Control your breathing. If you go over now, you’re ruining it.”

I whine, but pull back a little.

“Maybe I should just ruin you anyway.”

“Noooo, please, I want to cum.”

“What you want isn’t always what’s best for you.”

I want whatever he wants. If he tells me to stop now, I will cry but obey. I’ll do anything for him.

I get to the edge again. I get louder and more desperate and I start to beg again.

“Hmm, that’s better. Stay here for a bit.”

“Please, please, please let me cum, please Sir.”

“Shh, be quiet, I’m writing an email.”

I don’t know if he’s serious or not. The idea of him multitasking while making me beg turns me on and also annoys me. I don’t know how to feel. I go quiet.

“Stay on the edge,” he warns. “If you lose it, we’re stopping.”

I edge harder again. I get closer but try to stay quiet. It’s harder to go over like this. I’m not as close as I should be but I beg quietly, struggling to control myself and struggling to edge hard like this too.

“Good girl,” he says. “Cum for me now.”

But I’m not ready, I’m not close enough, and I panic. I press the wand down hard but he can hear that I’m not there yet.

“Come on. I told you to cum.”

I whine and moan. He can hear my desperation, I know he can, and I can hear the enjoyment in his voice. I’m scared he’ll take it away again. I think he did it on purpose.

“Don’t you want to cum? If you don’t, we’re stopping.”

He starts to count down from 10. It scares me but also helps me.

When he gets to four, I finally go over, and I scream. I haven’t cum in nearly two months. I’ve ruined every single time I’ve gone over. I don’t stop this time, with his voice in my ear. It’s amazing and entirely overwhelming. My clit isn’t used to this anymore. It hurts.

He stops counting. “Is that you cumming? Good girl.”

I cum hard, and as soon as it ends I want to cum again. I’m both grateful and scared when he tells me to turns the wand up to maximum.

I moan and scream and cry while he keeps talking. Good girl. Yes, this is what I wanted. Don’t stop. Harder.

I can’t respond, only scream, but I love everything he says.

I have three… maybe four orgasms. I nearly choke. I cry and try to stop. I beg him to let me stop but he tells me I can cum more. It hurts but it feels amazing.

When he finally tells me that’s enough, my heart is racing. He says sweet, loving things while I try to recover.

Finally, happy and pleased and thankful, I purr: “thank you, Sir.”

“You’re very welcome, sweetie.”

I love cumming. I want to do it again.

Wonderful, and very accurate account, well done sweetie.

But as for cumming again, wasn’t it the fact that it’d been two months that made it so good?

I wonder how it’d be after four…


It burns

So got my tiger balm today through the post and was so excited to use it.

I started and put a little bit on my nipples but was quite disappointed to find it didn’t really do anything. I started to think oh what’s all the hype about?

So I just decided to put quite a large amount on my clit… and omg it works, it burns so bad.

I’m sat here writing this squirming in my seat, my clit on FIRE and my pussy absolutely soaking.

It’s safe to say… I love it