This is going to sound a little weird (and long), but let me make my way through this thought first…

Okay so I’m 21, a virgin, and I’ve never been with anyone else sexually before. I know now that I’m a lesbian, which explains a lot about the reluctance I had all through high school hearing about how eventually I would have to have sex with a guy. I was told it was going to hurt, I was told I probably wouldn’t enjoy it but it HAD to happen eventually, I was told that if I didn’t have sex with a guy something was wrong with me- it was a lot. I guess I internalized it for a really really long time, and eventually I started having this issue where I would go to the bathroom about eight or nine times a day. After an incredibly uncomfortable trip to a urologist, I was told I was clenching my pelvic muscles unconsciously. She said it was stress, but I knew the stress came from an internalized fear of not wanting anything to go inside of me, for fear of the pain and general discomfort I knew would come with it. 

So months pass, and I’m still dealing with this. I’ve been a follower of this blog for a while, and one afternoon I strip off and start following one of your guided masturbation posts. I’m having a great time, just enjoying myself, following all the instructions. At one point you instruct me to slip a finger inside of myself…

and I do.

For the first time in my entire life, I have relaxed enough to put a finger in without it hurting. I was so surprised and elated to find that I had finally freaking done it that I stopped and just kind of sat there, exploring the feeling. I did it, I did it, and I might not have if I hadn’t been following this blog and learning about myself and my body. 

So…..I guess I’m saying thank you?

Thank you!

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