James, man I love your blog. It gives me inspiration and ideas for my next girlfriend. I’m currently single, but I’m taking to a couple of girls who I’m considering dating, how long should I wait before bringing this up once I start dating one of them?
Posted on: May 19, 2017 /
What a great question! I think denial is hugely a ‘show don’t tell’ kink. So in a potential partner you’re looking for a few things initially (beyond the obvious, magical ‘click’ with them), an openness to try new things, a kink-positive attitude and lastly, probably, but not as necessary, a sexually submissive attitude. As you see here, there are dommes that love denial too but that’s rarer, it’s obviously a much higher match up with those who love exploring submissive situations, whether just sexually or beyond.
So going back to the ‘show don’t tell’ part and these lucky girls you’re ‘considering’… I think it’s a bit of a scary thing to say to someone, ‘oh yes, I love not letting a woman cum’ UNLESS she’s already signalled she’s into it (in which case she will be all over you like syrup on a waffle).
No, instead you show her, and we’re getting to the heart of denial here, it’s not just about orgasms and horniness, it’s about the tease.
From the very start of a relationship explore you teasing her, her mind as much as her body, getting her to open up about what she likes, whispering things like ‘You know I’m going to use this against you, to drive you crazy, don’t you?’ and not saying more.
And then physically, using the age old adage attributed to P T Barnum, ‘Always leave them wanting more’. Your kissing, your touching, leave her aching for you to return and give her more. Be the one in control, be strong so they learn to feel safe being weak, with you.
Then you start to hint at denial, as you get more physically intimate,and have brought her to orgasm more than a few times, ‘How would you feel if we put a little rule in place… only I am allowed to make you cum?’ And you do, you keep making her cum to start, as she begins to love you taking control of that. And then you make it worse as she discovers how good it feels, you teach her about edging, tell her you want her even more desperate so it feels even better when you’re together. And you keep making her cum, reward her for her efforts.
And then, when you think she’s ready, it’s time to turn her into a denial slut. Make it sensual, lots of time, ending up with her naked, hands gently tied so she’s helpless. And you kiss and fuck but end up going down between her legs, for so long she’s starting to beg for real. And then you slide back up her, cock head nestled in her, still teasing, and as she begs to cum, ask her, ‘What if, I didn’t? What if I didn’t let you cum? What if I just left you like this?’
And back down, licking and fingering some more as she thinks on your suggestion, her desperation growing, begging some more, ‘Please let me cum!!!’ and this time a simpler response whispered into her mouth in a kiss, ‘No’.
And back down again, tongue fucking, clit sucking, ass licking (she’ll want everything you give her at this point). And then back up, cock buried in her as you press close, your words breaking her as you whisper, ‘Beg me to deny you, beg me to not let you cum, to keep you like this, wet, desperate, mine’
And she will, she’ll give it up, and it’ll be the most exciting words the two of you will share for a long time. And keep her begging as you mount her a last time, as you fuck her and she watches you cum, taking your pleasure as she’s denied hers and realises what she’s become, your denial slut.
The journey’s only just beginning.
Well, that took an unexpected turn to the erotic, didn’t it! Okay, seriously though, all that is great advice, but she’s a real person not a fantasy so it might just turn out she’s not into it, and that’s life. Honestly it’s the kind of kink that almost everyone can learn to love if done right but we don’t force things on people. The reality is that if she’s responding well to the early teasing the actual denial part is almost a given. But if you get to that last part and she won’t say ‘please deny me’ then that’s got to be cool too. And you make her cum, and you let her think more about it, and half the time she’ll tell you later, ‘Damn, I wish you hadn’t let me, can we do that again?’