Tag : safe-sex

Hey this may be embarrassing for you to answer but it is just as bad to ask. So my boyfriend and I have been having anal sex for 8 months now and we have had no problems until as of recent I’ve been accidentally shitting on his dick. I don’t feel it happening until I feel the outcome if that makes any sense.i know it’s gross but of course I have no idea what to do. We have been denying my orgasms since day one.

It’s not embarrassing at all. It’s a bit gross but so are lots of things in life we have to deal with, so yeah, it’s great you asked!

So, the fact you’re getting poo on his cock all of a sudden might indicate you’ve loosened up your anal sphincters a bit too much by doing a LOT of anal. However if you’re not noticing any problems beside sex then I wouldn’t think it’s a big issue. Maybe just ease up a bit on how much you’re doing it and see if it makes a difference.

But besides that, you need to explore a better washing out regime. Most find that a simple little anal bulb douche two or three times an hour or so before sex will rinse out anything near your butt and leave you good to go.

There’s other options too, but I won’t go into detail, here’s a good write up: https://thebiggayreview.com/anal-douche-guide/ – any of those will help, just by washing out any poo that’s near enough to cause problems. But note you don’t want to go too far with it as then it becomes a ‘colonic’ and washes out MORE stuff from your lower intestine, so doesn’t help at all.

So, I hope that helps. Some find the whole douching and enema experience REALLY hot btw, so see if it’s a turn on for you or just a practical aid to keeping anal sex as squeaky clean as anything shoved up a butthole can manage to be!

James, I just read your post about using vegetables properly 😉. Many years ago I worked in an emergency room. 2 incidents happened that should serve as a warning. A girl used a FROZEN hotdog and it froze to her labia. A woman used a Jack Daniels bottle and the cap cap off inside her. Both very embarrassing things when you got to go to get them removed. So teach them wisely.

Thanks @jafotou, I forgot hotdogs. Frozen, just bad idea. I’m sure I posted about how to safely make an ice dildo at some point but with any ice play, the thing has to be melting before it’s safe to use near any skin. Oh and mayonnaise is a laxative, don’t ask me how I know, but it did involve someone with food fetish.

Good point on caps too, condoms really should be used on things like that. Any caps or the rings around the top of bottles is asking for trouble. It should also be well cleaned first, we don’t want you getting poorly.

Ultimately, ladies, if you can, try and be brave and buy proper sex toys. They are so cheap now, you can get a good dildo for the price of a few coffees.

Oh and here’s a great tip that I think I forgot to say before. If you’re worried about someone else in the house opening the parcel, you tell them ‘oh I ordered you a gift, so please don’t open anything as I don’t want to spoil the surprise’. But yeah, you do actually have to buy them a gift too of course.

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Hi James. I don’t have any actual sex toys, so I have to get creative. Do you know if it is safe for me to use vegetables washed and wrapped in plastic wrap?

A condom is better but yes, food safe plastic wrap is an okay alternative. It  can be weirdly sharp if ruffled up though, so just try to keep it nice and smooth.

The washing is important too, you just don’t want pesticides or soil bacteria inside you, that isn’t going to do you any good.

If you are exploring fucking vegetables (and millions do!) then a few tips:

Make it a whole fun experience. Before you go shopping, edge your brains out thinking how it’s going to feel to shove something deep in you. Go to the store wearing something you feel sexy in, and ideally in a skirt or dress with no panties. 

Pick out a few different things to try. A carrot is often a good starting point, find one that tapers wider, and then also one that’s thicker all along it. Courgettes are popular too. If you want something bigger, a cucumber is an obvious choice.

An aubergine is an interesting one, very smooth and a good stretch. I have a friend who swears by corn, on the cob.

The shape of some drinks bottles makes them popular too:

But they’re obviously much wider than most vegetables, and you have to be careful of sharp edges. Only for the experienced.

None of these are really suitable for your butt though. I know people carve carrots into butt plugs but they are likely to snap off. If you do that with a condom over it it’s a much safer bet.

That’s ambitious:

For the most daring you can of course JUST pick some cock shaped items, then pick the cutest check out clerk of your choice, and watch them put them through, starting to wonder what you’re going to use them for.

Add a bottle of lube and they’ll be left with no doubt… I dare you.

If you try any of the above, then do send in pictures of what you buy (no, not in you, just your purchases would be cute). And tell us how you get on!

I’m sure we’ll get some tips in the notes from other vegetable lovers.