Tag : sex-ed

I’m having sex for the first time new week because I’m ready emotionally and physically but want some advice on how I should go about trying to fit my boyfriend’s díck in my pussy when I can’t even get 2 fingers in their myself even after trying for so many years. HOW DO I GO ABOUT THIS?

Okay, I’m very glad you asked about this!

So look, not to get too personal but a lot depends on how big his cock is. The average cock size is about 6 inches. And if he’s around average size then as long as you take things slowly, get really excited first, and USE LUBE it’s going to be fine.

Lube makes your cherry pop so much sweeter

No really, just your wetness, or god forbid, spit, is NOT ENOUGH. Especially when you’re doing it for the first few times but honestly, lube always makes sex better (and is always essential for anal sex, ALWAYS).

Your pussy is designed for cock, if you’re relaxed, lubed and horny it’s going to be good. 

But let’s step away from the denial blog here, and get reading my tips on how to make the first time AWESOME

Follow those tips, and you can’t go far wrong. If your hymen is still intact there might be a little sharp moment of pain where that’s streched more, and even a little blood, from both that and just your vagina isn’t used to being fucked, yet… but that’s completely normal and your pussy, like your mouth, heals super fast and is literally designed for this, so go slow, have fun, and you’ll do great.

Unless, he has a monster cock. If he’s really well endowed then we just need to add a bit more to think about. Basically, it’s going to hurt. Hopefully not a lot, and hopefully, if you’ve done all the above, in that ‘good kinda hurt’ way. Some women actually totally love that feeling of being stretched, but you’re new to it so the big thing is to use EXTRA lube and go EXTRA slow. I mean, crazy good self control by him needed here not to just wham it in, In fact the best tip is just as I’d suggest with anal for anyone, you go on top for that first time. Lower yourself onto him as slowly as you want, and take it little by little, stretching and edging yourself as you go. If it hurts too much then just go for getting the head in and then give him a blow job for being so patient and try again another day.

If he is big btw, make sure to read my guide on blow jobs for big cocks

Two notes, if it continues to hurt, go see a doctor! It shouldn’t and doctors literally train to help you with this stuff. So be brave and don’t suffer, get it sorted.

Secondly, all this assumes you’re both being smart with both birth control (don’t be in this situation, ever) and safe sex. If you’re not, then you might be emotionally ready but you ain’t physically ready, so get it sorted first and make sure it’s a hot, fun and sexy first time.

Oh and tell us all about how it goes cos’ we’re all pervs here and we love hearing about it.

Oh and I’d be remiss if I didn’t add edging into the mix. Edging for a few days up to it would never be a bad thing, it’ll help you be at peak arousal when it’s all happening, which you’ll both enjoy.

James

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so i recently got my first vibrator and i tried to use it but like it didnt seem to fit inside of me ??? Im a virgin so i have no idea what i was doing and it just hurt and was generally uncomfortable. I didnt even get it half in! Any tips or something?

Okay, so, firstly well done on buying a vibe.

While you can use them inside you, they are mostly used on the outside, on your clitoris. yep, even the ones that look like cocks or the ones that are classic vibrator shaped:

They’re that shape because yes, you CAN use them inside you, and it can be nice to fuck something that’s safe to put inside and a bit bigger than the hairbrush or fingers most start with. But even though it’s so phallic, it’s still mostly used pressed against your clitoris (google that it you’re not sure where to find it, but it’s the bit that feels great when you rub it).

So okay, when you are using it vaginally, it’s going to be tight at first. The vagina is about as close to magic as bits of the human body come. That tight little hole is also able to fit big fat cocks in it and also get babies out of it. But all that takes some time to work up to. And most importantly, if you’ve not played up there much or at all, you’ve got a hymen in the way. 

Not sure how that all works, read up on my hymen tab:

http://edging.space/tagged/hymen

As described there, your hymen will stretch, and also your vaginal muscles will relax as you play more, and you really do want to play more, let me tell you. Not only can your vagina do all that cool stuff, but it feels amazing when you play in there. That’s mostly the G-spot, which is located kind of the far side of your clitoris, just out of reach of your fingers if you’re playing with yourself (see God does have a sense of humour) but just perfectly in reach if someone else plays there or you put in a brush or a vibe like this. Actually, vibes like the one above aren’t brilliant for it because the g-spot is kind of in and UP a bit, on your tummy side, so that’s why you’ll see lots of vibrators and dildos that are curved, because they get there much better.

Stats show only about a third of women ever learn to come from just vaginal stimulation, from just fucking, or using a dildo, without stimulating their clit. Now my theory is that’s simply because so few are ever taught or encouraged to play in there. Most of the women I do some teaching and training with learn to orgasm just from playing with their g-spot. It takes a bit of time and practise but it’s more like 80% who actually try and give it a proper go.

The other key when you’re new to all this, OP, is lube. Either you need to have been playing with your clit and edging and got very, VERY wet before you try vaginal penetration with anything bigger than your finger, or you need to invest in some basic lube, and just a squirt of that will make everything feel 100 times better instantly, Seriously, if I could take one sex aid to a desert island, it’d be a bottle of lube

Lovehoney have a 20% off if you buy two lubes deal at the moment so check out all the different types and read their reviews and invest in

Lovehoney Lubes – Check them out here…

So in summary, OP, focus on using the vibe on your clit, that’s where most do, but do keep exploring, as you get hornier and wetter, using it inside you too to explore how being fucked feels, and also seeing if you can get those vibrations up onto your g-spot. Oh yes, and you’ll know you get it as it’ll feel good but also, you’ll have the urge to pee mostly. That’s totally normal, and it passes, don’t let it put you off. It’s not that you need to pee (just pee before and you’ll realise that’s true as your bladder is empty) but it’s you starting to build up the ‘female ejaculate’ that women squirt, because yes they do too, read up on that too, it’s cool!

I hope that helps, 

James

do you have any advice on analingus?

Try it, it’s awesome!

For those who don’t know, analingus (often called ‘rimming’ or a ‘rimjob’ or even ‘tossing the salad’ (for obscure salad cream in prison related reasons)) is the licking of the arsehole for sexual stimulation. For obvious reasons it’s quite a taboo idea, but it really can be quite wonderful.

Here are my steps to successful analingus…

Step 1: SQUEAKY CLEAN BUTTHOLES

The first point is about hygiene, anything less than squeaky clean is not cool. If you have a scat fetish that’s another thing, but for most of us we want to enjoy it without any worries about the actual poo side of things. So if I’m going to receive it, or give it, that ass better be fresh out of the shower having been scrubbed, yes SCRUBBED clean. Get a soapy finger up there too and give it a good rinse with a shower jet for good measure.

I want to see it SPARKLE (My Little Pony pun right there)

Step 2: Get intimate, get horny

While there are exceptions (see below), on the whole we don’t go right into assdiving as our first move. Analingus is something a lot of people only want when they are insanely horny, as being in that state of mind helps them drop any reservations they have about it and just enjoy the pleasure and the intimacy. That means spend some quality time pleasuring each other in all the ways I’ve shown you before you think about getting into it.

Step 3: Tease your way to it

Analingus is a lot about the mindfuck – ‘Oh my god is he going to lick my… ohhhhhhhh!’ So don’t just jump right in, once she or he is super horny and ready for it, slowly work your way to it. Start with wandering fingers, around the asshole, not even on it yet, combine masturbating or sucking them with some finger tips exploring around their ass. Then move down but just kiss and lick around there, build the anticipation before your tongue starts flicking right on their chocolate starfish.

Here’s the thing about analingus, it feels good but not THAT good. It’s a lovely, sexual stimulation, but that’s not the real thrill of it. The main thrill is you’re licking someone’s asshole, it’s just so fuckingly ridiculously intimate. Your mouth, their asshole, and they can’t do much but lie there and experience it as you giving this to them.

The next day when you’re out shopping with them you’ll still be thinking about what you did and getting horny over it, and the secret smile in their eyes shows they’re thinking about it too.

Step 4: Build it up and make them cum WITH it (not FROM it)

After doing it a bit on it’s own you then want to combine it with other stimulation that will take it to another level and get them cumming (if they’re allowed…).

You can increase the intensity of what you do, and this is where you build from licking around and on their ass to tongue fucking it, pointing your tongue and pushing the very tip a little into them. It’s quite tiring on your tongue so don’t expect to do it for long.

Going back to hygiene this is why you want to have soaped up inside your bottom with a finger in the shower, but even if you do, if you tongue fuck their ass, you will taste, ass. It’s a unique taste, a bit earthy, not unpleasant, and if they’ve washed, hardly noticeable. But if you’re horny enough when you give it, you’ll like it.

Done on a guy this has the amazing slang name of ‘The Rusty Trombone’

(Go on, you can figure it out… and yes it feels fucking amazing!)

It’s very unlikely most people can cum from just analingus, although the mind is a wonderful thing. But you DO want to keep doing it until they cum because it starts to tie in that even greater pleasure to having their ass licked, and I find as you do that over time it almost trains someone to feel greater pleasure from it than it did originally. SO yes, if you’re exploring this then make sure you bring them all the way while you’re doing it the first few times (if they aren’t denied, in which case edge their fucking brains out while you tongue their ass).

After that they’ll have an easier time receiving it as you’ve tied those good feelings to it, and you can be less intense with it and just drop it into your sexy time on a more casual basis.

‘EAT MY ASS, BITCH’ – Asslicking in D/s

If you’re in a D/s relationship then analingus can have a whole extra depth to it, because being told, and made to go and lick your dom(me)s ass is a total mind fuck. If you’re down there, lapping at their asshole while your denied cunt just drips, unsatisfied, needy, well it’ll get you right into subspace, trust me. It very much ‘puts you in your place’ which we know, you love.

Unf.

Analingus FAQs

Does it taste of shit?
No, not if as instructed it’s had a good clean. If you’re worried about this, or if you’re doing this with someone you’d use protection with anyway, then you can use a ‘dental dam’ (see below).

What if I want to fart?
Tell them! Real sex is full of moments like this, just warn them, move over, get it done and if you want to, go back to it; but honestly, I’m usually laughing too much the few times this has happened to do that, we’d go on to something else, but it’s not a problem.

What about sexual health issues?
As I said above, if you’re doing this with someone you’d use other sexual protection with then you can use a ‘dental dam’ for analingus which is basically a very thin stretchy rubber sheet you put over the top. It still feels pretty good but you have that little bit of separation. I have no idea where I’d go and buy one though (although your local STI clinic would definitely have them) so the alternative is cut the tip off a condom, so it’s a tube,and then cut it along the tube so it opens up into a rectangle, clever huh!

There’s a video of this on Facebook of all places

So there you go, happy asslicking my lovely followers, may you discover its joys for yourselves (and then tell us all about it!)

James

When I finger myself im gonna be unvirgin or?

No, virginity isn’t a physical thing, it’s a concept – you technically only lose it when a penis enters your vagina. Nothing else does it, Not a finger, not a hairbrush handle, not a tampon, not panties, not a dildo, not even if you stuck a hand in there (although what’s lesbian etiquette, does a strap on count, someone tell me).

The physical part of virginity is related to the hymen, a thin membrane that most but not all women have a little way into their vagina, but this is more of a frill than a covering, a common misconception. If you don’t know about the hymen you NEED TO WATCH THIS VIDEO. 

Read this too and feel free to come back with any more questions – I love sex ed!

https://female-orgasm-denial.tumblr.com/post/118770683913/im-kind-of-nervous-asking-this-but-ive-been

Send me your sex-ed queries, no such thing as a stupid question.

https://female-orgasm-denial.tumblr.com/ask

P.1 Hey, love your blog, longtime follower here.So sex with my boyfriend is pretty lame. Ive put up with it for over a year now and honestly i can’t be bothered anymore. Never had an orgasm during sex. I have had some from foreplay. But like 4times.

And the first time it happened was like 11months into being intimate with him. And even those were kinda lame. He was touching my clit so hard and even the orgasms weren’t that enjoyable. Problem is he thinks he’s fantastic in bed.


99% of the time we have sex goes like this: kissing, 1-2 minutes of foreplay, then penetration. It won’t go in at first since im nowhere near ready. Hurts. And then sex that really isnt doing much for me if not hurting. I have been dropping hints

It’s never about making me feel me feel good. We never try to get ne off. He says he loves to go down on a girl yet has only done it to me for a total 35 seconds in a year. He’s a really sweet guy and is really sensitive. I don’t know what to do

He knows what I’m into. Ive given him a step by step run down of how to give me an orgasm, because he says he wants too but it hasn’t changed anything. More than anything it hurts emotionally. The sexual frustration is nothing.

It makes me feel like an object, a walking fleshlight. I don’t want to hurt his feelings by being harsh but subtly hasn’t worked. I love him so much. I really don’t know what to say anymore. Tried to bring it upthe other day and it failed

I really want to enjoy sex. I want to try edging with him so bad. He’s the only person I have been with and we are pretty comnitted. Really sucks thinking i never had nor will ever have satisfying sex

This is what you’re going to say:

‘Baby, come and sit down, we need to talk. There’s something I’ve been trying to tell you for a while and I just don’t think you’re getting the message, and I don’t know what to do.

I love you, but this is killing me, and we need to do something about it 

What is it?…

You’re really bad at sex.

No, I’m not kidding. Do I look like I’m kidding. I know, you think you’re good, but listen to me, you are not. I’ve tried being subtle, I’ve tried bringing it up before, but it’s reaching the point where I just have to be blunt about it so we can make things better.

Look, read this:

http://female-orgasm-denial.tumblr.com/post/145954751103/hey-this-is-kinda-embarrassing-but-im-going-to

See how this guy describes having sex? THAT is what I need, not always, not even most of the time, but at LEAST sometimes.

So here are some new rules.

I cum first. Yep, every fucking time (I’m kinda into this thing called orgasm denial but we’ll get to that once we’ve got it working right in the first place).

For now, sex hurts, because I’m not ready for it, so rule 2, I cum before you even get to fuck me, and if I’m still not feeling ready we can use some lube.

So besides making me very happy here’s some reasons why you want to do this. If I’m excited about sex, and enjoying it, I’m going to want to do it more, a lot more. Unlike you, the MORE I fuck the hornier I get.

And again, if I’m happy and horny there’s some really kinky shit I’m going to feel like exploring that we haven’t even got near yet because we’re still stuck on the first floor. Yes honey, that’ll probably include fucking my ass – god you guys are predictable, that’s cute.

So, what do you say? Shall we get good at sex together?’


Then again, you could write him a song:

So ive been seeing this guy for a while but he hasnt yet cum. He has said that my head is great but i cant get him to cum from it. The sex is great too but the condoms make it hard for him to cum. (He agrees its a bad idea to go without even though im on the pill). But its getting frustrating for me and i worry it’s frustrating him worse. I really want to pleasure him but i dont know how to do more for him and thought you may have some ideas.

Okay, let’s roll this back to basics. Forget about blowjobs, forget about sex, and let’s just figure out what makes him cum. To do this you need three things, your hand, some lube and no pressure time together. 

Mutual masturbation, that’s what we’re talking about. You kissing and snuggling and touching each other without any rushing. Lots of lube on his cock, sliding it up and down, playing with it and then – you ask him to show you what he does. Yep, he is the world expert on making that thing cum, so ask him to show you. Now that doesn’t mean you have to do it the same, but 1. it’s fun to watch, and 2 you will learn some stuff. 

Is he nervous about that? Cool ‘Wanna watch me?’ you reply. Hell yes he does! Let him wank while he watches you play, put on a nice little show, but no cumming, not for either of you, yet.

So, once you try that, you take back control and now you’ll find it easier to talk about what feels best. And still, no pressure, just have fun, relax. If it’s still not happening, maybe browse Tumblr together, maybe read this blog, that’d really get you in trouble huh… And ultimately if you can’t make it happen, kneel on the floor, and tell him to cum on your face ‘so you can watch close up’ of course. Congrats, you just became his porn star and everything is great! And with what you’ve learnt, you can try again and soon, if you  haven’t already, you’ll have him cumming like nobody’s business.

Then, simply take the same approach with blowjobs, taking your time and talking about what is best. Look up blowjob tips on Tumblr, there’s some good stuff. But the most important thing to remember is most real blowjobs are VERY hand assisted, they’re more of a wank with the tip in your mouth. So if you’ve got the handjob bit nailed, your mouth sucking and licking the end is just a bonus. You’ll have him there in no time!

I hope that helps!

Hi there! I hooked up with a guy last night and I’ve only had sex once before so I’m very tight and when we were hooking up it was very painful and I had to ask him to stop because it hurt to much and was too tight. Do you have any ideas how I can make the next time more enjoyable and comfortable? We definitely had enough foreplay so I’m not sure what else I can do. Any advice would help xx

Relaxing and practising, those are the two magic ingredients, and thankfully practising helps you relax!

So, when you’re masturbating and edging focus on fingering yourself as part of it, work from one finger to using two and just explore how tight you are and how that changes as you get more confident with it.

In an ideal world you’d also have a dildo you can practise with, so once you’re cool with fingers switch that in – but failing that, a clean, or condom covered hairbrush handle will often do nicely. Play around, discover your gspot, realise that your vagina is awesome and once you’re relaxed it can feel amazing. And when you’ve learnt that by yourself, it’s time to teach him!

What happens when you’re new with sex is even with a lot of foreplay when he tries to put his cock in you, you are nervous and so you tense up, so then he has to push harder, and it hurts, and so you tense up even more. 

A one way trip to painville.

So going nice and slowly, talking to each other, using lube, proper lube, not spit! Yes, even though you’re wet, adding lube makes a WORLD of difference. You can get it cheaply in any drugstore. If your’e embarrassed you can always buy KY Jelly which is like old school lube but newer ones by Durex etc are better. You’re buying condoms anyway, right, right?! Just add some lube at the same time.

The other factor to be taking into account if you haven’t had much sex yet is that pesky hymen maybe still around. If you’re not completely sure what’s going on there (it doesn’t break, it kind of wears away…) watch this amazing video. Actually watch it anyway, it should be mandatory in all schools.

‘I’m making a hyyyymen’ – Gold.

Children get curious when they hit puberty. They watch porn/see things that are not obtainable unless by photoshop or plastic surgery. You feel anything but ‘hot’ during puberty & in porn only ‘hot’ girls/guys do sex stuff. By no one teaching them what sex & pleasure is really about, their self image & esteem suffers. By teaching them it, the healthy way, without bad influences (porn etc) they will be more likely to do things at their own pace & not do it to just get it overwith. Good parenting!

#preach

Personally I got curious way before puberty. I was masturbating most days from about 7 years old and even long before that remember chasing after feelings of arousal. 

This tends to happen with girls too especially if they discover the whole thigh squeezing masturbation technique, which some report doing from VERY early on.

This incredible list of comments on a question about it is absolutely fascinating reading:

http://en.allexperts.com/q/Female-Masturbation-3327/f/Crossing-legs.htm

Oh yeah, this is awesome for secret orgasm denial… just saying…

(1/2) Growing up I was homeschooled, and so I never had any sex ed class, since those “aren’t a thing with homeschooling” (apparently). My parents always thought of sex or anything to do with it as a taboo topic, so it was never even mentioned. I never really learned much about my own body until after college. I had time in college, but naive as I was, got in a relationship way too quickly and got pressured into sex and other things I didn’t enjoy.

(2/2) Being told “you’re supposed to enjoy this, how can you not know?” and “learn to enjoy it”. That relationship lasted for 3 years and ended badly when things got pushed way too far for my comfort. I wish my parents had been more open about sex, or even just had a 15 minute talk about it. In think your opinions and ways of parenting are amazing and eye opening, really.

Firstly thank you for sharing your experience (and all the other encouraging messages too guys). 

I’m not saying talking to your kids about sex isn’t hard, but it’s so necessary. I went to catholic school and my parents said literally nothing to me about sex, ever – I didn’t even know what was happening when puberty hit. So I was absolutely determined to do it differently. And as it happens I have this very unenglish attitude that I’m absolutely shameless talking about sex to anyone so that’s kind of handy.

A big part of the problem nowadays is we’ve often lost the extended family unit. Cool aunts and uncles are great people to have these conversations with (in theory) but we’ve lost that in many cultures and for obvious reasons the roles that have replaced that, coaches, teachers, youth group leaders, etc, aren’t really appropriate to talk to as it may get THEM in trouble. Or more often there’s just no one except your peer group, who struggle with exactly the same questions but one of them happens to be cool enough to sound like they know what they are talking about. They don’t.

What I know from my own experiences teaching and denying women, and all the amazing feedback I get from running this blog, is that you learning how your own body works, discovering how to give yourself pleasure, and exploring the different ways you get turned on, has huge benefits when it comes to both sexual and everyday confidence.

Can I also add I’m always happy to answer any sex ed questions, and I usually prioritise those. But also let me recommend http://sexetc.org/ as a place to find answers. Mine will definitely be kinkier…

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