Tag : edging-advice

Do you think that after 4 months it’s ok to finally cum? Asking for a friend… 👀

Tell your friend to get right to the edge, as hard as she can go and to take her hands away, and count to ten. Tell her to imagine someone whispering in her ear, ‘So, do you want to cum, or be denied?’

The answer on her lips is what she needs, and what she gets.

How do I know the difference between a ruined orgasm and a hard edge? I always seem to throb a few times after pulling my fingers (or toy) away but it’s very light. I think its and edge and not a ruin but I just don’t know.

Good question. A ruin IS an orgasm. Just often without the pleasure associated with it because you stop all stimulation as soon as you go over the ‘point of no return’. Remember, ruined orgasms are very intense, but also variable. They affect people in different ways. 

So the two key signs you ruined are your arousal will drop (but with a ruin it’s often only for ten to twenty minutes’ AND your clit et al will get super sensitive for 20 seconds to 2 minutes (that’s the Post Orgasm Torture window for the sadists/masochists among you).

If you’re not getting either of those but you get a few throbs/clenches it’s basically your pussy saying, frankly, ‘Feed me dick’ to put it from an evolutionary biology perspective.

If you only get one of those, the first, where your arousal drops but only for a minute or two then that’s something that sometimes happens during a hard edge. More to men then women in my experience. I put it down to your body/brain basically saying ‘What the fuck are you doing, I’m going on strike’.

It’ll learn.

The big picture is really, don’t worry about it. If it feels good, you’re keeping horny and enjoying the denial high from whatever you’re doing then you don’t need to dig too deep into exactly if you’re ruining or whatever. As long as you’re not cumming, which is a deliberate, and almost always very obvious experience, then you’re being a good little denial slut and you should keep on at it!

Hi, James. I’ve had problems with falling asleep lately. It’s been very hot, so that’s one thing. But I feel like every time I want to go to sleep, I feel the need to touch. It’s not tingly, though. It feel like it needs… Pressure? I haven’t cum for over six weeks now. I’ve been playing a lot last week, but then I stopped, cause I didn’t feel like it (female cycle & hormones) and since then I have this problem. Playing doesn’t help. Have you heard of anyone with such a problem? -Sleepy Girl

Hi Sleepy,

Normally the pattern is that sleeping can be hardest the first few days of edging, especially if you’re new to it, but then most find themselves settling into it and getting the whole denial high thing too.

But six weeks is awesome, and at that point, all kinds of things are going on physically and emotionally too. That deep-seated desperation can manifest as an overwhelming need to touch, that pressure you feel. 

The solution’s easy though. Cum. Seriously. This isn’t a competition. Sleep is important. Let’s find out if that’s the issue. If you are proud of your achievements then you could try a ruin and see if that helps first. But personally, I’d suggest you cum your fucking brains out for a day or two and see what impact that has.

You’ll have read my saying, ‘cumming is good, but not cumming is better’. And I mean it. 

Orgasms are wonderful. But short. 

Edging, denial, is wonderful, and makes you feel good, for much longer. 

But don’t see cumming as bad. It’s just if you can handle it, which you clearly can little miss six-weeker, then staying edged and denied is even hotter.

Then again maybe the weather is cooler again and you’re sleeping properly in which case none of the above applies to you and don’t you fucking dare cum. Good girl.

It’s good to know that for women especially, once you’re really into edging you’ll find you can get wonderfully horny and right back into that denial high pretty damn quick even if you have cum a few times. 

In fact some women will give themselves something like a weekly orgasm, and then edge straight after, and either leave themselves back on the edge or ruin it to really have a mind fuck and get back into the denied feeling fast.

I’ve always been really into the idea of denial but I don’t have any self control. I edge a couple of times, it feels good and then I have an orgasm because I can. I’m single, so no one to play with! I’m tentatively giving juno a go to see how it goes. How many edges is too many?

Too many? The one you go over on…

But build up to it, try one or two a day, if you manage that, three or four.

The trick with this if you keep going over is don’t try to get TOO close. You need to experience the ‘denial high’ that comes with a few days edging, and if you keep cumming you never really appreciate this. 

But you don’t need to get super close each time to achieve this, just keep regularly topped up.

We’ll talk more about it soon!


I have a dilemma: I want to incorporate more denial and edging into my day to day life, but I alternate between living at home and sharing an apartment with several roommates. Do you have any suggestions how I can subtly do this? Thanks!

A few simple rules:

  • Avoid masturbating naked in shared areas when others are home, they tend to get annoyed about it, especially at the dining table.
  • When slamming your pussy deep and hard against a mounted dildo, be considerate if you’re doing it on a shared wall. If you knock their pictures down, offer to put them back up.
  • If you borrow housemate’s possessions for secret masturbation tasks be sure to clean them properly and put them back exactly where you found them. ‘Why is my hairbrush handle always so sticky?’ isn’t’ something we want to hear.
  • Avoid the use of a loud Hitachi wand between the hours of 2am and 7am. They won’t believe the ‘noisy shaver’ line forever.
  • Try not to scream with horny frustration. Especially in the middle of movie night.
  • Leaving wetspots on the furniture is generally frowned upon, so keep babywipes handy to clean up any girl goo you leave behind.
  • Only use the shared USB charger to top up your toy when everyone else is done using it. Phones first, vibes second.
  • While housemates might appreciate your offers of desperate blowjobs in return for permission to cum, this isn’t socially acceptable to do back at home.
  • Remember to take your suction cup dildo back from the shower. ‘It’s somewhere to hang my face towel’ isn’t going to fool anyone.

I hope those are useful..

Other things you might consider:

Make the most of edges first thing and last thing in bed. Don’t forget the shower is a great, sensual place to rub one out, ass play is great to add there with a soapy finger. Practise doing quick edges, you can just pop to your room or the bathroom to get in a quickie during the day. Buy a nice quiet bullet vibe to help. I’d suggest you aim for four or five a day, before you get up, after you get to bed and then finding two or three in between. Do be considerate to those you live with, they haven’t opted into your kink so have fun practising it privately and let them enjoy the bouncy, energised person it helps you to be!