Getting stuck in a rut…
Posted on: February 9, 2016 /
I’ve had a couple of messages today on a very similar theme:
I’m doing something sort of bizarre to me. I’m a super needy sex obsessed virgin, and this is a very spur of the moment decision, but this feels right to me, and was curious for any feedback you might have.
So, like many girls, I’m having troubles stemming from prone masturbation. Squeezing, sometimes a pillow and sometimes just on my thighs, REALLY HARD untill I cum. Obviously, this will present many problems when it comes to orgasming with a partner, but it also at times makes it difficult to even make myself orgasm, because of the immense pressure I need to cum.
I read that prone masturbation literally makes your nerves numb, which makes you have to press harder, which makes you more numb… in a continuous cycle. I haven’t really investigated the truth of that claim, but it makes sense to me and seems to fit in with my experiences. (A few times when I took a few weeks without masturbation, I’ve managed to use my fingers… but then I’d go back to the good ol’ way and lose progress.)
Soooo I’m thinking of using an edging/predicament challenge in the meantime while I learn a new way. I’m thinking of taking a week long challenge to edge on a pillow (but more gently) say, 3 times a day, and only allow myself to cum if I can relax and use my fingers to get there, not squeeze harder. I just did my first edge. What say you?
and then this was sent anonymously:
When I was little I used the thigh squeezing technique a lot and now it’s the only thing I can use to edge or cum. I really want to edge other ways but I can’t. I just tried to get to the edge for an hour by touching and I couldn’t. How do I fix this? I want to edge in other ways.
So first let’s talk about ‘prone masturbation’ that is, masturbating lying on your tummy with most of the stimulation coming from pushing into the bed or a pillow that you have put between your legs. Humping the bed, basically.
So, the only report I’ve ever seen that said it was bad was for MEN. Because if you’re humping and there ain’t no hole… then it’s basically like smacking your cock against a wall. Now okay, that doesn’t sound good, but in my own experience that’s never how I’d do it, it was always about rubbing your cock up and down the sheet. Maybe I was doing it differently but besides friction burns I never experienced any ‘cock shock’. But anyway, apparently, if you are slamming your cock into a hard surface, it’s bad for you. Who’d have thought.
Back to girls. Clearly this isn’t the same issue. What’s happening in both these cases of prone masturbation and thigh squeezing is you’re learning to cum a particular way and you’re conditioning yourself to require the certain combination of pressure, muscle tension and stimulation to achieve orgasm.
And you’re both right, this isn’t great because when you have sex you won’t be getting that same combo. So you need to introduce some variety.
First you need to learn you can cum different ways. So you need to stop doing it prone or via thigh squeezing, at all. Don’t do some half measure as you suggest. Cut it out completely for a while.
Can’t you cum yet any other way? Good. This is a denial blog after all. Just getting super horny and wanting to cum and be desperate is a key part of your retraining (well I think so anyway).
The best option, if you can, would be to get a vibe, or if you can’t do that, get an alternative, a cheap electric toothbrush. You can even use your phone, check out vibrator apps. Gillette have now released a ‘vibrating razor’ – those guys are smart… so see if you can find that.
But you are not allowed to use your old habitual way of cumming for two weeks minimum. I don’t care how horny and desperate you get, I want you to have learnt to cum a few different ways before you’re allowed to go back to the old way, and even then, you can’t use that every time in future. Some options include:
- just persevering using your fingers, try my guided masturbation tasks to really help you get into that
- using a jet of water from the showerhead on your clit
- lying with your pussy under the bath tap
- combining finger fucking with clit rubbing
- grinding on a surface like the edge of a mattress or arm of a chair where you’re NOT lying down
If you find you absolutely can’t get to the edge without using some of your old ways of doing it then your idea of combining them and then using your fingers to take you over is a good one. But this is more a mental challenge than a physical one so I want you to try to take a complete break from it unless you find nothing else works, and you’ve tried for at least a week.
Once you’ve unlearnt your reliance on a single approach then of course you can go back to using it, but with moderation. Both of your masturbation styles actually use your muscles nicely and incorporate your pelvic floor muscles, which is no bad thing as it means you can squeeze a cock with your pussy very nicely when you do have sex. So don’t throw that away, just force yourself to learn that you can cum various ways, and then continue to mix it up in future.
This problem is actually most prevalent with vibrators! That girls will use them so much they aren’t able to cum without them. And then you discover when it comes to sex, that real people don’t buzz.
So if you DO have one, make sure you’re not being lazy and using it every time, but you practise edging/cumming with just fingers, or one of the other ways listed above. My denial sluts are only allowed to use their fingers for their first and last edges of the day, to avoid exactly this issue.
Not that you should be cumming anyway, but it’s nice to know you can, isn’t it…
PS ‘Super needy sex obsessed virgin’ – I think that just got about half the readership of this blog going ‘HEY THAT’S ME!’ Good work!