Tag : beginning-denial

hi James, quick question. do you think aiming for a month is too much for my first time edging? should i cut it down to a week? also, im edging myself, any tips on how to get myself to stop just on the edge? I’ve tried edging a few times but always mess up and allow mysterious an orgasm. thanks!

Yeah, it’s a bit overambitious. The trouble is you’re setting yourself up for failure whereas you want your first forays into the wonderful world of edging to be a success.

A week is even a stretch. I’d normally suggest you build up by doing it overnight, as waking up super horny and edging again is great fun. And maybe extend that to a third day, but then celebrate it, and cum, hard!

THEN go again and push beyond those three days, that’s where some really interesting things start to kick in like the ‘denial high’ and well, a growing addiction to the joys of edging. If you can do that for a week, I’m so proud of you. Cum, again, it’ll most likely feel insanely good.

Then you might want to try for a month. But people, this isn’t a competition. Well okay sometimes it is and that’s hot as fuck but MOST of the time this is about you finding what works for you. And that might be just edging during the day and cumming in the evening, it might be Sunday is CumDay, or it might be a whole year of nothing but wet desperation.

And for many, it’s all those and more. Variety is the spice of edging.

Let us know how you get on.

Fuuuuuck I’m on a trip with some friends and decided that, despite never having really done it at home at (even though it was INCREDIBLY appealing) I’m gonna try and really get into denial and edging… they went out for a bit so I stayed home and let myself have my first ruined orgasm and fukc

Wow anon, you really pick your times. I wonder if it was the thought of them coming back and catching you that added the extra appeal. 

Now the challenge is to try it at home, and not ruin. Nope, just sweet, sweet edges. Three days, three times a day at least. Then, you can have a ruin.

hey james my boyfriend is a dom but he’s new to it and inexperienced, like i literally had to tell him what aftercare is. but he really wants to learn more about everything and i want to teach him but i don’t really know where to start. any advice or anything would really be appreciated !

Hey there,

I’m more than happy for him to email me at james@edging.space if he wants some advice. Most of the time I’ve got several couples I’m doing some mentoring with, but I warn you now… be careful what you wish for 😛

Edging is actually a really good starting point for both of you though. It is the gateway drug of kinky shit. It gives him a good taste of what it’s like to control you, but also it opens you up to being bolder sharing what you desire with him.

So try some edging sessions, nice intimate ones, cuddled up where he plays with you, keeps you close, and then he can start asking questions. Good ones include:

  • tell me about your favourite fantasies, share them in detail
  • now tell me about one you’re a bit scared to tell me
  • what would you like me to do to you more, what gets you wet?
  • how often should I let you cum, what should I do instead?
  • where has all this come from do you think, tell me your early memories of these desires
  • should I let you cum for telling me all this? (the only correct answer is ‘no’)
  • show me some porn you love.. and make me cum, I want your orgasm… although, if you want to ask me some questions I’m sure the closer I get the more open I’ll be too…

His part of this is to encourage you, as you open up, to not be surprised or intimidated by ANYTHING, it’s all fantasies for now, anything goes, and the pro-level of this is he takes some of the fantasies and answers you share and tells them back to you, with his own little twists on them. Hearing your deepest, hottest thoughts from his lips is an amazing experience.

But this is the heart of it, talking. We are very lucky to live today, when we’re escaping the bonds of even what being kinky has to look like. There are some basics in terms of safe, sane and consensual to put in place but beyond that, make it your own. It can be anything both of you want it to be and when you’re in a loving relationship it’s not about the destination or perfectly executed scenes, the biggest joy is in the journey and working it all out together and having enormous fun with it.

So focus on the fun, build in denial to accelerate the process a bit and then start out with what you think is hottest, let it come from you rather than just how others do it.

On the whole this is a topic really close to my heart. The struggle of being a submissive and trying to find someone to dom you or get your partner into it. And sadly because there’s so little practical help and a massive supply and demand disparity a lot of subs get drawn into the unsavoury world of online doms where most are just wannabe wankers and fakes who thinks subs are an easy target. 

And it’s often more nefarious than that. It’s so easy to be tricked into being blackmailed with it’s something so intimate and exposing. I get more and more letters from women who’ve gone through that and it breaks my heart.

I better stop or I’ll go on a big rant but I am in the process of drawing up some materials that I think will be really helpful, for individuals and couples – and I’ve just started on a Patreon as a way of maybe letting me put more time into that and turn it into a really strong resource. Those I’ve talked to about it already have basically screamed at me to get on and create it all already so it’s definitely in the works.

Anyway, back to you OP, I hope that’s helpful and if you want some advice just message more here or email me, I’ll see what I can do to help.


You made a long post explaining to Dom’s who are new to edging and denial what it’s all about and it was called a Valentine’s Day gift or something? Sorry I can’t remember exactly but I told my fiancée about all of this and he loves it just as much as me and I really want to show him but can’t find it could you link me it? Thank you!!

Here you go!


Also, this…


might come in useful.


I was finally able to edge myself last night. I now realize why people do it. The orgasm was great but now I don’t think so. I edged 6 times before I let myself orgasm. I feel bad about it. I didn’t push myself more.

Don’t feel bad about it, that’s awesome! The fact you realise why people actually edge rather than just cum is a HUGE breakthrough.

There’s plenty of time to push yourself more, stop wasting time feeling bad about it, and give it another go!

I just wanna say um that i cant do denial but im working on it! And I listened to nimjas audio and lasted the entire video!!! I came after though by accident, my finger slipped. Please be proud of me for trying

I’m very proud of you for trying, good girl!

Edging takes practise and self control – which is a GOOD thing! So keep trying, keep improving. Enjoy how it makes you feel AND all the benefits that developing better self control will bring to your life You’ll be amazed!

Told a guy I’ve been sexting with that I’m into denial and pointed him towards your blog to convince him that it’s even hotter than making me cum, so here’s hoping he helps me on my way to being complete denial slut ;)

Good girl.

Just know you’re completely fucked if he reads this:


Or actually, this…


And whatever you do, don’t introduce him to this:


Oh wait, this probably isn’t helping is it…

Lots of love!


This has been a great gateway into edging and ruined orgasms… It’s very new to me but I’ve been trying it out at any opportunity, slowly building up. Today I was challenged to use my massage wand to edge, and unsurprisingly I failed, but that ruin was SO good! I am so desperate to get filled right now… I’m sure it’s past my bedtime though so my drippy pussy will have to wait! Thanks for the inspiration and advice you give, it’s been great!

You are so welcome. Always lovely to get feedback like this.


I’m just starting with denial, I’ve been edging, for almost two days and I haven’t cum. Would you suggest that I go for another few days? Start throwing in some ruined orgasms? I am nowhere near climbing the walls, just constantly wet and throbbing. Any advice is welcomed and thank you in advance 🙂

Welcome to the party!

I suggest you go one more day, two at the most. You’re doing brilliantly, this isn’t a competition. Climbing the walls can be fun but mostly it’s just getting into how hot and good this makes you feel.

So tomorrow or Saturday, I want you to cum your fucking brains out. A few good hard orgasms.

Then ruin one. Hard as you can.

And that’s it.

No touching for a day.

And the next day – it’s time to try for a week.