Archive for : January, 2017

She begged him, truly begged, promising she’d do anything just to be allowed to edge, and then cum.

So he took her for a walk.

They walked across the town to an isolated spot the other side of the fields that surrounded it. “Build a fire, the way I showed you,” he told her. “You can start touching once it’s lit.”

Her cries of frustration every time the fire sputtered out got him hard. He quickly fucked her after her fifth attempt and then gave her another match. 

“Last chance, princess. Don’t fuck this one up.”

It lit, with a whoop of delight she rammed her hand down inside her panties as the flames grew and he fed the fire with the sticks he’d been collecting.

Soon the touching wasn’t enough, “Please Sir, let me edge now” she begged. The fire was roaring now, she knelt by it, mesmerised by the flames as she slide her fingers in and out, rubbing the juices over her swollen and aching clit.

“Your top,” he nodded to the blazing fire. “Throw it on.”

She looked at him, surprised, this was new. Then slipped her t-shirt off and tossed it onto the flames, her hand rubbing harder as soon as it returned to that warm wet junction between her legs.

“Now your skirt.” She’d wondered why he’d picked these clothes for her before the walk, he’d never liked them. Now she knew why.

Her mind went through the path he was now leading her down, her heart raced. I’m so fucked.

Sure enough, her bra, even her cute snowman socks went onto the fire. He always hated those. But it was worth it, if he was going to let her cum when her last item of clothing went on, the panties she was still reaching inside or rubbing through so furiously.

“Please Sir, please, can I cum?” she asked on cue. His smile told her she’d got it right, she loved knowing him so well.

But to her surprise he replied, “Not yet,” that time, and then several more times as she got even more desperate, holding herself on the very edge of orgasm. She knew if she went over it would end the game and all she’d have for her efforts was another awful ruin.

But that wasn’t his plan, it was the fire, the fire was burning down! The bastard was just going to let it go out and with it her chance of cumming.

Her begging got all the more desperate, she was so close, please, let her burn them, she was weeping with the frustration when finally he agreed.

Tearing them off, her wet ass grinding in the dust as she rolled back to stick her feet in the air she no longer cared, she had to watch them burn, she had to cum. She tossed them too hard against the small flames that were left, scattering the remaining embers.

She cried out as the fire sputtered against her soaked panties, “No, no, no!” she yelled, falling forward, trying to blow it back to life.

“Too bad baby, they were just too wet. Time to go home now.” 

He stretched out his hand and she stood, taking it as the tears ran down her face. He knelt in front of her and kissed her thighs as he did up her sandal straps. At least he let her keep her shoes for the walk home.

BDSM FAQs – How do I find a dom?


I’m starting to put together a FAQ section for this blog and this question is definitely near the top of the list. Here’s an updated response to an ask I had earlier last year. It’s such a good, and important issue, and there isn’t particularly an easy answer but here are my thoughts on it.

In my opinion there are two main options, find someone to learn with, or find someone to learn from. The second one is where most people imagine starting – finding some perfect dom who wants to invest all his (or her) time selflessly cultivating your submissiveness and giving you a storybook entrance into the world of sex and kink.

But there’s a problem. There’s a fine line between a dom and an asshole, and most are actually just assholes. I’ve spent (too much) time dredging through sites like collarspace and fetlfe and the pattern I see is consistent, horny, angry, sad guys, who label themselves, and even act, dominant for the simple reason it’s the best way to get attention from cute, attentive, usually young women that in any other circumstance would be out of their league.

Are there exceptions? Of course. There always are, but the vast majority of guys who are putting themselves out there as doms are doing it because it’s the easiest way they can get access to fresh, naive and easily manipulated pussy. It’s simple logic, the good doms have been snapped up and are not likely to be prowling around the murky corners of the internet looking to find their perfect sub, sorry…

Now look, if you’re mature enough to know you WANT to be willingly used and abused, then fill your boots. Be smart, keep it VERY safe, and enjoy. But this is not what I recommend. Especially if it’s your initial sexual exploration, because your early experiences will shape the rest of your life’s sexual expectations and enjoyment. And they’re gonna fuck that up.

There’s a post floating around about someone’s experience of attending BDSM meet-ups (usually called ‘munches’) where over the years they see a pattern, young, excited, eager female subs and older doms. The girls cycle through like a conveyor belt, being picked up and used by the ‘doms’, but they don’t come back. It’s just the same doms, back for fresh meat.

Don’t be anyone’s fresh meat. You’re better than that.

The other issue is age. No one needs to tell you lot that girls tend to mature faster than guys. And this comes with BDSM too. I have known many amazingly mature young women who know what they want from BDSM, have read all they can about it, and have the emotional maturity to handle it. I can count the number of young guys I’d say the same about on the thumb of one hand.

Hell, I found my interest in kink emerging before I hit puberty and I still don’t think I could have done much with it by the time I was 18. Apart from rare exceptions most guys can’t handle the responsibilities of being a dom until well into their 20′s, if not later. I only really got good at it when I turned 30.

And so you have yet another dilemma, the most likely place to find anyone with any experience is going to be someone ten or twenty years older than you.

Let’s not rule out the older dom completely (not that I speak with any self interest here whatsoever…). I think there is a role they can play if you’re smart about it. However, they are older, smarter and a fuckload craftier than you are so you really need to put in some safeguards such as:

  • You need to see them primarily as a teacher and a mentor and continually frame the relationship that way
  • You need someone you know and trust watching your back and keeping you accountable so you don’t get sucked into some trap
  • You need to carefully guard your identity and not give them anything they could use to manipulate you until you know and trust them completely
  • You need to dilute the experiences you have with them with other relationships (friendships or more) and take some time outs to get perspective so you don’t get into a dependency trap
  • You have to be ridiculously cautious if you even consider doing anything with them ‘in real life’

Here’s the deal, you need to go anything with an older dom with the mindset of USING THEM. I’m not saying abusively, just that if you find someone you think you can learn from, see them as that, a resource, a teacher, someone you can gain experience from, and yes, ideally become friends with, but ultimately it’s to learn from. There are lots of benefits, but in my opinion it’s not the best choice of the two..

My firm recommendation is you pursue the first option I gave earlier, find someone you want to be with and discover the world of BDSM together.

Why? Because the risks are much lower and the rewards are much greater. You are far less likely to be taken advantage of, and you actually have a real chance of finding someone you love and can be with, properly.

BDSM is awesome, but it’s not everything, Never lose that perspective. It’s the icing (frosting) on the cake of a wonderful relationship, and by choosing this option you’re making sure you get a good cake and don’t just get a plateful of icing which might make you sick if you eat it all.

But that does bring us back to the same issue, where do you find them, and how do you bring this up?

This post is going to be long enough without general dating advice too but here’s some thoughts.

Remember, what you’re looking for is POTENTIAL.

  • He should be creative. Yep, this is number one. The single biggest skill a dom needs is creativity and imagination.
  • He should be empathetic – this means he’s sensitive to what you’re feeling and can read your emotional state and respond accordingly
  • He should like himself – not in an overly egotistical way, but you should look for someone who is comfortable in their own skin, before you let them get under yours…
  • He should be an alpha male (or female, just switch all this genderwise if that’s what you’re after) – this doesn’t mean the cliched sports team captain, but it you are looking for someone who takes the lead when the opportunity arises, who has goals, who others look to for advice or leadership
  • He should be a gentleman – make sure he knows how to look after you and respect you before you give him access to your inner slut and become his little fuck toy

Oh shit, did I just describe what most girls are looking for in any guy… Yep! Welcome to the game of life. But you have an advantage. You’re a kinky little fucker and you aren’t (that) afraid to use it. Pretty much every guy wants the good girl who’s secretly a kinky little slut. You WANT to be that girl! (And let’s be clear here, we’re talking about wanting to be HIS slut, not A slut – very important).

BDSM, and specifically orgasm denial, are absolutely brilliant at helping you know yourself, your body, your mind, what you are capable of. So follow Socrates advice and ‘Know yourself’ first, and then get on board with Jesus’s mantra of ‘love yourself’ too, maybe that’s even more important. 

You are amazing, you don’t need anyone to ‘complete you’, but there is someone out there that will help you be even more than you already are.

So actually my advice is to first explore BDSM with yourself; this blog and others you find are really good resources for that. Get comfortable and confident with it yourself and you’ll be much more relaxed about sharing it with another person.

So how do you explore if this person has what it takes?

People say you can’t bring this kind of thing up on a date, but actually with the 50 Shades effect it becomes more and more easy to do exactly that. You don’t pull out a collar and pop it on the table, but you can do something like bring up what books they like to read, and when they ask you, drop in you enjoy reading erotica. Or talking about TV shows, mention the fact you watch probably too much porn in a jokey fashion. Their reactions will tell you everything you need to know. And again, same with films, either use it to bring up porn or some erotic film you love. If you can’t manage to bring up books, tv or films on a date then you need to work on some basic conversational skills. And you don’t have to be too overt about it, part of the test is their ability to pick up on the hints (and those are pretty big hints).

And as you get to know them more, you play games. No, you don’t need an x-box controller. I mean real games, games that make you think, and talk, and interact. I’ll try and create some specific ones on the blog but things like Truth or Dare where you ask really good questions. Can he share a hot fantasy, can he make one up given a scenario? Can he tell you a story that gets your aching little pussy wet?

One place for excellent practise of this is talking to your girlfriends about these things too. Get comfortable joking about porn or sex toys or masturbation and you’ll find it way easier to subtly bring up with a guy. Treating these topics with a relaxed jokeiness is totally the way to go.

‘Oh but I don’t want to have to ‘train’ a guy to be like that, I want a ready made perfect dom to find me so I don’t have to do any work’. And can he be a billionaire too? Yeah, welcome to life. A few lucky sods trip over the gold nugget that makes their fortune, the rest of us have to work hard for what we want. 

Be prepared to work hard. Learn to love yourself first and foremost, put in the effort to be attractive (because you’re trying to attract someone – I don’t mean you have to conform, I do mean you have to make an effort), take some risks in reaching out, be prepared to fail and learn from them and keep going, don’t pre-judge someone until you give them a chance to show their real selves, always trust your intuition, have fun and don’t take anything too seriously or too fast.

And use people like me for advice, we love to give it, as this overlong answer shows! There is so much more to say on this but that’s my starter for ten. I hope you find it useful and I’m sure there will be some great points in notes giving other opinions (and telling me how wrong I am).

Good luck in your search,

James

female-orgasm-denial.tumblr.com

PS I’m thinking about writing a little book on this topic, I think it’s so important. Let me know in notes if you think that would be useful.

fififlowergirl:

She had never squirted before. She was in shock. Blown away. How her body had taken over. She was shaking. Lost. Sweat-drenched. Lost in her ecstasy. Her pleasure all-consuming.

‘What just happened to me?!’ She asked, smiling slightly but needing reassurance that it was okay.

James, a couple of weeks ago you reblogged a girl masturbating in a dressing room and challenged to take anything, even a hairbrush to a clothing store, try on sexy clothes and masturbate in the dressing room. I couldn’t get it out of my head and today I did it and I have never been more turned on by the excitement of it all but no orgasming here! So proud! Thanks for the challenge. -bobbi

Hi Bobbi! (I do love it when you lot sign stuff, even if it’s just a made up name)

That’s so fabulous, there’s just something SO naughty about doing this stuff, privately in public. Plus who doesn’t like playing dress up! I’m very proud of you too!

Good girl!

My boyfriend isn’t very sexually experienced. Whenever we do stuff, he never gets me off because he doesn’t know what the fuck he is doing, but I don’t have the heart to tell him he’s not doing it right so I just lay there and fake orgasms. What should I do? I’m so frustrated.

female-orgasm-denial:

Well, normally I’d give you lots of advice on how to sort this out. Stopping faking orgasms and teaching him what to do instead. And, if that was what you’re after then you have this post to work with.

But my spidey sense tells me that isn’t what you want to hear. No instead we know what you want…what you, deserve. And you’re getting it, aren’t you anon… Your desperate wet little pussy being fucked so uselessly that all it does is make you more horny. Until he empties his balls with a sad little sigh and rolls over and goes to sleep.

You don’t want to make it better, do you, You want to make it worse.

So here’s what you’re going to do. You’re going to edge your little cunt off before you go and fuck him. Make yourself even wetter and more desperate. I want you crying as you fake your orgasms.

Real tears, fake orgasms.

More than that, it’s time to teach him some oral skills. Not properly of course, just enough to drive you absolutely crazy as he reluctantly tries to spell the alphabet on your clit because for some reason that ridiculous advice is what all teenagers think you should do.

Make sure you fake cumming as he does that too, we don’t want his confidence getting knocked. Encourage him to tongue fuck your pussy, because that’ll do hardly anything for you, but you never know, he might just drown…

And then, then you’re going to become the best girlfriend ever, because edged and dripping, you’re going to tell him you really want him to fuck your ass. 

And what’s amazing is he’s going to make you cum from it, first time, isn’t that incredible! It’s a miracle. He’ll want to do it all the time, boasting to his mates about how he fucks his girlfriend in the ass and makes her cum.

But we’ll know the truth, won’t we… that you’re not cumming, but you are getting exactly what you want.

Good girl.

For more inspiration and a bit of laughter through the tears, read this:

http://female-orgasm-denial.tumblr.com/post/149217132768/my-boyfriend-has-accidentally-been-edging-me-for

Hi I’m the denial slut with the Triquetra. It was completely on accident. My mom got it for me years ago and I wear it everywhere. I feel like my life has taken on a completely new light. Thank you for permission to cum but unfortunately since I set this in my boyfriend decided that he decides when I cum so no orgasm for me yet.

I swear I can’t give these orgasms away.

I love it!

Hey James! My fantasy is being bound helplessly in some sort of tent blindfolded so I can’t see anything and being gagged. With a sign outside the entrance stating “You can have your way with the whore, just don’t leave any markings that are visible while wearing clothes. But most importantly she’s not allowed to cum.” And the men outside could bring in whatever that wanted to help inflict pain or pleasure to me on top of what is already set up in the tent to use.

Fantasy approved!

Share your fantasies people, and then edge as you imagine them getting off to your darkest thoughts. It’s awesome, trust me, it’s why I run this blog!

Sometimes after I edge I feel a little bit of relief. Does that mean I had a partial orgasm? I know when I’ve had a full orgasm, but sometimes I’m nervous that I’ve had a partial orgasm by accident. What do?

Take it less seriously?

Honestly, as long as it feels good and you’re enjoying being horny and wet then you can relax about it. If you want to be really careful just have ‘soft edges’ were you don’t get near orgasming at all. You’ll still feel sexy as fuck and horny as hell.

My husband found out I send u an ask. He told me if I want to touch my clit/edge again I need to ask you (he like it very much sound horny all the time) and he said if you said no. I will be on no touch till he come home (not February now) thanks to you. I’ve been no panties and watching an hour of pron. Wherever I sit I made a mess. Can I please have my panties back so I don’t making mess. And please sir, my poor little clit need some attention very much so. Would u give me permission please?

Oh hello again Slutwife! He ‘found out’ did he… I bet you told him. You can definitely touch, but you have to tell your husband at the end of every day how many edges you’ve done and what you imagine him doing to you while you edge.

You are also to call him and have phone sex while he masturbates too, if he wants to. Listen to him cum while you just edge, he’ll like that.

You may wear panties on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays but only if you’ve watched an extra hour of porn while edging the previous day.

Good wife.

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