Tag : trans-orgasm-denial

Hi James. I’ve been reading your blog for years now and actually created this tumblr later on to follow it, but I’ve been too scared to ask anything until now.. but anyways, I’m trans and just hit 9 months of denial. (partially to save myself from a bit of dysphoria, but also because I love it) I’m finally on track to getting SRS in a few years. Do you think I should wait to cum until after the surgery, or to wait until I find someone I love to experience the first time with?

Hey there,

I think that sex reassignment surgery is one of the biggest decisions anyone can make, and I’d really recommend you cum before important consultations and choices, just because you don’t want your denial affected brain biasing your decisions. Same for any big decisions really. Always a good plan to cum before them and clear your head.

In terms of when else, personally I’d have a final cum before the surgery, as a kind of goodbye, but I’m soppy like that. Also, you’re on at least three months no touch after it and you’ll absolutely want to make sure everything’s working, so definitely come afterwards too.

Good luck with it all!!!

James

Your trans advice was SO uncomfortable to read. It was just.. you’re not comfortable with the idea and started fetishizing, in my opinion. Sorry.

Holy shit, I’m fetishising, god forbid. On a sex blog. Bad me, smack smack.

Look, I’m sorry you felt uncomfortable with it but I couldn’t have packed more warnings into that if I set the post on fire. I did what I thought was responsible and ran it past someone who’s intimately acquainted with the ins and outs of that particular gender minefield and took their opinion into account. (They teared up reading it, just fyi).

It’s okay to be uncomfortable with things, you just need to pause and run it past the ‘YKINMYK*’ filter. You don’t need to jump to accusing me of being uncomfortable just because you are. 

Let’s just calm it down and recognise I’m trying to present Jordan with a variety of different mental tools to help him cope with his dysphoria. I don’t know which will work, the nice concept of ‘it just didn’t happen to you’, or the fact I think it’s hot and want to play. 

So I gave him options. 

The entire point of the fantasy paragraph I drop in is to illustrate I’m NOT uncomfortable with it, and more, I’m not scared of it, in fact as a dom my instinct is to completely fuck with the entire situation in a way I’d never dream of if I wasn’t okay with it. Just because it’s a hot button gender issue does not mean I can’t enjoy the idea of fucking around with it, and if you are uncomfortable with that, there you go.  I’ve had several trans guys I’ve denied and this is just how I like to play with them. Some love it, a few hated it, so I adapted what I did with the latter.

There is a huge amount of strength to be drawn by sharing your deepest fears or anxiety with someone and them calmly showing you it’s not that big or scary to them and in fact, they can play with it. It’s so good to know there is more to life than anxieties that you feel are everything, it can be hugely liberating.

I’m hoping at least one or two of the ideas I gave him will help him ‘have fun with denial’ as he asked and I hope this explains a little more why I replied the way I did.

But thanks for the feedback.

James

*Your kink is not my kink

Hey James! I’m a trans guy into denial and I also have extreme dysphoria. I try to edge a lot of the time and i get almost nowhere. Of course edging Does wonders but my bottom dysphoria gets in the way? Also sometimes it gets harder to breathe when I do accidentally go over the edge because I do bind my chest. I know this is a female orgasm denial blog but is there anything that I can do to have more fun with denial? -Jordan

Hey Jordan,

All denial questions welcome!!! Let’s see what I can come up with for you and those in a similar situation. A quick trigger warning though, I tend to confront things like dysphoria pretty head on, in the belief that we best tackle our demons by facing them. Running from them just means a lifetime of being chased. So some of what I write below is very much punching it in the face territory. It may be you’re not at a point where it’s helpful, but the honesty of your question suggest you might be. So take what’s good for you, and just discard what isn’t, deal?

So for those unsure of what gender dysphoria is, it’s the (sometimes extreme) discomfort felt due to the disconnect between what you know your gender is and the fact your physical body doesn’t match it (I hope that’s a good description).

So for Jordan as a trans guy, he’s naturally struggling with the fact he doesn’t have a cock and balls when his mind and emotions tell him he should have because that’s what guys have. And in reverse, he’s binding his chest to get rid of the breasts that just shouldn’t be there. (Just to put it in plain English.)

Okay, so Jordan, as you’re more than aware, dysphoria is a tricky thing and all kinds of stuff can trigger it, and lots of things can help too, but they REALLY vary. So if the stuff I suggest doesn’t work for you, that’s totally okay (I’m taking a risk with some of these, I warn you now!).

I personally think it’s really helpful to remember that as unborn babies we ALL start out with women’s genitalia, and for most guys there comes a point where a change is triggered and the clit and ovaries drop down into a cock and balls.

That just didn’t happen for you.

So it’s all there, it’s just hidden away. Your clit is actually the same as a teeny little cock. As you rub it and hump it you’re feeling just what a guy would feel. Maybe you can wank it by putting your fingers and thumb in a circle (all the tips together) and pushing up and down. (This can be an amazing technique for any one btw).

Secondly, you could fantasise about the fact nature did this to you because it knew you were a denial slut, and instead of a big cock to stroke it hid it all away to keep you denied and horny, because that’s how you’re meant to be. (Like I said, this might work for you, but it might not, no problem).

Also maybe have an explore into ‘SPH’ or small penis humiliation captions. Some other guys genuinely have cocks the size of a clit, and the whole idea of having it locked away because it’s not big enough might just be a turn on for you as you can identify with that.

Other fantasies might help create a context for your situation that again just makes it fun to get off on. The idea that magic has somehow transformed you, that it’s deliberate you’ve been trapped inside a woman’s body just to deny you, that could be hot too (or it could be totally unhelpful, and that’s okay!).

There’s some REALLY good hentai on that theme if you do like it. Have a look at the tg transformation tag as a starting point.

Again, it might be helpful to know that as a denial dom, I find your situation somewhat alluring. The idea of you trapped inside that body, the female form that I find so beautiful, but all the desires of a man. Fucking you in the arse because that’s how male subs are used, making you suck my cock while I tease you about not having your own to pleasure. The worst thing though, sometimes I’d feminise you, I’d look in your eyes and know you were a man and then I’d put you in pretty dresses and heels to make it worse. My male denial slut trapped in a woman’s body, I’d not run away from it, I’d embrace it, because you’re special, and I like it and I want to deny you till you break.

Because you know what, I’m meaner and crueller to guys than I ever am to girls. You’d be so fucked.

(I REALLY hope that fantasy has some positives for you or I’m a complete shit…)

To move it away from the sexual and denial side, I think the key with any dysphoria is to choose to stop hating parts of yourself. It IS you, as you reach down between your legs we want to stop you feeling that sense of disgust, and move it to a point where, while you won’t like it, you don’t hate it. Because if it’s hate then that’s ALL you will be thinking about, and we need to get on with life as we are, no matter how things may change in the future.

It’s all too easy to waste our lives thinking ‘if only this was different everything would be great’. It’s bullshit, everything is great because we decide, here and now, to believe that. If we pin it on some future event we condemn ourselves to not feeling great now.

So forcing yourself to think things like ‘I don’t like this but it’s how I am and I love me’, and ‘Other people love this, I don’t like it but I don’t hate it’, and even ‘I am beautiful, just the way I am’ might just help take the extreme edge off your dysphoria and let you have more fun with sex and denial.

Just to note, this all applies to EVERYONE who doesn’t like part of their body. Choose today to not let it bother you so much and focus on the bits you do like, it’s so freeing. (I know it’s not that easy but we all have to start somewhere).

So Jordan, I hope some of the other ideas above might be useful in just giving you a fantasy space you can also escape to that will reconcile how you feel with what your body had given you. Learn to love yourself more, have some fun with whatever fantasies you find help, and I think you’ll be setting yourself on a very positive path.

Horizon, the BBC’s long running serious documentary show had an extraordinary programme just last night on the latest in the medical side of it all. For those who can access iPlayer:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/b096k5dm/horizon-2017-being-transgender

On the chest binding thing, be careful with that, we don’t want you passing out only to be found in flagrante delicto… The obvious answer is, don’t cum or keep the binding looser… but I hope some of the ideas above will give you a new perspective to explore on your situation and at least some of them will help overcome at least in part the dysphoria. You’re awesome.

Yours

James

(PS Thanks to Kai, my intersex friend for his expert advice on the above!)

Random trans guy who enjoys your blog here. I actually edged for the first time like a half hour ago (with an hour of just slow grinding as a lead up, it was very nice) and like… when I cum I usually feel so tired and exhausted, but I’m vibrating with energy right now. Like yeah I’m still kinda horny but I don’t really have a need to do anything right now (I assume it’ll get worse if I continue to edge only) but is that normal? To have a burst of energy?

Very normal! Edging and denial can be very energising indeed. Different routines work for different people so explore and see what works for you!

Hello, I’m a transgirl and I’m really excited to participate in juNO. I’m getting a little extra money this month and have been wrestling with the idea of finally buying a chastity cage. Is this a sign to commit and buy one? -Jade

Yes, yes it is! And as I pointed out in that other post you can now get fake plastic copy ones for less than a fiver (they won’t last long and will pinch you once they break but what do you want for that litte? Or you can get some amazing metal ones from sites like Toys for Naughty Boys for about £30, which is great value if you ask me.

Check out the chastity device reviews on KeepHimCaged, they’re usually pretty helpful.

What are your thoughts on trans girls?

They are wonderful!

Actually, if you’re a trans girl but you still have your penis (or swap in preferred term here) you kind of have a special advantage in my opinion, because the one area where the poor cis female denial sluts don’t do so well as the boys is the chastity belts are pretty awful, super uncomfy, expensive (still can be very hot though). However, if you’ve got a little boi clit to lock in a cage (I really love cages) then you have the best of both worlds, a nice little leaking denial slut but absolutely no access to do anything about it, yummy!

If in doubt, lock it up!

Oh and for inspiration check out the incredible Kitty Lynn on our very own Tumblr.

On a more profound and less sexual level though, I think, trans guys or girls have one of the hardest challenges facing any group. Just seeing the struggle with friends of mine as they face the incredibly difficult journey of figuring out who they are and what they need to be is truly exhausting and can be devastating to important relationships. Anyone going through it has my admiration and respect. Hang in there, find people who love you for who you are, not who they want you to be, and believe in yourself, you are amazing.

No special treatment though! You’re still not allowed to cum! 😛

I just spent like an hour on your blog because I was like “yo, hot stuff”, but then I realized that I’m actually really interested in you as a person and how you work with all this. I also wanted to know if you’d take on my rather tricky case – I’m a pre-op trans guy but a very sexual being and very into denial. I just happen to suck at it. Almost all anons on here were female but I wasn’t sure if that was your preference…? I’m on mobile so I didn’t find any FAQ or anything ahhh sorry

Well thank you, so nice to know the blog’s hot, most appreciated! I tend to not say too much about myself here as this side of things doesn’t mix too well with my professional life, but as I get to know someone who wants to submit their orgasms to me then naturally I share more in the privacy of that.

Very happy to discuss how I can help with your denial, my favourite solution in a situation like yours is to cage that little boi clit between your legs with a combination lock only I know the solution to, insta-denial. 

I promise to let you out by Christmas; probably this one.

Message me and we can talk it through. This could be you…

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