Tag : asks

I have a question, what happened to the Wheel of Denial?

Along with Tumblr killing some of the posts I think Google closed it’s url shortening service which I used to connect to them, so I’m going to have to recreate them.

However, I’ve got something very exciting in the works for one that can work on a phone and is even better. So I’ll probably spend my time getting that working instead. 

Keep an eye out on edgingspace.bdsmlr.com for more details

I didn’t cum for 2 and half weeks, cause I couldn’t meet with my partner and I have a rule that only other people can give me an orgasm and today I masturbated in my dream, but I knowed that I can’t cum so I ruined it and a woke up for that I had a ruined orgasm in the reality also. I think thats awesome! 😍

That is SO GREAT!!!!

Isn’t the mind an amazing thing. 

I guess technically all ‘hands free’ orgasms are ruined because you don’t rub through the pleasure but my actual experience with them is that if you take someone over the edge with just words and thoughts they get a full orgasm. 

So you ruining it, omg I love you already anon.

Now see if you can do it while awake…

I have to know what’s so appealing to you about pleasure denial. I agree that a short denial say a few hours or a day can be fun but a whole week? A month? I don’t get it.


I’ve never gone a month. Two weeks was the longest, and that was too long for us, at least that time. I usually go about 5-10 days.

The key to understanding it is that orgasm denial is not pleasure denial. If anything, I get a lot more pleasure during our denial sessions than I would’ve gotten otherwise. I edge every day, and each edging session is intense pleasure. We fuck almost every day, and getting cock in a highly aroused, deliciously swollen, well edged pussy is spectacularly pleasurable.

Also, my range of things that feel good expands during denial, and the longer I go, the wider my sensation range becomes.

After a few days of denial, sucking cock becomes pleasurable. I always enjoy it for psychological reasons, but denial makes my lips more sensitive, and the velvety skin of a hard cock sliding between my lips starts feeling really good.

I also start enjoying pain. Normally pain is a turn off, but during denial, it becomes just intense sensation and I get a big rush from it. We have a whip that only comes out after four days of denial and edging. We are also getting a couple more sensation play toys to experiment with, and I’m really looking forward to it!

I feel energized and alive in my body during denial. My skin is more sensitive all over. Food tastes amazing. All touch feels amazing. I am prone to living in my head, denial makes me much more aware of my entire body.

The mental and emotional component is the most important part for me. Denial makes me feel more submissive to my partner. I gave him control over my pleasure and release (this was completely my idea, btw. He’s doing it because I wanted it). He can have me do anything he feels like, he can do to me anything he wants. He fucks me as often as he likes, and I’m always very wet and very eager for it. His orgasms feel awesome to me. I want to give him pleasure, all the time. He usually cums almost every day during a denial session, and I love it. The seeming unfairness of it is a huge part of the fun for me.

And of course, my eventual orgasm at the end of the session is absolutely spectacular. I cum and cum and cum for what seems like forever. I suspect it’s actually several orgasms in a row. It is so much stronger and way more pleasure after a denial session than it normally is.

It’s not for everybody. I understand that many people would find it just frustrating, and not in a good way. I hope my answer helped you understand a little bit why I’m into it.

Edit: no, he does not have a blog.

Sir my pussy is stuffed i gave it ten thrusts to really get me horny for it. How long should I leave it this way?

You can leave a pussy stuffed quite a long time as long as what you’ve put in there is clean and not irritating or damaging. So the simple answer is as long as it feels good. 

But if you’re new to this, try it for an hour tops and slide out whatever you put in there (revel in how empty you feel, it’s quite the sensation) and then give yourself a break where you leave it empty and make sure it’s okay. 

Then next time, you can try it for longer!

I’m just realizing I might have sent an ask before that wasn’t anonymous, would you please make sure my URL isn’t included if you publish it to the blog? Thank you, sorry for the trouble! ~Cecilia

Don’t worry Cecilia, it came through anonymous – plus if I’m ever in doubt, e.g. a named ask comes from someone with a very vanilla looking blog, I’ll always check with you directly first.

I think it’s so nice and considerate of u to be so supportive with ppl who share their experiences and ask for advice. You don’t have to answer everyone’s questions, but you do it anyway and I really respect that kind of genuine niceness. Thanks for going out of ur way. 👏

Thank you, I wish I could answer everyone’s questions, but sadly don’t have the time. So I try to pick the ones that I haven’t answered before or I think will be most helpful to the most number of readers. But I still fail miserably, my inbox numbers in the thousands…

Hiya James, quick question. In your experience/opinion, do you think it’s possible to go into subspace if you’re sexting with somebody, but having a scene kind of thing? Basically, me and my partner are in an LDR, and we organised a humiliation scene, and I think I went into subspace… (I never have before so I’m not entirely certain).

Yes, absolutely I’ve seen and made it happen multiple times. Sounds like a good thing in terms of if you’re getting that into it and feeling that comfortable with them then they are probably doing things well.

It’s definitely something the two of you need to talk about as you’ll respond differently when in subspace, be less able to give coherent, considered responses and use things like safewords, so they’ll want to talk it through and make sure they are being extra careful looking after you if you’re learning to slip into that place.

A little warning though, as lovely an experience as subspace is, don’t chase it too hard. When it happens that’s lovely, but don’t make it the sole aim of your play together – it’s a common mistake I see some subs do, ‘chasing’ subspace, and if you’re not careful it takes the shine off everything else you do, which would be a shame.

I hope that helps,


female 20 here, I’m very new to all of this denial stuff and was wondering if you answered questions over message?

Very happy to, just be aware I’ve had lots of messages since offering the ‘Good Girl Challenge’ so it may take me a while to reply. I just found a couple of those I’d missed, bless them, but I think I got to all the ones who’d written to me and met the criteria (if not shout at me).

Also if it’s something that I think would be of interest to others I might ask you if I could repost it anonymously to the blog.

Also, please do look through the blog and use the search function. I know there’s loads of posts but I tag lots of the stuff I answer and the search function, well it’s not awful.


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Hey James! So recently a gay magazine in the UK has added K for kink to the acronym that is LGBTQIA+. There has been a lot of backlash. I would love to hear your thoughts on this, if you have any. Also, please forgive my spelling and grammar, I tried, but I’m dyslexic. So no promises. -ek

Hi ek!

Well clearly it’s a bad idea.

LGBTQIA doesn’t need another consonant, it needs more vowels to make some kind of pronounceable word.

You really think gay press would be more media savvy. You can’t just keep adding letters, unless you make it A WORD.

With the current set the best I could come up with was:

BLATQIG or GLIBTAQ – they don’t really roll of the tongue though.


Hmm, I don’t think it’s going to catch on.

But I think we have a solution!

You see if we add an ‘O’ for Others, which really is even more inclusive so it must be good right, we are able to get:

BIGOTLAQ which is almost a real word but actual really pertinent (bigot lack, get it?) (yes I am a genuis, you saw it here first)


This could be big guys, I think we’re on the verge of something great. But I’m open to other suggestions of ways to improve it in the notes, although none will be as good as this one, I’m telling you now.

Just in case I misunderstood the debate and the OP was asking about whether Kink should be included in the same category as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, intersex and asexual or ‘allied’ then nope, it’s a stupid idea. Kink is a completely different class of category, that can apply to all or none of the above, and needs to be pushed as something everyone can explore, not suddenly turned into an exclusive definition. 


So there you have it,

BIGOTLAQ – you saw it here first!



BIGOTLAQ™ is now a (nearly) registered trademark of James and if you use it you are going to be hunted down by a cat with a golden gun).