This is kind of a weird message, and I usually don’t talk about my insecurities in social media. I’ve become really confident in my body recently, especially my breasts and stomach, but I can’t get over the insecurity of my labia. It’s not necessarily very long, but do you think a man or dominant many who is into pussy play would be okay with it. I fear when partners ask to see it, fearing they will judge. As a male, do you care what a woman’s labia looks like? Is it sexually unattractive?

Hi Anon, thanks for sharing so openly about something that can be difficult to discuss.

Firstly, it’s wonderful to hear you’re getting much more confident about your body. I hope edging and denial has helped play a part in that, as it’s one of the main benefits I often see.

As to labia size, it’s a pretty standard answer. Some will find it a turn off, some will find it a turn on, and most people don’t give a fuck. It’s the same for pretty much any part of our bodies that our body obsessed media choose to pick on this week, breasts, hair, penises, tummies, thighs, whatever.

Some will find it a turn off, some will find it a turn on, most don’t give a fuck.

This is such a helpful way to frame pretty much any part of your body you are insecure about. It’s not denying that some won’t like it it’s just saying that others do, which balance it out, and that actually most people are smart enough for it not to matter and them care about what is important, who you are and what you’re like.

Me, I’m firmly in the latter camp of not caring one way or the other. Really, if you start to stare at any genitals, male or female, for too long you start to think ‘what were they thinking when they designed THAT?!’ 🙂

So the big challenge is for you to be okay with them. Hopefully my above comments make you worry less about what others will feel. And that can lead to you being less worried too. Remember the rule applies to you too, you don’t have to love them, you just have to get yourself to a place where you don’t care, that’s good enough. Play with them, edge a lot, realise you’re far more than a particular body feature and that anybody you would ever be interested in would feel the same way, and you can get on to enjoying the bits of you like best, rather than worrying about the ones you don’t.

I hope that helps,

James