It was mind blowing. I couldn’t stop edging and thinking about my cunt and was pretty much constantly wet.

The stand out moment was my orgasm at the end of that period of drought. It wasn’t as satisfying as I’d expected – in fact, it was quite weak. A similar thing happened recently where I came after a few weeks, and my clit kinda hurt during the orgasm.

You’d think that that’d be disappointing or put me off denial, but it really makes my fucked up mind very happy. What if I I could go longer and longer without cumming, and the single orgasm I had in between got weaker and suckier? Wouldn’t that be just perfect?

I do like making her cum for lots of reasons but none of them are related to her pleasure. I like how desperate and disoriented the becomes. I like what a soupy mess her cunt turns into. I like how her little attempts at preserving her dignity succumb one by one the closer she gets. She loves giving me everything, doing everything for my sake, and that is a beautiful thing. But I do enjoy forcing her to take as well as give. I quite like forcing her own greedy orgasm down her throat like an aggressive face-fuck. And of course, the closer she gets to cumming the more her limits crumble. I can make anything hot to her if I force her to contemplate it when she is beside herself with desire. It is a horrible trick, to make her participate in a fantasy she hates just as she cums. As soon as it is over, she has to face the fact forever after that she is the kind of girl who CAME from masturbating to THAT!

? ? it’s been months since I had an orgasm that wasn’t tinged with shame or regret (also because I cum by mistake when I’m not supposed to). But just reading this makes me cringe and wonder why I don’t give up on this stuff. My fantasies are getting progressively worse. And yet far from giving up, I just get more addicted to the humiliation and frustration. Obviously this means what I need to give up on isn’t denial and filthiness; it’s my dignity.

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