Tag : christian-denial-sluts

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Hi even sending this is a huge step for me so I hope you can help. I’m a committed Christian and feel very weird even thinking about sex and I don’t know if that’s just me or what I’ve been taught but I also really want to be a good lover to a future husband but I don’t know how to learn that. Should I just wait until I get married and figure it out with him or do you think edging would help? A friend told me to write to you I hope it’s okay.

Hi there anon, well done being brave and asking, it’s a really important question.

I know from surveys we’ve done there are lots of women, in similar positions, usually Christian or Muslim who follow the blog. And of course as I’ve talked about a few times my wife was in exactly that position, pastor’s kid etc.

I totally understand where you’re coming from and while I appreciate the idea of holding off and learning it all with your husband, I think that’s a bad idea. 

That’s mostly because part of your hesitation about doing anything now comes from quite natural insecurities about sex, your body, your sexual responses. Churches, heck, most societies are awful at teaching young people about this stuff. And those insecurities are NOT going away unless you do something about it. 

Instead you’re likely going to drag all those things into your marriage bed and make what can ideally be the most amazing experiences of your life just a confusing, scared mess that puts HUGE pressure on the guy to make it work.

The bottom line is this, if you don’t know how your body responds sexually, if you don’t understand what turns you on and what you like, how on earth can you expect him to?

Those first experiences can be absolutely amazing, I speak from experience, but for that to happen you both need to be relaxed, and excited, and as comfortable with yourselves sexually as you can be.

Also you’re at a huge disadvantage. Your husband-to-be has, in 99% of cases (and they say the other 1% is lying) been masturbating for years. Also, unfortunately he’s most likely been watching porn for years too and because of that his expectations are going to be sky high, and setting things up for disappointment. If you go into that marriage bed completely naive to how he thinks, let alone the basics of how you orgasm or what you respond to, it’s going to be such a huge mismatch of expectations there is no way it ends well.

So instead here’s my advice. Make a concerted effort to understand yourself. It is your responsibility to know your body, how it responds, what you enjoy, and to become excited about the possibility of sex. Don’t forget in the bible we have an entire erotic book in the Song of Solomon that talks about (in poetic terms) masturbation, getting aroused and wet, titillation and oral sex, as well as sex. Yeah it really does. Jews traditionally weren’t even allowed to read it till they were 21! And married couples are encouraged to have sex on a daily basis or whenever either is horny by St Paul.

Add to that and there is NOWHERE in the bible that says masturbation is wrong (the case of Onan being condemned for ‘spilling his seed on the ground’ is about not honouring his brother’s legacy by getting his widow pregnant (let’s not even go there), nothing to do with masturbation, at all).

So give it a go, guilt-free, with the intention of positively working out how you respond, what feels good, what turns you on (lots of stories on here), and also how to orgasm, and multiple orgasm. Beyond that it’s also about training your biggest sexual orgasm YOUR BRAIN to be good at this too. Read some good erotica, maybe even watch some very female friendly porn, or for many reading captions here on Tumblr and now BDSMLR is a huge turn on too. Through practise and some non judgemental exploration you’ll realise just how incredible your mind and body are. Whether you’re evolutionist or creationist, we were MADE to have sex, how great is that. Just look at our ridiculous bodies, someone somewhere is having a laugh, I know that.

Having said all that a common issue after masturbation is the loss of libido after an orgasm is often tied with a feeling of worry or guilt that it was wrong to do. This isn’t a great thing to keep doing to yourself either, as I know many for whom orgasm=guilt (I went to catholic school), which is one reason why edging is such a great option when exploring for yourself. It has an element of self-discipline in it, it promotes you feeling good about yourself, and it doesn’t have that drop at the end.

Beyond that it’s all the reasons I promote it too, the self-confidence that comes from edging, the way it helps your self-image, how sexy and feminine it can make you feel, it’s such a positive activity if you’re wanting to build up any of those areas.

I hope that helps, oh and finally it sounds like you have a good friend there. Talk to her about it, that’s what friends are for. Not feeling you’re all alone and weird with this stuff is the first major step to getting good at it. The essence of good sex is actually communication, so learning to be at ease talking about it with someone you trust, the good bits, the hot bits, and the worries you have, will be a massive help to you becoming the confident, sex-positive woman I’m sure you hope to be.


Hiya James! I’m responding to the whole “anal only religious conviction” thing and the song. I don’t want to have sex out of wedlock but I also love my boyfriend and want him to have his fun. So I’ve been having only anal sex for quite awhile. At first it hurt a lot but if I include my clit I really enjoy it; every girl should try it at some point! I can’t cum from it normally so I don’t have many orgasms. I don’t actually think my bf knows this is denial but hey, good girls don’t cum, right?

And what a good girl you are! I don’t know why this makes me so happy but it really does.

Let me just be responsible and add that there is still a small risk of getting pregnant from anal sex, if his cum leaks down to your pussy. So make sure you’re practising safe sex, and if it really is hurting, and keep hurting, I know it’s super embarrassing but please see a doctor. Anal sex is amazing but ultimately our asses are designed for something else and if you do it too much you can injure yourself. 

My recommendation if you’re wanting to abstain till marriage (which is incredible btw) is that blow jobs are the way to go. And added to that, him going down on you. Don’t you fucking dare just suck him off and not make him reciprocate.

Read this together and then get him doing it:


Once he’s got the hang of making you cum from it, make sure you tell him it’s hotter if he doesn’t. Because cumming is good, but not cumming is better.

Don’t let me cum till our wedding night’ is something you should regularly tell him in between sucking his cock and getting fucked in the ass.


PS Anal sex should barely hurt at all if done right, people. So if you’re thinking of doing it make sure you read up on how to do it, but the essence is, use lots of lube, be really horny, and go very slowly.

PPS Good girls also swallow, every single time. Just FYI.

Christian Denial Slut here!!! My fiance and I are totally doing what the first anon fantasised about! I deny him too and we even bought a cock cage which he wears when we spend intimate time together so we’re not tempted to go too far!!! Thought you’d love hearing that. I’ve gone from very naive and ignorant to being so excited about sex and wanting to try everything! Also it’s forcing us to go slow so we’re enjoying ever bit of it. So thank you from us both!!!! Hannah

Thank you Hannah, I DO love hearing that. I’d have loved us to discover cock cages before we got married, that’d have been awesome! I’m not sure they even existed back then! You can get good ones so cheaply nowadays. What a time to be alive!

Kind of amazing that you’re actually using a chastity device, to maintain chastity! Brilliant. Gosh you Christian Denial Sluts are really responding to this. What have I unleashed…

You have probably seen my recommendations before but do check out @keephimcaged for lots of ideas for him.

My suggestion though, save anal for your first wedding anniversary, it’s just a very hot idea. (Get well prepared with plugs etc first though so that you love the first time).

Following up from ‘Christian Anon’. I’m exactly the same, only a bit younger and so thankful for your blog. I learn so much from it and i’m much more confident about my body since I started trying some of your tasks. Sometimes I feel a bit guilty though, any advice? Thankyou Rebecca

Hi Rebecca (I love it when you anons give me a name to use, just sayin’).

Again that’s wonderful to hear. Thank you for the encouragement.

Let’s talk about guilt. Guilt, like worry, doesn’t really help anything. It just makes you feel worse. What’s needed instead is a fresh perspective and sometimes some action.

It’s probably that if you sit back, maybe take a day off from tumblr, and examine what’s making you feel that way, it’s that you’re just a bit out of balance, and need to exercise a little self control and perhaps limit how much you’re edging and watching porn.

Do trust yourself too, you don’t have to like everything, just listen to your conscience if you watch something that makes you feel bad and learn to skip over it, filter it out.

Prudish religious zealots aside, let’s remember a lot of the Bible (can’t speak to the Qur’an etc as I’m a good Christian boy) is very sex positive. It has a whole X-rated book in the Song of Solomon that’s talking (in metaphor) about giving pleasure, oral sex, teasing, maybe even denial if I stretch it a bit.

Also, as far as I read it, within a committed relationship, almost ANYTHING goes. Paul even extols his readers to be making sure they get it on A LOT.

This might be a first for the blog, but let me quote the bible:

Husbands and wives have reciprocal duties. Each husband has the responsibility to meet his wife’s sexual desires, and each wife should do the same for her husband. 4 In marriage neither the husband nor the wife should act as if his or her body is private property—your bodies now belong to one another, and together they are whole. 5 So do not withhold sex from one another, unless both of you have agreed to devote a certain period of time to prayer. When the agreed time is over, come together again so that Satan will not tempt you when you are short on self-control. 1 Cor 7:3-5

I love that idea of you belonging to each other, and the obligation to meet each other’s desires. To my mind that very much includes a lot of the kinky stuff you want. If you want him spanking you and denying you and fucking you in the ass… it’s his duty! Woo hoo. 

But for now, it’s just you and I think the key is to just find a balance you feel comfortable with. Make sure you can take a break from it, it can be addictive. This is true for anyone, not just those with a faith. Denial and edging are wonderful, but there is so much more to life,and sex! It should be like the frosting on the cake that makes it all even better (and more moist).

What’s most important for me is the way it is teaching you to love yourself, explore your amazing body, to be confident and feel sexy. It even helps develop that self control Paul was talking about. Nice!

Now go forth and edge yourselves!

In response to the Christian anon post. Yes! I make denial work with my faith. It’s a fantastic way to acknowledge and celebrate that I am a sexual being, and was made that way, while not jumping ahead of myself and getting involved with just anyone. No judgement for people whose sexuality is much more open, but it’s not right for me, and in the meantime, teasing, edging, and denial have really helped me reach a good level of personal knowledge and integration.

This is great, I love that we can talk about this, and thank you, the graceful attitude is what makes it all so good! It really is totally okay to be a ‘sexual being’ but want to keep that for the right special someone! Never worry about that. (’Daughters, I charge you: Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.


And can I just say, when you do find the right person, lucky  blessed them!

Welcome to the club of Christian Denial Sluts! (You know I’m working on captions already…).