Tag : kinks

I just read your Club Edge post, and I love that idea. I am a lesbian, but I get off to the thought of men getting off to me or forcing them to have sex with me — not in like a weird rape-y way but in a kind of coercion kind of scenario like I could cum if I had sex with a guy or in a situation like this where they had to touch me for me to get something. I know I’m not bi because I’ve never been attracted to a guy, but the idea of this is still so hot to me

Thank you! 

If you’re wondering what she’s talking about you won’t find it on Tumblr (sad face) but on my new stream of kinky captions at:

edgingspace.bdsmlr.com

They’re starting to get on top of some of the major bugs and it’s turning into something quite interesting – go check it out!

As for your thoughts, anon, I love it. I love your freedom to fantasise about anything that turns you on and not worry about it being some kind of contradiction to your default sexuality. This is EXACTLY the joy of fantasies, anything goes and I think if we let ourselves fantasise outside the box a bit more it can’t do any harm to us appreciating and respecting others perspectives and kinks either.

As an aside to everyone, I LOVE hearing fantasies like these. If you have a scenario, especially if you can find an image that somehow embodies it, message me here or on bdsmlr and I’ll see what I can do to bring it to life.

James

Letter from a Bimbo to an Empowered Woman

warmdenial:

I know you feel superior to me. You think you’re better because you have degrees, or your parents are proud of your job title, or you can think through a situation from every angle and come up with a nuanced, insightful take on it. And people will hear your insights and nod and wonder at how smart you are, and tell you that you’ve really made them think and they appreciate you for it.

And then, when you’re alone, your brain doesn’t shut off. It keeps picking things apart, considering different inputs and stimuli, parsing various factors. It files away the hard-won affirmations and validations of your intelligence. And then it keeps running. Maybe it won’t shut up. Maybe it’s torture. Maybe you have to think about a lot of maybes.

You really think you’re smarter than me?

The human brain is just a desire engine. It wants endorphins. It wants dopamine. We’re social creatures, so validation from other people is a major source of powerful emotional reward. Our brains work the same, even if you think yours has everything figured out and mine is to be pitied. We want the same thing. You try to get it by jumping through intellectual hoops. You try to think your way into happiness. Your attempts sometimes work, and sometimes don’t. They’re hard-won and capricious. Your rewards are elusive and require ever-increasing feats of mental gymnastics.

I found a more efficient way.

My days are relaxing. I appreciate beauty, the same way you might when you read complicated poetry. But I don’t have to do it under any pretense, or hide anything about what I really want to be doing. I delight in the gifts my existence gives me, press on the reward centers in my brain and get the benefits instantly and reliably.

I’ve looked at all the ways I could live, seen your folly, lived it even. This one maximizes my pleasure and minimizes my stress. It’s like doing drugs every day, but so much better because it’s healthy – it feeds my body and strength, so I can be around for longer to get the absolute most out of life. And to give the most back.

Bimbofication: the easiest and most effective hack for the most complex reward system there is – the human brain.

I know you think an Alpha/bimbo arrangement is unfair, and I admit that sometimes I agree. All Alphas get in return is our obedience and to abuse, use, and exploit every inch of our bodies – which is exactly what I want anyway, so I get just as much out of it as he does. (Is it what you want too? You can be honest with me. Did a little part of you weep when your wimp ex barely grazed your throat with his hands and then backed off, too scared to give it to you rough?) They deserve all the support we can give them in exchange for mercifully caring for us and relieving us of the suffering that comes with choice. It’s such a blessing that they love using us, and we love to be used.

I chose my life. Did you choose yours? Or did you accept the first reward system that was handed to you, without considering whether it was the best one? Are you brave enough to consider that there might be something more powerful out there?

Dare I say… are you smart enough to try stupid?

Well isn’t that an interesting take on things. Bimbofication is a one of the roads that exploring denial does take some down. Certainly one of the benefits of edging is how it helps turn your brain off, gets your mind and emotions out of their constant overdrive and just lets you ‘be’ for a while.

By definition edging and denial are a smart woman’s kink. It involves a deliberate choice to take the harder path, the self control to put off instant pleasure for a longer, deeper form of reward.

And so that’s why I think some of you might find this so intriguing. Such a beautifully crafted letter, written to you, from someone who perhaps once was you.

Perhaps you realise you might need this in a deeper way than just a break from it now and then, perhaps there’s some ideas in this letter that’ll inspire you.

If so, there’s plenty of blogs on Tumblr to start to explore, more rabbit holes for you to tumble down – you can’t go far wrong starting with @neuralnetsandprettypatterns and @yournaturalstate for some hypno inspired bimbofication.

Just, be careful what you wish for…

James

Can you please tag posts with familial aspects in them (incest or simulated incest)? A lot of people have trauma about stuff like that, myself included.

Thanks for this. I’m not sure which post you’re referring to, the only one I can think of was the girl referred to therapy by her parents? I didn’t consider that incestuous. 

I wouldn’t post incest content to the blog (now someone’s going to prove me wrong and find some ‘step sister’ caption from years ago…).

I’m happy to try and add a tag like ‘family’ to anything I do like that though, sure, but it’ll be few and far between if I ever post them. Not really my thing.

I know it’s a source of trauma for some. and I can only express how sad and angry that makes me. However sadness and anger don’t achieve much, so let me put some advice out there from my experience helping kinky friends move on from trauma like this. You’ve probably heard this, at least the first bit, but if a single person hasn’t, it’s worth sharing.

(Oh and if anyone reading this is into incest fantasies, there’s some advice for you further down.)

Advice to survivors

My best advice is to remember not to label yourself a victim, but a survivor. You were not broken, just damaged – but we are not made of glass, we are flesh and blood and we heal, physically and emotionally. It will get better. 

The single most powerful thing you can do to bring that about, is talk to someone about what happened to you. If you have kept this to yourself it’s like a bomb inside you that can explode at the slightest trigger. Talking, as hard as that is, let’s the pressure out and helps you get a new perspective, one looking forward and not back.

Pick who you talk to wisely, some people can’t handle it. Some therapists can’t handle it (don’t get me started on that one). And if you don’t have anyone obvious to talk to, google ‘abuse survivor helpline’ and contact them. There are amazing people there who will BELIEVE WHAT YOU SAY. We both know how important that is. Most of them even have webchat now which is even easier for some to start a conversation over I’d imagine.

If you have more questions you want to ask on this, let me encourage you to send asks to my new @englishgentlemandom primary blog, as it’s something of a buzzkill to mix advice about abuse with the rest of the content on this one.

www.gentlemandom.com

http://www.gentlemandom.com/ask

Also some helpline pointers (just from a quick google, I’m sure there will be some good suggestions in the notes).

UK – Survivors Trust – http://thesurvivorstrust.org/national-helplines/
USA – RAINN https://www.rainn.org/

I’ve found this forum very helpful in the past too: http://www.pandys.org/

If you get off to incest porn and fantasies, this is for you

While we’re talking about the topic of incest fantasies though, let’s talk to those who do get off on them, because this isn’t discussed much. For some of you, you have serious guilt about this. I want you to know, it’s a common fantasy. You are not weird or disgusting because you get off on it. 

The things that happen to us as we are developing sexually go on to shape how we think and what turns us on. Given that we grow up with family around us that’s often a seed that can be planted as we discover our sexuality, and it turns into a full blown kink. The availability of porn to reinforce any kink just makes it all the more potent.

Frankly, I imagine that if I’d grown up with a super hot older sister (I didn’t, I’m the eldest of two boys) then I’d have probably been tempted to jerk off thinking about her. And then with the proliferation of incest porn out there that could easily turn into an obsession.

My point is, it’s common, it’s not something to be wracked with guilt over.

However, incest is not cool. I think it’s a really unhealthy kink to be into. It’s socially unacceptable for obvious genetic reasons, and if you’re obsessed with it it’s going to fuck up your future sex life. No loving partner wants their other half to be imagining it’s their parent or sibling in bed with them. It’s not a good thing.

For those who fall into the category of having been abused, but also finding yourself aroused by incest fantasies and porn, you need to hear this even more. This is common. It is not something to be ashamed about. 

It’s also common to be aroused by thinking about being abused again. From my limited experience you’re a minority, but a big minority!. Lots do this, but it’s seen as such a taboo that you feel no one will be able to understand. 

It’s because of what happened to you, it’s part of the damage. Stop blaming yourself and feeling awful that you do it. (The pandys.org site linked to above is one of the few places I’ve found that discusses this openly – it’s a restricted site though, please don’t go there if you just want to rubberneck).

What was done to you completely messed up your emotions, fantasies and sexual response. It is part of the repercussions of the trauma you suffered. It’s not your fault. So stop feeling guilty and decide to do something about it, because you absolutely can.

So for everyone who is aroused by incest fantasies, whether you feel guilty or not, whether it’s come from abuse, or just growing up, or simply all the porn there is of it. Here’s what I suggest.

Cut that shit out. Really. Make a decision to not click the links or search the tags that bring it up. Unfollow the tumblrs that fill your dashboard with it. Get off on something else instead. Maybe even take a break from porn. Because usually that’s all it takes to fix it. We are not animals; as humans we have a choice between stimulus and response. So decide to find something else that excites you instead. There’s so much wonderful stuff out there to discover. 

And look, you’ll mess up sometimes. Don’t worry about it. You’re weaning yourself off these negative kinks. Like anything it takes time and it gets easier as you do more of it. When you trip over, shrug it off, decide again you don’t want it and just get on with it. Even if you never totally dump a kink, if you can move it from an unhealthy obsession to something you very occasionally dip into, that’s a massive improvement.

And while I’m at it, I’ll throw in the other kinks I think are unhealthy too. Bestiality, snuff, scat, dolcett, autoerotic asphyxiation, and really any extreme desire to be hurt/maimed or to hurt others.

Actually, if anything is a ‘fetish’ rather than a kink (a kink is something that turns you on, a fetish is something you can’t get turned on without) then I’d say it’s unhealthy and you should apply the advice above. At the very least, find a balance.

I hope if you’re reading this and this is you, you’re not feeling condemned. That’s not my intention. I want to reassure you that being into kinks like this is pretty common, and it’s not worth wasting time feeling guilty about it. 

If you think this is ‘kink shaming’ well I really don’t care. It’s important to clearly state I think some kinks are unhealthy. My blog, my opinion. It’s said with love.

So in my opinion it IS worth deciding to distance yourself from them and focus on much more fun, positive kinks. Hey, like orgasm denial! See what I did there?

So wow, that was something of a departure from the original ask, but I hope it’s helpful to some of you. 

As I’ve said above, this is the kind of thing I’m happy to discuss on the new gentlemandom.com blog I’m still developing, so hit me up there for more discussion.

Love you all,

James

Can you have something be a kink but not a turn on? Some things, particularly the posts on a lot of pain, aren’t as interesting to me as others. I consented to letting my partner try some of these things on me though and it turned out I was really into it! But I still don’t enjoy the posts on it. Is that normal? Love, Collared Cat

Hello Cat,

Some people aren’t turned on by something they see in porn or reading about at all, but when the magic ingredient of someone we love brings them into our lives it totally transforms it. So yes, very normal, nothing to worry about! Good question though!

I just encourage anyone to subscribe to the ‘try anything twice’ rule (once isn’t enough in some cases, worth giving things an extra go). As long as it’s with someone you care about, and is safe, sane and consensual then give it a go, see if you enjoy it, be honest if you don’t, and just have a laugh. 

That’s what you never see in most porn or blogs, how much fun all this shit should be. If you’re not laughing sometimes when trying new kinks, you’re probably doing it wrong.

Love,
James

I think I like reading about denial more than actually being denied. I’ve tried denial with a partner, and it was really hot, and now alone, and that is hot too, but maybe… not hot enough to keep it up? I feel really bad about because I do like being denied short term, and having my pussy punished hard, but maybe I’m not a real denial slut. Quite a sad realisation: I actually prefer cumming. I feel like a disappointment.

Dear Anon,

Life is too short to feel disappointed about what you like and don’t like. 

Denial is fantastic, but cumming is incredible too. It’s like you’re getting disappointed by having TWO cakes to enjoy when you fancy it instead of one.

If you fancy a little challenge try denial for a bit, but don’t feel bad about just enjoying reading about it either. Frankly it can make your orgasms even hotter as you imagine all those being denied and you get to cum. I love that too.

It’s totally okay to enjoy denial, but not be a denial slut. So stop worrying about it and just enjoy whatever works for you!

I’m assuming orgasm denial is your number one kink, but what’s #2-#4?

What an interesting question! (I like interesting questions).

So orgasm denial is definitely one of my favourites, but, despite me writing this blog all about it, that’s only really happened because there are lots about general dominance and submission and I felt like there was a gap in what was available for this fabulous kink.

Turns out I was right…

My greatest kink though, is taking the role of dom and teacher with someone, and watching them open up and discover their own sexuality and explore their own fantasies and become more confident and excited about it. It’s always a new experience, everyone is unique, and it’s so incredibly rewarding. 

Of course denial works brilliantly as part of that as I see it as the ‘gateway kink’ that gets someone relaxed and aware of their own sexuality and without doubt makes them more open to talk and explore their deeper fantasies.

So as part of that, I’m a bit of a chameleon really, because I get involved and excited about what turns my sub on, and it’s very much a shared journey of exploration and kinkyfuckery.

Beyond that, I’m a sadist. A nice, gentlemanly sadist but a sadist nonetheless. I get aroused by causing a maoschist pain – yes they have to want it. But I love the creativity of different mindfucks and physical experiences that sadism can encompass. Tears make the best lube.

And then fourth, I’m a sapiosexual, that means I’ve got a thing for smart people – specifically smart subs, and combined with that, it’s incredibly hot to reduce a sophisticated, smart woman into a horny, dripping mess who can’t even think straight. Going even further, bimbofication is super hot in those situations too. Again, orgasm denial, edging and hypnosis working to transform someone into the kind of sexual object she was always secretly fascinated by, but watching herself become that, in secret. So great.

I’ve come to realize that I’m really turned on by the idea of being denied, but I have never had and don’t currently have a partner to try this with. I have several other kinks but I’ve never really engaged in any of them because I’m afraid that actively being into weird stuff will make me feel weird and insecure around people. I almost want to say it’s pointless to deny myself if nobody else is involved, but should I try doing this to myself?

Okay, let’s address your worry about ‘weird stuff making you feel weird and insecure around people’ first, because my experience tells me you’ll discover the complete opposite. When you begin to explore your unique kinks and more importantly, discover how amazing your body and mind can be, I find it gives you more confidence in yourself and around other people. Not that it’s something public, no in fact it’s enjoying the secret, sexy, fun side of you which they don’t know about that makes that difference.

In fact often with women who ask me to deny them, they’ll relate experiences after a few weeks where friends ask them ‘what’s changed about you’. A tricky one to answer as, ‘this guy is making me edge all day and the fucker won’t let me cum’ isn’t an entirely socially acceptable answer.

So in my experience you ‘knowing yourself’ better will actually make you more confident around others. So get engaging with your kinks, get advice from those who have more experience (which you’re doing), and stop wondering and start finding out for yourself!

So then, to denying yourself. What have you go to lose? You’re over thinking this. Just try it. Try having one masturbation session where you simply don’t cum. Like that? Good, try two. Then try staying longer on the edge. Can’t take any more? Fine, have an orgasm and start again. Then do a whole day, edging at least four times, without cumming, and enjoy a crazy horny night where you discover you’ve fallen in love with it, and then decide not to cum the next day either… and then, welcome to being a denial slut.

Finally, if you want some support and to feel you’re doing it for someone else, message me! I’m a busy guy but I’ll do my best to respond and help. (And if you want to do it anonymously set up a secondary blog and message from that, but either way I will treat anything you say in the strictest confidence).

tl:dr: Just try it already!

Source: http://lauraillustrates.tumblr.com/ (cute although I have no idea why it’s a bee…)

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