Tag : weight-loss

Hi James, I think I’d like to try to use edging as a motivator to lose weight. Not only is it exercise but I think the discipline of it will help. If you had any suggestions for either tasks or rules to follow that will help me to my ugw please let me know!

Hi there,

It sounds like you have a good approach – it’s definitely the developing of discipline and self control that has the most impact from edging and denial.

I’ve posted quite a few thoughts on it over the years, have a look at the following tag:


how do you feel about chubby submissives, or “cubbsubs” as they’re often called. i feel like they get quite a bit of bad rep.

Interestingly I have got asked this a lot this week. Although five of the asks were exactly the same wording so either they were getting annoyed that I don’t answer asks in seconds or they have a dodgy keyboard…

Anyway, it’s a fair question. I’m not really involved in the wider scene much nowadays but I haven’t seen much of a bad rep for ‘chubsubs’ (a term I’ve personally never heard), however obviously within wider Western society there’s a general negativity about obesity which will carry across into subcultures such as kinksters.

I think whether it’s BDSM or just vanilla your experience will vary. Some guys dig curves, others don’t. There’s 3 billion men out there, a LOT of them are into you, exactly as you are.

We live in an era, and most of us, countries, where being slim is equated with beauty. Of course that’s not always the case, various African and Polynesian countries see bigger as more attractive – and as you can tell from Baroque paintings, being ‘Reubenesque’ was quite the thing in days gone by. But for us being slim, even skinny is idolised. 

I think I’d sum up my own position as chubbiness is fine, laziness is not. So it’s not really about how you look, it’s about attitude. If someone is fat because they eat badly and don’t do any exercise it’s a big turn off. If they are big despite doing the right things and it’s just how they are then it’s ridiculous to say that’s a bad thing.

The biggest challenge, whether you’re fat or thin, is to love yourself, and that’s a big fucking ask for some of you, maybe most of you. It’s especially hard if you’re not fitting into the crazy idealised body shape, size zero supermodel, thigh gap bullshit that is thrown at you everywhere from YouTube to the clothes store changing rooms. And Tumblr is NO exception, no sirree. I follow hundreds of blogs and almost all the photos are of way less than average body size.

Can orgasm denial help with weight loss?

Yes, but I think you need a basic level of self control in the first place. I’ve seen very mixed results with it. For some it’s been no different from any other attempts to lose weight. They try for a week or two but then give up. However, for others it’s been that extra positive motivation which they’ve needed, and setting rewards for targets being met (for example a ruined orgasm every x pounds and only being allowed to cum when they hit their target weight) has been effective, and hot! 

It probably won’t catch on as the new fad diet though.

On a more practical level being horny can really reduce your appetite. No more post orgasm munchies! Plus for some it’s worked to edge instead of giving into a food craving. 

More fundamentally I think that orgasm denial can help you realise or develop more self control and discipline, and that can then lead to more positive results in other facets of your life.

No matter what your weight, the single sexiest thing you can do is love yourself. Out of that comes confidence, positivity and a natural sexual energy.

So work on loving yourself first, try to cut out the ‘if only I was…’ and anyone or everything that makes you think that way. You are amazing, just the way you are, and anyone who doesn’t think so can just fuck off.

I’m trying to loose a few kilograms for summer and wan to do it through denial. Could you give me some ideas? I have thought about just not cumming until I reach a goal but I would like your contribution! Thanks sir :)

I applaud your efforts to motivate yourself, however I’ve tried this quite a few times and rarely found it to be very successful. I’m not writing off the idea, but the challenge is that both orgasm denial and weight loss have an ingredient in common, self control. If you don’t have the self control to exercise and change your diet, then you probably aren’t going to have the ability to deny yourself cumming as a motivation either.

However, let’s not be pessimistic, it’s a hot idea worth trying at the very least.

Here’s the regime I’d recommend.

The Denial Exercise Program™

You’re not to focus on your actual weight, instead you are to find a system that works for you and you will be judged on whether you stick to it or not each week. The weight loss and fitness is a benefit of being disciplined and self-controlled, it is not your goal.

If you’re starting out with running, which is usually the most effective, then the Couch to 5k system is a great starting point. If you go to a gym they should have given you a program to follow. Or if you’re using an app or videos then you’ll have those to work through each time.

You’re to edge with fingers only first thing in the morning and last thing at night to give you an elevated arousal to work with.

You’re to browse Tumblr and masturbate for just three minutes before you head off to do any exercise, and you may only have a proper play in the shower afterwards IF YOU HAVE ACHIEVED YOUR GOAL for that session.

You are to eat healthily, three small meals a day. I want you sitting and eating at a table without distractions (google Mindful Eating to understand why). You are to leave at least one mouthful of food on the plate at the end of every meal. 

You are only allowed fruit or vegetables between meals.

You may only weigh yourself once each week, at the same time and day.

At the end of each day if you have kept to your exercise AND eating goals you may use toys and tumblr to edge yourself. If you haven’t kept to them then you may only use fingers and no porn.

Every Sunday, if you have managed to keep to your goals for 6 days out of seven you may have an orgasm. Just one. Three weeks of success and you have a day of free orgasms as a reward.

If you have managed to keep to them for four days out of seven, you may have a ruined orgasm.

If it is less than four days, you are on no touch for 24 hours.

If you go over by accident during the week then you have to set yourself a ‘punishment exercise’ that is REALLY hard work – a hard run, circuit training, etc. You’ll know what works for you. It must be done the next day.

As with any advice, tailor it to your own circumstances and get the advice of a doctor if there are any health issues to take into account.

And if anyone follows this, please message me to let me know how successful you’ve been with it.

The objective is to develop your self-discipline and control. Do that, and you won’t just lose weight, you’ll be much more successful in all your endeavours. And wonderfully, that’s exactly what this glorious kink of orgasm denial teaches you!

Good luck!

Sir, I am a newbie to denial but I’ve set a challenge for myself. I’m very fit, but I’ve gained weight over the past year (approx 7 pounds) and now everyday I don’t get to the gym is a day I don’t get to come. Anyway to make this meaner, sir? – MM

This is a very regular request actually, tying denial to getting and keeping fit. And the two do naturally mesh as they both have self control as their foundation.

Going to the gym 7 days a week isn’t often ideal, if you want to chat about optimal fitness regimes do feel free to message me. However, that aside, you want it meaner… here it is.

You get to cum, once a week as a maximum. You are to edge first thing every morning, last thing at night and direclty before any gym session. You will only be alllowed to cum if you have managed 5 gym sessions that week, and only had two meals where you haven’t stuck to your own good eating rules. If you’ve failed one of those then you may ruin your orgasm, both, nothing.

You will be limited to one orgasm a week until you reach your target weight.

But by then I think you’ll find you’re a little denial fitness bunny, and probably beg me to not let you cum more than once a month. That’s what usually happens.

We shall see.