Tag : edging-tips

I always find it so hard to masturbate. I can use a vibrator for up to two hours before I even get near the edge. Is there something wrong with me? Or am I just not doing it properly? – Roxy

That is unusual. It doesn’t mean there’s ‘something wrong with you’ though, people’s sexual response is really variable. But for most, with a good vibe, it’ll take five to ten minutes to get to the edge, for some much quicker, and for a good number of people considerably longer. But that’s about average.

Some Arousal Basics

A few basics to consider – getting stimulated is as much about the mind as the body, so get yourself somewhere you feel comfortable and relaxed. Use some porn or erotica or even better your imagination to make you feel sexy and aroused. 

Build up to clitoral stimulation – warm yourself up by playing with your nipples and breasts, teasing yourself, and even dressing up or down in a way that turns you on. For extended ideas on build up have a look at my Guided Masturbation task

Start to build tension with your breathing. Explore how you get closer faster by adding tension to your body, taking a big breath and holding it for a bit, tensing your back or thigh muscles, contracting your pelvic floor – kegels as they are known (the muscle you tense to stop peeing). Some or all of these can REALLY enhance how fast you get aroused.

The Dichotomy of Edging

But as you tense your body, you have to similarly relax your mind. Stop thinking so much, get caught up in fantasies, if some ‘To do’ list keeps getting in your head, stop, write it down, and leave it on the paper so you can get back to emptying your mind a bit. Focus on the physical, the pleasure,and allow those fantasies and your awareness of how good it feels to be all that fills your mind.

That dichotomy, of building tension in your body, while you relax your mind, is the essence of how to quickly become aroused. 

Try it, let me know how you get on. And see what other tips followers put in the notes too.

Hey James, I’m a little late coming into JuNO. School is being stressful and well… I kinda just forgot. But I was wondering if you could give me some advice? I usually stay in a friend’s dorm every weekend because free AC (Tokyo is at a high of 91F and I’m suffering) and I need to play catch up with the edges I missed (10 left… progress was made…) the first few days so… got any ideas on how to do the daily 3 edges (min.) while staying with someone else? Thanks xx~ Elly

Nice and practical, I like it Elly!

Okay, so firstly, only do a catch up if it’s fun. If it just becomes a burden that you can’t overcome then it’s totally okay to start your edging any time through JuNO. The joy this month is knowing you’re doing it with many other women from all over the world and can read the amazing journals others are writing to compare experiences


In terms of edging while staying with someone else, our first consideration needs to be the other person. With any kink the idea of being caught is often a turn on but the reality is they haven’t given their consent to be involved so we need to be very thoughtful about it.

But your first option is places where you naturally have privacy. Edging in the shower, using the bathroom, all great. But also, if you feel comfortable, you can do it safely, but secretly, even when they are around. As long as you can keep quiet, doing it silently in bed or on the sofa is okay in my opinion. Hundreds of millions of people masturbate in a shared room or bed each day, trust me on that. It can even be really exciting, having to be silent, only able to just subtly move a finger – often that alone will mean you CAN’T cum, even if you wanted to, which is awesome.

So, be considerate, but also, be brave, it can be a lot of fun. And let us know how you get on!


Hey James, I’m really interested in the whole edging and denial thing. Just browsing your blog will get me really aroused. But I need some advice… I get off on the instructions part, but I feel like being denied doesn’t properly work on me. I’ll deny myself, but then I go on with my day and kind of forget about it. Do you have any suggestions on how to improve this?

It’s often a slow build up, so give it time, but also, it’s about frequency. Try squeezing in four edges in a day. One in bed or in the shower, another as a quickie at work perhaps, a third when you get home and a final longer one in bed.

It isn’t that you necessarily need to keep up that many, but it might be you need that intensity to kick it all off and get your body used to it and enjoying it. 

I was chatting with someone who messaged me this week and described it effectively as we’re putting you ‘in heat’, switching your body into how some women feel at oestrus (when you’re ovulating) when science shows behavioural changes in women, and the men around them, at that time.


A study of lap dancers provided the strongest evidence yet for the controversial idea that men can pick up when women are fertile and most likely to become pregnant. When naturally cycling lap dancers entered their fertile period they earned significantly more in tips…  

Holy shit I love research like that!

But beyond frequency, try some things that you know turn you on, or explore new things. My absolute favourite is you wearing underwear that makes you feel sexy, under your normal clothes. If you don’t have any, buy some, you will be amazed at the impact it has. This isn’t for anyone else, this is for YOU. So take some time out, go to some stores,and try on the stuff you’d never imagine buying before, and see what you like yourself in! And if you’ve never tried stockings and suspender belt (garter belt) then OMG do that now.

They are not only sexy as fuck, but kinky too. Kinky because they are so unnecessarily complicated. Just like that post from Stoya I put up, it’s about not just eating toasted cheese, but seeing if you enjoy pea mousse. Not because you need it, but because you can.

But the other surprise about stockings, is how practical they are! When I got my wife wearing them she was so annoyed at herself for not trying them before, because compared to tights (pantyhose) they are bliss to wear. And just FYI, when wearing for practical purposes, your knickers (if you’re wearing any) go on the OUTSIDE of the straps, so you can just go to the loo, pull them down, and pull them back up again without having to body-wrestle your way back into your pantyhose.

But beyond stockings, even a matching bra and knickers set really makes a difference to how you feel. Lots of followers of this blog are secretly kinky. No one knows just what a little sex monkey you are, or at least very few. And so secretly wearing sexy underwear under your every day clothes is the PERFECT way to enjoy that.

So buy some good lingerie and see how that improves it all, I bet you’ll be amazed. And yes, it’s an investment, so don’t go crazy, try it first and see how it makes you feel. And make sure it fits properly. If you haven’t had a proper bra fitting you’re 90% likely to be wearing completely the wrong fit. So do that, but then once you know you can order online at somewhere cheap like lingeriemart.com but really, you’re best off trying something on and seeing how it fits for you.

Also, be aware it might not be classic sexy lingerie that does it for you. If you’re into the ddlg side of things it might be, say, a cute little crop top and panties with unicorns does it for you, and that’s awesome too. Similarly, and EVERYONE should try this, it could be that going commando is what gets you feeling it. All good denial sluts should be going commando at least once a week when they can, that’s my opinion 😛

Okay, so lots of ideas there, if anyone tries it, let us know how you get on!

Hello Sir.

I came across your blog a week ago and haven’t been able to stop reading (or touching myself) since. I’ve dabbled with edging and denial before but never seriously and now it’s all I can think about so thanks (I think) for that. I’ve edged three times today – the first time was in the shower, using the shower head (working at home is the BEST). It’s perfect because I can hold myself on the edge for as long as the hot water holds out usually and I get out of the shower dripping in more ways than one… Then I moved to the bed, and used a dildo for edge number two. I can’t come just from vaginal stimulation but I can get infuriatingly close so again, it’s perfect. Number three was using a bullet vibe and the dildo – this one’s much harder for me as I go over easily with clitoral stimulation and I was pretty damn sensitive by that point. I’m working on number four as I write this, just using my fingers and using all the juices leaking from my desperate cunt to tease my poor, swollen clit. 

I’m hoping that you’ll read this soon because I’m going out tonight and I badly need to come but I can’t without permission. The thought of being stuck in a crowded bar with my mostly male friends while I’m wet and desperate and horny isn’t so appealing. So here it is: please may I come, Sir? 


My goodness Cath, talk about hitting the ground running! Very impressive, although unlucky for you I’m only just checking my messages from today and yesterday. How awful, was the bar as wet and drippy an experience you feared?

I hope so.

You really have set the example for how do vary your edges during the day, you’re just doing so well and being such an inspiration… I’m tempted to let you cum but I think it would send a bad signal to all the other aspiring denial sluts.

I know you can go longer, show me, show us you can. Keep going, make it worse, and ask again soon.

Good girl