hi james. i had been denying myself since dec 26th with the intention of going for a few weeks. last night, i was edging to porn and ended up finding a vid that aroused me too much that i lost control and ended up cumming. since then, i’ve felt pretty depressed and disappointed with myself. 😔 do you have any tips for overcoming this feeling? thanks. -lucy

Feeling like this is natural when we fail at anything. and with the heightened emotions that come with edging and arousal, it gives you even more of a drop.

But it really doesn’t matter, and this is why the mantra I use is really important.

Cumming is good, not cumming is better

We love orgasms here, they are great, they make you feel wonderful, the average person needs more of them. But you, my lovely followers, are not just the average person. Seriously. 

You, or your primal brain has figured out a higher way, which is that as nice as orgasms are, there’s even more pleasure to be found in delayed gratification, in edging, teasing, mindfucks, submission, being horny and wet. That is even hotter and more exciting than the simple orgasm.

Clever you.

But that doesn’t mean orgasms are bad. They just aren’t the best. But that’s okay! The amazing thing about this, is give it a day and a few edges and you’re back to feeling that denial high and enjoying all denial has for you again. Nothing’s broken, nothing’s lost. You had an orgasm, and they are good. Now, try not having them for even longer, because it’s even better.

Having said that, you can build in hot ways to deal with failure that can help. They just give you ways to deal with the frustration and help you move on. Those can include forcing yourself to have a few ruined orgasms, or a punishment such as pussy smacks or rubbing menthol into yourself. Those aren’t thing we do because we self-hate, but because it helps us move on, and punishments are fucking hot for kinky little bitches like you.

If you need ideas there’s the Wheel of Punishment you can use for inspiration:

Wheel of Denial – Punishment version

Have fun, that’s what it’s all about.

James