Tag : communication

How can I best communicate to my LD Dom that I actually love denial. Of course I want to cum, and not having an orgasm is torture, but it makes me wild when he says no. It makes me feel alive with constant sexual desire, it makes me fem like I would do “anything” to earn that orgasm. Do Doms want their subs to enjoy denial, to admit enjoying being at their master’s mercy? What’s the best way to say it?

I tend to advocate the ‘cumming is good, but not cumming is so much better’ approach especially with the daddy dom type who tend towards the kind side of kink..

Keep it all positive. From a dom’s perspective giving you orgasms is often quite a power trip and watching you completely lose it as we make you cum is incredible, so for many it is a bit of a struggle to get their head around you wanting that to stop.

But straight out saying it, often in terms of ‘do you think we could try something?’ can quickly convince them that as great as watching you cum is, not letting you is so much hotter. The way you act when you’re insatiably horny, how you lose it, not just for seconds but all the time, the fact it brings your submissiveness to a new level. Once he tastes those fruits it’s a much easier sell.

So yes, the ‘try something’ line is a great starting point. And once that goes well there’s a few resources you can use. One is I’ve written a letter just for this scenario, which I now can’t find on Tumblr as the search is so crap now so here’s it reposted to my ‘blog in progress’:


The other resources as I mentioned in the last reply is that my entire back catalogue of kinky shit is now on edgingspace.bdsmlr.com so if you can encourage him to read that, get turned on by it, even play and pleasure him while he reads it, well, you my dear follower are monumentally fucked. 

Just the way you want it.

Hope that helps,


You won’t let me cum, will you?



You know how sad it makes me, right? You know the brief high isn’t worth the come down. That the temporary rush can’t compare to the build up. I’m always disappointed after. That I didn’t go longer, that I heard “Yes” instead of “No” to my question, which I know sounded like I wanted a positive answer to but I didn’t really! I love how my pussy leaks, how my clit throbs and all I can think of is you, or me, or anyone touching it. Why would I want an end to that? So soft, wet, warm and all for you, why spoil all that effort? Sitting here squirming looking for any sort of friction and finding none. Desperately hoping you’ll softly tease my lips, my clit, let me lick you in thanks for your longed for attention and come across my face.

You won’t let me cum, will you? You know how sad it makes me. I much prefer humping your hand, while you stare at me with lust filled eyes, knowing you’re going to take your hand away soon and leave me gasping. Slap my ass, my pussy, leaving trails of my wetness all over me. Gently tickling my most sensitive parts with clever fingers. Making me beg for an orgasm we both know I don’t want.

You won’t let me cum, will you?

I wonder how many people would think this way if they remembered how good the arousal and desperation felt at the time………

If you’re struggling to communicate the above, beautiful, sentiment, I’ve written this to help you communicate it clearly:


hi james! i just wanted to let you know that your blog is what has really gotten me into denial. at first, i just enjoyed reading about it, but could never bring myself to actually deny my own orgasms, but eventually i started denying them by making myself wait a little longer, but would always let myself cum at the end of masturbating. but now ive been talking to this guy for a few weeks, and we’ve been sexting, and the first time he told me i wasn’t allowed to cum that day i just felt my(cont)

my wetness pool between my legs. and of course it frustrated me, and i begged him to let me cum, but every time he said, “no princess, not tonight” i just got more turned on and i loved it. i even tried saying that we cant let my wetness go to waste, but he told me it’s not a waste…we want this. and he’s right. now, every time we play, im secretly hoping he will deny me when i ask to cum. –k

‘It’s not a waste’ oh god, he’s a keeper!

But stop ‘secretly hoping’, TELL HIM. 

More than that, send him this

Good girl and thank you for the delightful feedback, you’ve made my day and I’m sure you’ll serve as an inspiration to others.

James, man I love your blog. It gives me inspiration and ideas for my next girlfriend. I’m currently single, but I’m taking to a couple of girls who I’m considering dating, how long should I wait before bringing this up once I start dating one of them?

What a great question! I think denial is hugely a ‘show don’t tell’ kink. So in a potential partner you’re looking for a few things initially (beyond the obvious, magical ‘click’ with them), an openness to try new things, a kink-positive attitude and lastly, probably, but not as necessary, a sexually submissive attitude. As you see here, there are dommes that love denial too but that’s rarer, it’s obviously a much higher match up with those who love exploring submissive situations, whether just sexually or beyond.

So going back to the ‘show don’t tell’ part and these lucky girls you’re ‘considering’… I think it’s a bit of a scary thing to say to someone, ‘oh yes, I love not letting a woman cum’ UNLESS she’s already signalled she’s into it (in which case she will be all over you like syrup on a waffle).

No, instead you show her, and we’re getting to the heart of denial here, it’s not just about orgasms and horniness, it’s about the tease.

From the very start of a relationship explore you teasing her, her mind as much as her body, getting her to open up about what she likes, whispering things like ‘You know I’m going to use this against you, to drive you crazy, don’t you?’ and not saying more. 

And then physically, using the age old adage attributed to P T Barnum, ‘Always leave them wanting more’. Your kissing, your touching, leave her aching for you to return and give her more. Be the one in control, be strong so they learn to feel safe being weak, with you.

Then you start to hint at denial, as you get more physically intimate,and have brought her to orgasm more than a few times, ‘How would you feel if we put a little rule in place… only I am allowed to make you cum?’ And you do, you keep making her cum to start, as she begins to love you taking control of that. And then you make it worse as she discovers how good it feels, you teach her about edging, tell her you want her even more desperate so it feels even better when you’re together. And you keep making her cum, reward her for her efforts.

And then, when you think she’s ready, it’s time to turn her into a denial slut. Make it sensual, lots of time, ending up with her naked, hands gently tied so she’s helpless. And you kiss and fuck but end up going down between her legs, for so long she’s starting to beg for real. And then you slide back up her, cock head nestled in her, still teasing, and as she begs to cum, ask her, ‘What if, I didn’t? What if I didn’t let you cum? What if I just left you like this?’

And back down, licking and fingering some more as she thinks on your suggestion, her desperation growing, begging some more, ‘Please let me cum!!!’ and this time a simpler response whispered into her mouth in a kiss, ‘No’. 

And back down again, tongue fucking, clit sucking, ass licking (she’ll want everything you give her at this point). And then back up, cock buried in her as you press close, your words breaking her as you whisper, ‘Beg me to deny you, beg me to not let you cum, to keep you like this, wet, desperate, mine’

And she will, she’ll give it up, and it’ll be the most exciting words the two of you will share for a long time. And keep her begging as you mount her a last time, as you fuck her and she watches you cum, taking your pleasure as she’s denied hers and realises what she’s become, your denial slut.

The journey’s only just beginning.

Well, that took an unexpected turn to the erotic, didn’t it! Okay, seriously though, all that is great advice, but she’s a real person not a fantasy so it might just turn out she’s not into it, and that’s life. Honestly it’s the kind of kink that almost everyone can learn to love if done right but we don’t force things on people. The reality is that if she’s responding well to the early teasing the actual denial part is almost a given. But if you get to that last part and she won’t say ‘please deny me’ then that’s got to be cool too. And you make her cum, and you let her think more about it, and half the time she’ll tell you later, ‘Damn, I wish you hadn’t let me, can we do that again?’

So my dom and I have been dabbling in denial, but I’m only not allowed to orgasm when she’s not around. How do I tell her I want to be denied during sex too? Tonight is the first time in a week I’ve gotten to see her and we’re going to dinner, I want her to play with me and then take me home and fuck me senseless but not be allowed to orgasm the entire time. What do I say?

You’ve just expressed it beautifully! Be brave and tell her. Send her a message with, ‘So I had this idea that got me all excited, maybe we could try it tonight?’

She’ll come back and ask what it was, and then you tell her exactly what you told me. I’m pretty sure she’ll love the idea but if not you’re only saying what you would like, that’s a great thing. Worst case scenario is she saves it for another time.

As much as it may sometimes feel like it, we dom/mes aren’t mind readers, we want and need you to tell us how to make your fantasies and dreams come true.

So be brave, tell her. OR alternatively, you could send her this post. ‘Wow, I love this idea. It totally wasn’t me who asked this, honestly… Can we do it, can we?

Hi James, my daddy often calls me a slut but never his slut and it kinda makes me uncomfortable. I feel like I’m making a big deal out of nothing and so I don’t really know how to approach the subject. What would you suggest?

‘There’s this thing I wanted to talk to you about…’

Seriously, just say it, once that’s out you’re committed and will tell him the rest. And remember, he WANTS to know. He’ll be disappointed if you didn’t tell him stuff like this.

So be brave and ‘There’s this thing I wanted to talk to you about…’

Good girl

So ive been seeing this guy for a while but he hasnt yet cum. He has said that my head is great but i cant get him to cum from it. The sex is great too but the condoms make it hard for him to cum. (He agrees its a bad idea to go without even though im on the pill). But its getting frustrating for me and i worry it’s frustrating him worse. I really want to pleasure him but i dont know how to do more for him and thought you may have some ideas.

Okay, let’s roll this back to basics. Forget about blowjobs, forget about sex, and let’s just figure out what makes him cum. To do this you need three things, your hand, some lube and no pressure time together. 

Mutual masturbation, that’s what we’re talking about. You kissing and snuggling and touching each other without any rushing. Lots of lube on his cock, sliding it up and down, playing with it and then – you ask him to show you what he does. Yep, he is the world expert on making that thing cum, so ask him to show you. Now that doesn’t mean you have to do it the same, but 1. it’s fun to watch, and 2 you will learn some stuff. 

Is he nervous about that? Cool ‘Wanna watch me?’ you reply. Hell yes he does! Let him wank while he watches you play, put on a nice little show, but no cumming, not for either of you, yet.

So, once you try that, you take back control and now you’ll find it easier to talk about what feels best. And still, no pressure, just have fun, relax. If it’s still not happening, maybe browse Tumblr together, maybe read this blog, that’d really get you in trouble huh… And ultimately if you can’t make it happen, kneel on the floor, and tell him to cum on your face ‘so you can watch close up’ of course. Congrats, you just became his porn star and everything is great! And with what you’ve learnt, you can try again and soon, if you  haven’t already, you’ll have him cumming like nobody’s business.

Then, simply take the same approach with blowjobs, taking your time and talking about what is best. Look up blowjob tips on Tumblr, there’s some good stuff. But the most important thing to remember is most real blowjobs are VERY hand assisted, they’re more of a wank with the tip in your mouth. So if you’ve got the handjob bit nailed, your mouth sucking and licking the end is just a bonus. You’ll have him there in no time!

I hope that helps!

How can I make my boyfriend want to control my orgasms? He LOVES forcing them… And edging me…but he let’s me Cum too soon and doesn’t control my pussy in his absence… Any tips? I want him to enjoy my denial as much as I do.

The best approach is to just be honest and tell him. Send him your own version of this message.

‘Honey, I had a special request for the next time we’re together. I love how you make me cum, and you’re really good at it. But I have this really strong fantasy that I’ve not told you before – I don’t want you to let me cum. Not at all. I want you to get me as close as you can, and then just keep stopping. Keep teasing me. And no, not even at the end of the night, just leave me like that, dripping, horny, desperate for you. I want to see how it makes me feel, I think it’ll make me even more of a little slut for you. It’ll make me even more desperate to please you, service you, let you do whatever you want to me.

So can we try honey? Leave me like that, keep me like that, maybe even the whole time till we’re next together? I’d love that so much, I hope you would too.’