Tag : hymen

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Do you have any dildo recommendations for someone who’s never really got past one, sometimes two fingers? I want to get one but I don’t want you end up with something too big to use comfortably. Thanks!

I do indeed, it’s Lovehoney’s 7″ suction cup silicone dildo

It’s like Mary Poppins, practically perfect in every way, (EXCEPT WHY IS THE COCK HEAD BACKWARDS? It doesn’t really annoy me every time I see it, I promise.)

Anyway, it’s gorgeously smooth, perfectly bendable, and purple, I mean what more can you want…

Oh yes, the suction cup, which means you can even stick it to things to fuck, which is great exercise and a very different experience once you get used to using it with your hand.

It’s a great width for slowly opening you up, and the curve means it hits your g-spot pretty much perfect if you use it that way around.

I know 7″ seems long but it’s the length of most vaginas actually, but more importantly if you do find you love sticking it to things (you will) then it gives you that bit extra length so you can still enjoy it even if you can’t get all the way to the base.

Lovehoney Europe actually have a 20% off everything sale from tomorrow over the weekend so it might be a good time to buy it.

Save 20% at Lovehoney EU (starts Friday)

Lovehoney UK and EU also have a whole set of toys reduced to £20 of 


 off so if those two deals combine you’re onto a winner!

Lovehoney UK £20 deals

Lovehoney EU 

€25 deals

The one I recommend above is that price anyway. So try it out and remember they have a really good returns policy and process so if it isn’t the right one for you, they’ll refund or swap it out more than happily (seriously, they’re such lovely women on the returns line, although you can just do it by chat).

The other key is of course using lube. As you stretch and get used to taking more than a finger in you lube is going to make a HUGE difference. It’ll make it feel better, much more comfy and more fun.

The final point though, is do this when you’re edging. Don’t just go in cold, be really horny and warmed up and it’ll be all the better. Vagina’s are amazing, they can stretch, a lot. Educate yourself on the hymen too (lots in previous posts on this blog) as that may need stretching too, but mostly the difficultly getting penetration is a combination of you tightening up because of being nervous and simply the very stretchy material of your vagina not being used to it. It’s like unfurling tightly wrapped material, it kind of sticks to itself a bit as you first open it up, but once you’re relaxed and get past that discomfort for most it’s an incredible feeling, especially when you can reach your g-spot, which you normally can’t with just your own fingers (what I call God’s little tease).

I hope that helps, let us know how you get on.

ok so i’m terrified of trying penetration. i’m sure i’ll like it when i do try, but i’m scared it will hurt. i’m also too scared to use tampons for the same reason. any tips ????

Get informed, get horny, get relaxed, give it a go.

Get informed by making sure you understand how your body works, reading up on your hymen on here and elsewhere for example  http://edging.space/tagged/hymen.

Then get yourself really horny by edging a lot, thinking about fucking watching porn of it, aching to have something inside you.

Then get really comfortable, a warm bath or cosy in bed. Somewhere you have privacy and time to do this.

And then begin to explore, just with fingers first, nails cut so they don’t scratch. Spread your legs wide, edge at the same time, so rub your clit with one hand and finger yourself with the other. Just get curious, and feel sexy as you do it. It’s your body, get to know it.

Slip a finger in, keep edging hard and while fingering might hurt a little, that will be negated by the pleasure so it’s a great combination.

If you can get any a bit of lube, or KY jelly or even unperfumed lotion on your fingers will again make it feel even better.

Once you can comfortably fuck with one finger work up to a couple of them.

Fingering like this rarely feels THAT good because for most women the real pleasure point inside you is your g-spot and that’s a bit too deep in to reach by yourself with your own fingers. Which is why you want to work up to using a slim dildo or a DIY equivalent http://edging.space/tagged/diy-sex-toys

You’ll know you’ve got to your g-spot because it’ll feel odd at first, and you might feel a little urge to pee but do NOT back off, keep at that and soon it will start to feel amazing, it’s kinda like your clit but inside and can be treated more roughly (it’s designed for a cock to be pounded back and forth over it…).

But that’s for later, for now, take it slowly, have fun, get really horny before you do anything, don’t worry about it hurting too much, when you’re on the edge, it all feels good.

Let us know how you get on!


I’m having sex for the first time new week because I’m ready emotionally and physically but want some advice on how I should go about trying to fit my boyfriend’s díck in my pussy when I can’t even get 2 fingers in their myself even after trying for so many years. HOW DO I GO ABOUT THIS?

Okay, I’m very glad you asked about this!

So look, not to get too personal but a lot depends on how big his cock is. The average cock size is about 6 inches. And if he’s around average size then as long as you take things slowly, get really excited first, and USE LUBE it’s going to be fine.

Lube makes your cherry pop so much sweeter

No really, just your wetness, or god forbid, spit, is NOT ENOUGH. Especially when you’re doing it for the first few times but honestly, lube always makes sex better (and is always essential for anal sex, ALWAYS).

Your pussy is designed for cock, if you’re relaxed, lubed and horny it’s going to be good. 

But let’s step away from the denial blog here, and get reading my tips on how to make the first time AWESOME

Follow those tips, and you can’t go far wrong. If your hymen is still intact there might be a little sharp moment of pain where that’s streched more, and even a little blood, from both that and just your vagina isn’t used to being fucked, yet… but that’s completely normal and your pussy, like your mouth, heals super fast and is literally designed for this, so go slow, have fun, and you’ll do great.

Unless, he has a monster cock. If he’s really well endowed then we just need to add a bit more to think about. Basically, it’s going to hurt. Hopefully not a lot, and hopefully, if you’ve done all the above, in that ‘good kinda hurt’ way. Some women actually totally love that feeling of being stretched, but you’re new to it so the big thing is to use EXTRA lube and go EXTRA slow. I mean, crazy good self control by him needed here not to just wham it in, In fact the best tip is just as I’d suggest with anal for anyone, you go on top for that first time. Lower yourself onto him as slowly as you want, and take it little by little, stretching and edging yourself as you go. If it hurts too much then just go for getting the head in and then give him a blow job for being so patient and try again another day.

If he is big btw, make sure to read my guide on blow jobs for big cocks

Two notes, if it continues to hurt, go see a doctor! It shouldn’t and doctors literally train to help you with this stuff. So be brave and don’t suffer, get it sorted.

Secondly, all this assumes you’re both being smart with both birth control (don’t be in this situation, ever) and safe sex. If you’re not, then you might be emotionally ready but you ain’t physically ready, so get it sorted first and make sure it’s a hot, fun and sexy first time.

Oh and tell us all about how it goes cos’ we’re all pervs here and we love hearing about it.

Oh and I’d be remiss if I didn’t add edging into the mix. Edging for a few days up to it would never be a bad thing, it’ll help you be at peak arousal when it’s all happening, which you’ll both enjoy.


I’m embarrassed to say but I haven’t ever got past the hymen. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong. I try pushing past it and no matter how hard i push nothing happens and I just hurt. So i’ve resorted to doing all sexual stuff not involving my vagina. But i just want to finally penetrate but it isnt working and im frustrated

So this probably isn’t what you want to hear but, you should see a doctor about this. 

Rarely a hymen can be ‘septate’ which means instead of it just being a fringe around the inside of your vagina it actually blocks it a bit, or it can even be completely blocking it (imperforate). Or some mix in between:


It’s a really easy fix but needs to be done by a doctor, so I know it can be embarrassing but you’ve been brave enough to write to me, so I really encourage you to just talk to them about it, and get this sorted.

Even if it isn’t that, it’s some kind of issue that it’s worth getting medical advice on. I know even in western countries it’s hard and in other cultures even more difficult but you are more than your culture and you need to be confident taking responsibility for your sexual health, rather than just being scared to talk about it and so suffering silently, don’t do that!

And of course you don’t need to say ‘I keep trying to fuck myself and it won’t happen’ – your best bet is using tampons as the excuse ‘They just won’t go in and it hurts’. And ask for a female doctor, most places will respect that.

I hope that helps! Get it sorted and start to enjoy penetration, it’s literally what your pussy is for!


Dear Sir I was wondering if you know of the best way to take your own virginity. I read about hairbrushes and wanted to try to do it but I’m nervous. Do you know of any way to minimize the pain other than tons of lube? Thank you

Well, technically you can’t take your own virginity. Virginity isn’t a medical definition, it’s a concept. For most it means, have you had sex with someone else, simple as that.

So, you could literally sit on a flagpole, break your hymen and orgasm. But you’d still be a virgin.

Now what you may mean is what’s the best way to deal with your hymen, which is the very thin membrane most women have at the entrance of their vagina as they grow up. The hymen doesn’t break, it stretches and kind of gets worn away over time.


Also you may just be curious to explore how it feels to have things in your pussy.

In which case the simple answer is to start with your fingers. Get aroused playing with your clit, and play with one finger in your pussy then see if you can manage two. If you learn that feels nice then yes, a clean hairbrush handle is a good thing to try next. There’s nothing to be nervous about, just go slowly, enjoy rubbing your clit and let your fingers or the brush penetrate you slowly.

You might get a little bit of blood at first because your hymen is being stretched a little, but that should barely hurt and it’ll only be a few drops at most.

So try it out, going slow and being aroused is much more important than lube. 


I know this is likely not the way you meant it, but your definition of no longer being a virgin only once you have a penis in your vagina doesn’t really allow for the loss of virginity in same sex couples. I personally think you’re no longer a virgin once you’ve had a mutually consensual and satisfying sexual experience with someone else. But I think that virginity is something that you have to define for yourself since there’s so much debate about what does or doesn’t qualify as losing it

Did… did you actually read the rest of the post before you sent me this? The bit where I explicitly stated I wasn’t sure what counted for lesbian couples? And then where I posted to other resources that define it pretty much exactly as you did, ‘whatever you decide it means for you’? I like your definition though.

But you’re right, I should have included ‘in your ass’ for gay guys, as that definitely counts. 

The whole debate about ‘does anal lose your virginity’ for hetro couples though is a totally fascinating debate. I start to think about it then get too amused at the thought of good girls taking it in the ass to preserve their ‘chastity’ to be able to come to a conclusion. (If this is you, please, write and tell me about it).

I do love feedback but at least read the rest of the post before you send me stuff… The question was specifically about penetration, and the worry that virginity could be lost by fingering or using toys. The point was, it can’t, it’s conceptual, not physical, and has to be a sexual act with someone else.

So just to be clear, there is nothing you can do to yourself when masturbating that would cause you to lose your virginity. So edge away my little virgin denial sluts, your innocence is safe with me…

When I finger myself im gonna be unvirgin or?

No, virginity isn’t a physical thing, it’s a concept – you technically only lose it when a penis enters your vagina. Nothing else does it, Not a finger, not a hairbrush handle, not a tampon, not panties, not a dildo, not even if you stuck a hand in there (although what’s lesbian etiquette, does a strap on count, someone tell me).

The physical part of virginity is related to the hymen, a thin membrane that most but not all women have a little way into their vagina, but this is more of a frill than a covering, a common misconception. If you don’t know about the hymen you NEED TO WATCH THIS VIDEO. 

Read this too and feel free to come back with any more questions – I love sex ed!


Send me your sex-ed queries, no such thing as a stupid question.


Hey, I was wondering whether pantie stuffing is safe for virgins?

Safe, yes, but if you’re precious about your hymen then you may want to be careful with it it as I would think it’s possible it would tear it a little. So use a small pair and just go slowly. If you’re using tampons though, it’s not much different from inserting them, just a bit rougher.

There are so many myths about the hymen though. Please make sure you educate yourself about it. 

If you’re not absolutely sure about how it works, or even if you are, watch this YouTube video. She’s absolutely brilliant.

Let me also encourage everyone to get on friendly terms with their genitals. It’s all part of you, an absolutely amazing, beautiful, sexy part. So get yourself in front of a mirror and check it out! This is a nice guide to all the different bits that talks you through exploring yourself.


I’m kind of nervous asking this…. But I’ve been playing with myself and I’m not sure why but I used a makeup brush to put inside me and I didn’t really feel anything. But I bleed a little after. So… I guess my question(s) is, does this mean I am no longer a Virgin? And if I’m actually in the process of doing it will the guy be able to tell?

Hi Anon,

You are absolutely still a virgin, so no need to worry about that. It’s possible you just tore your hymen a little bit as it’s a very delicate bit of skin, but that’s nothing to worry about, fingers, tampons, toys, will all do the same. None of that means you’ve lost your virginity. The guy definitely won’t be able to tell, and honestly it sounds like it’s a good thing you’re thinking about this and exploring and understanding your body better before you take that step with him.

I encourage you to read this helpful little article:


I love the way she describes virginity, which is, “I believe that virginity is what the individual thinks it is” – i.e. it’s much more than a little bit of membrane in your vagina, it’s about you and your emotional connection with your sexuality, and what you decide to give to this lucky guy you’re with. My own straightforward definition would be that you do not lose your virginity until you’ve had a penis, inside your vagina. Nothing else affects it.

Can I also say that you make sure you are being safe, using protection from both sexually transmitted disease and pregnancy as you take this amazing step. Finally make sure you are absolutely certain it’s something you want to do and not feel pressurised into doing this before you want to. If the guy is the right guy to do this with, he will completely respect your timing.

I hope that helps.