Tag : doms

how can i find a master to control me? i want him/her to tell me how many times to edge myself, when i can cum, when i can ruin, etc. i just want someone to be in complete control of my orgasms but idk how to find someone. please help me james.

Hi sweetie,

Sadly the answer is, very, very carefully. There are a hoard of complete assholes who just pretend to be doms and masters because they see submissive women as easy targets.

Certainly you can explore online forums like fetlife but just be super careful. Take anything anyone says with a pinch of salt. I’ve written lots of advice on it in the past so have a look through the blog.

As this blog has grown it’s become something I’m really passionate about. The number of stories I hear of women like you being completely fucked over emotionally, mentally and sometimes physically by selfish wannabe-dom abusers, because that’s what they are, makes my blood boil.

The best advice I can give, although it’s not what many want to hear, and it’s still not easy, is to find yourself a good, mature, loving boy/girlfriend. They won’t be that dom of your fantasies, but what you are looking for is potential.

It’ll take time and effort but with the right person you can have all that, and have discovered it together, which is all the more exciting.

I know though, I know you want it NOW. Oh consumerism, how you’ve ruined us.

The last few months I’ve been working on some exciting projects that I think will help, both with the whole process of teaching someone the skills you’re looking for, but also for keeping you going in the meantime with some things that will figuratively, and literally, fill those holes that make you ache.

More details coming very soon (as in, the next post…)

Hey James! I finally found someone to deny me!!!! I couldn’t really do it on my own so I’ve barely dipped my toes in to be honest. But my Dom has helped me jump right in which wow I never realized what I was missing! Ive been so wet and needy for almost four whole days now I can not wait to see how I am in a few more.

Congratulations! I’m so pleased for you. 

I’m sure he won’t mind me saying but just take it slowly, it’s easy to get carried away, but it’s best to take time to really know you can trust them, and be sure they’re in it for you just as much as for themselves.

Hi James! I wish to join the JuNo challenge, but the problem is that I currently have a dom that quite literally, encourages me to cum. He doesn’t quite understand the thing about orgasm denial (trust me, I’ve tried), and thinks that denial is pointless. It makes me jealous whenever I read posts where doms are denying their subs, and though there is a (small?) mismatch in kinks here, I don’t know if he’s the right one, or if I should just deny myself whenever I can.

Well perhaps get him reading all the amazing JuNO journals that are cropping up and it’ll convince him otherwise.

Oh also, this:


Good to go, all year around.

post image

Hey James! My Dom gave me my first orgasm in nine months for valentines day and ruined it without me noticing. The cheeky bastard accidently had me so convinced something was wrong with me that I cried for being disobedient. He got a good chuckle out of it, and now i’m wet again. 😑😭❤

He sounds like a keeper! Really, any dom a sub can happily call a ‘cheeky bastard’ is off to a good start imo.

I love her smile in this gif…

I’ve always wanted to get into the lifestyle (as a female sub looking for a male dom) but I feel like I should get to know the dom as a person first? What’s your view on this? Thanks.

Oh Anon, don’t get me started. I could write an essay on this, a whole book in fact.

Yes, absolutely you should get to know them first. The trouble is one of supply and demand, there aren’t many doms around, and there are lots of submissive women wanting one.

This leads to the Fine Line dilemma. That is, there is a fine line between a dom, and an asshole. And most of them are just assholes.

You see it’s very easy for some horny asshole to just label his dumb, abusive behaviour as ‘oh hey, I’m a dom!’ and it apparently make it okay. It obviously doesn’t, but you lovely subs are so keen to be dominated that you, over time, lower your standards and hope against hope that the next guy will be a real dom and not an asshole. Sadly the odds are against you. 

So what’s the answer?

Firstly treat anyone who labels themselves a dom but acts like a dick as a dick, not a dom (English followers just laughed at that for reasons the rest of you will never understand).

You deserve respect and attention as a human being before any D/s goes down, and if they can’t give you that then fuck ‘em (as in, you know what I mean).

And honestly if the dom stuff is the only thing you have going on and you have nothing else to talk about then it doesn’t bode well either.

That’s not an answer, i want an answer

Okay, fair point. So here’s my real answer, but you might not like it.

Your best bet in finding a dom, is making your own.

‘Noooo, don’t tell me that’ I hear you cry, ‘I want a ready made dom to control and enslave me!!!! I don’t wanna make one!’

I know, but welcome to life. If you want the good stuff you usually have to work at it.

You need to find a good guy (or girl), who does want to get to know you as a person, and maybe he’s dominant, he’ll usually, but not always be an ‘alpha’ type personality, although some will surprise you.

The criteria should be ‘do they have the potential to be a dom, not ‘are they a dom already’. That’s going to be an early criteria in whether you’re into someone, but it’s not the only thing.

You should have lots in common, ideally actually live near each other, and slowly get to know each other and explore love, sex and D/s and grow into it. OMG it’s almost like having a relationship and then getting your kink on! (It’s exactly that).

As to how to then train them up, well that’s a subject for another post, and perhaps a book – seriously. But keep chasing me on it, I’ll see what I can come up with. And it absolutely is possible, I know because I help women do it. Before I ran this blog and got swamped by desperately horny young women (and don’t get me wrong, I LOVE you all) I actually spent a lot of my online time helping married women who were looking for a dom (bad idea) to actually get their husbands to dom them instead. (I’d deny them too, don’t worry!). But it was damn successful (and hugely satisfying). So yeah, I speak from experience.

What if I like girls?

For those interested in dommes much of the same applies except dommes tend to be fake not because they are assholes (unless they are a guy pretending, lots of those, be warned) but because they are actually a whore who wants money from you. 

Besides that, you get some real ones, but they are fucking psychos, like really off the wall dangerous nutjobs. I don’t know what it is, but the scariest people I’ve ever encountered in the kink world were dommes. So yeah, you’re not safe just because you like boobs.

So guy or gal, dom or domme, please be careful my lovely followers, I don’t want you getting hurt. (And I don’t just mean emotionally, these people can get under your skin and fuck you up).

Of course there are some real, ready to go doms and dommes out there but they are very, very rare. Just think about it, if they’re real then the likelihood is they’ve been snapped up already and the subs who have found them are going to make VERY sure they aren’t getting away.

So let me point you to my post about the quite well known ‘Acid test’ as to whether someone’s for real and red flags to watch fo:


Actually that’s a really good post, you all need to read it! I’m ordering you as a DOM!

Love you


Just wanted to publicly celebrate since I have no one currently in my life that I can brag to: going on a first date soon with a gentleman I’ve been chatting to. He’s into orgasm denial, including being locked into a chastity belt. I’d be teased relentlessly & denied any pussy penetration, only anal for me. The idea is to break the record set by his previous submissive: seven months. Of course the date will be vanilla so I can ascertain if we’d get along, but if we do then I am so fucked! :D

Wow, sounds amazing! I hope it works out. Just remember to not let expectations get too far ahead of you. Take it slowly, let it build naturally, and build the kind of strong foundation that something like that requires. If you’re feeling rushed or pressured, just communicate that – he needs to know (and you need to trust him to respond appropriately).

Good luck and enjoy!