I started masturbating at 8 or 9 years old, and even then, despite not really understand what sex was, my fantasies were pretty kinky. Definite BDSM themes of men and women being restrained, exposed, and lots of stuff about breasts and testicles being stretched for some reason.

By puberty I was masturbating daily, and while porn was around (I found a stash in the woods near my house) we didn’t have the proliferation of it online as you do now. So a lot of my early discoveries were some kinky novels my parents thought they’d hidden, and staying up to watch cheesy 60′s horror movies late at night which had some surprisingly sexual scenes in. But pretty damn innocent compared to what’s out there at a click of a button now.

In my late teens internet porn started to proliferate and so I was able to find out about some of the stranger kinks out there – hentai featured a lot at first so I still kinda have a thing for tentacle monsters.

Despite all that I was never really disgusted with it. I did feel I masturbated too much at times, and a few times I took some long breaks from it, six months or so.

I was always very alpha, so my fantasies were mainly with me as dominant. However that side of me only really emerged a few years into my married sex life where we got over the initial fuck like bunnies stage and started exploring together. And as I’ve said elsewhere, the really strong dom stuff only came out post 30, with this whole female orgasm denial thing truly being kicked off by a friend of mine who was massively into it.

I think my biggest issue was not being informed about it. As mentioned, we didn’t have the internet to go to for advice, and it’s not masturbation and porn and sex wasn’t anything any adult ever talked to me about, which is awful really. So there was an underlying worry about it being wrong or harmful. Which is a shame really, and part of why I love the fact I can now inform, educate and titillate through this blog. (I’m now third on Google for ‘orgasm denial’, how crazy is that! 2,000 people a day read this blog from that, of which 80% are new visitors!).

Masturbation is great. Orgasm denial is wonderful. But as with everything, make sure you’re doing it in moderation. If it’s affecting your studies or work or relationships, do what I did, step back and get a bit of perspective. It’s tremendous and so important to know your own body and learn that sex is a good and positive thing. But it’s not everything, in fact it ranks pretty low compared to the importance of loving relationships, education, faith, ambition to make a difference and knowing that you are an amazing, wonderful person. 

So get it in perspective, enjoy it, never feel disgusted with yourself. if you do, forgive yourself, learn from it, get some perspective and move on. If you can’t do that, then find someone who can help you. Who you can talk to in confidence. And when you’re through the other side, maybe you’ll become one of those people that others can turn to when they need it.

And please folks, if you have questions, ask me!

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