Tag : ask

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this is kind of a personal and odd question for me, but do breasts become bigger while edging? i’ve just sort of noticed that after 3 days and they’re a little sore too even though i haven’t been playing with them. thank you!

Damn how did I miss this question, it’s so great. You’re not the first to ask this, I’ve had a number, not lots, but four or five women think edging might make their breasts bigger. So if I were asking Keri about this myth and she weren’t busy…

…doing that. Then I think we’d have to give it a definite:

I mean they definitely change size according to where you are in your menstrual cycle and I speak from experience saying they can change A LOT during pregnancy (fun times), so the fact that when edging we’re getting lots of arousal hormones in your system and not relieving them could definitely have an effect.

You know what though. For some of you just the thought of this will drive you crazy. The idea that by being a good girl, and edging, your tits might grow, but if you cum it’ll all be undone. What a mind fuck. 

Even more so for those of you with a particular kink, that being teased about your breast size turns you on. This is way more common than you’d think (as is cock size teasing in guys, very popular kink).

For them the idea of someone whispering, ‘no, you can’t cum, you know why, they aren’t big enough’ will drive them crazy. ‘Maybe if you edge enough they’ll grow, and I’ll let you.’

Congratulations, if you just got wet you’ve got a breast size teasing kink. Now go and enjoy it.

So yes OP, sore boobs, or bigger boobs from edging, plausible. But hot?

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I’m trying to tease a boy who hasn’t cum in 9 days. I can have him touch and tease himself however I want for another 6 days and then I’m going to tease him in person. Wanted some advice on how to drive him crazy, since he’s hard to edge in person. If I can get him to beg to cum I win a stuffie, so any help is appreciated

Well anon, as we know from fairgrounds people will do all kinds of things for a stuffie, so let’s see what we can get up to.

Long distance teasing

So first of all is what you can achieve before you get there, with your messages. We cannot get enough of hearing how horny you are. Like really, if we’re into you that shit is like a drug. So anything saying how hot denying him has got you will be great, stuff like:

  • I think I dreamt of you last night, I woke up so wet
  • I get so turned on thinking of how horny you are
  • I can’t stop touching myself thinking about how full your balls must be getting
  • and basically any combo of words that suggests you’re horny, wet, or touching yourself will never fail.

Secondly getting him touching in more creative ways is a winner. 

So making him do it while you’re chatting is always hot. BUT also try the reverse, that he has to ask to be allowed to touch, and when he does, tell him what you want him doing.

Speaking of which, don’t just let him wank normally. Try things like:

  • Humping his cock between a pillow and mattress (don’t just hump the bed as it can actually do some damage
  • Lubing the inside of a condom and wanking that
  • Doing it somewhere different like another room or even where he might get caught
  • Giving him a certain number of strokes before he has to stop
  • Watching porn you choose

Finally make sure he’s thinking about what might happen when you do get to him in person. When he’s edging make HIM share fantasies of what might go on, see what he’ll admit. The best things to mess with him are the stuff he shares, as you know it’s going to hit home.

I personally always like to leave the idea that maybe he won’t even cum when you’re there as an option. The biggest mindfuck early on with denial is that moment you COULD cum, but you’re given the option to choose to be denied longer. So, so good.

Oh actually, lastly, if you like this so much, just see how desperate he gets if you lock up his cock in a cage… Try suggesting it beforehand, they’re so cheap on ebay for a CB6000S copy.

In person teasing

So number one, take your time! You’ve built up all this desire, don’t go wasting it in minutes or hours. If I’ve been playing a game like this with my wife, which we’ll often do in anticipation of a sexy weekend away, we generally try not to let me cum for the entire first day so I’m on a denial high (which gets me extra dominant which she adores). We’ve even enforced this with me in a cock cage which was ridiculously hot.

So yes, absolutely no rush, tease, touch, flirt. A big part of this is planning how you look. Pick something that will take his breath away. Be confident, the desire in his eyes will be the biggest confidence boost you can imagine.

Make lots of eye contact, and physical contact. His body will be like a wound up spring, wind him up even more. For most guys in that state our nipples are like lightning rods for desire, so see how he reacts to you stroking across them. When my wife wants to show me she’s in the mood in public her go to move is hugging me from behind with a secret nipple rub. Works every time. Kissing, his mouth and neck are also very powerful. Really, if it turns you on then it will probably turn him on.

I’d play games with a submissive classic too. Some point early on I’d have him sitting, get him to take his pants off, then kneel between his legs. As this point mention you’re not even sure you’re going to let him cum today, just to mess with him (maybe) and have a squeeze of his balls through his undies, making some comment about their fullness, and adding they could be fuller.

Then, get him to get it out, he’s so expecting you to play, or suck him now. So don’t. Chat to him, about it, about how it’s felt, with his cock out, not even touching it. This is your first good chance to make him beg. Not beg to cum, just beg to have you play, to stroke, to kiss it, to suck it. Whether he does or not. Don’t, not yet.

‘I think you need more practise begging before I do anything like that’ you can tell him. But admit how horny it’s got you.

So switch next, him between YOUR legs ‘ Show me how desperate you are, and don’t you touch that fucking cock is that clear?’ will drive him NUTS.

Hopefully he’ll make you cum, although an edge will keep you meaner, you decide. Either way ‘a few more of those today and I might start being persuaded’ is how you finish that.

And then, well I’d keep him naked, or at least keep his cock out – maybe tie a hairband or cock ring around it to keep it hard (don’t leave it on too long). No touching allowed of course.

You being dressed, him not is also a powerful turn on in this scenario. Some snuggling up like that, with a movie perhaps, where you just play with his nipples and occasionally brush over his cock but mostly his thighs and massaging his balls sometimes will work well.

If you fancy it you could put on some porn too. Put on some of your favourites and have him rub you as you watch. Get him to share what he watches too, and whisper can he imagine having a girl blow him while he watched. He can now.  Of course it’ll need more orgasms and begging if he ever hopes to have it happen.

At this point, if you want to work towards a grand finale, I’d be tying him up. Whatever his kink preference, dom, switch, sub, anything, that power exchange is always exciting (safewords in place of course). 

Old leggings work great if you don’t have anything else, or your back up can be just he puts his hands under his bottom and if they come out, you stop.

Either way, TAKE YOUR TIME. Get some good lube, not spit, nothing water based. Silicone lube is the way to go for a long, teasing wank. Although this ‘Release’ lube from Lovehoney is AMAZING for handjobs (and on the UK site you can get three of them for £15 plus 20% off this weekend.

If you need to learn how close he is, get him to give you numbers from one to ten where ten would be cumming.

Promise if he goes over without permission you’re going to ruin it, then Post Orgasm Torture him by rubbing his super sensitive cock with all the cum he just wasted – that might put him off.

But try not to let him go over. Get him to beg, truly beg. Get him to admit his fantasies as you edge him, how much he’s loved you doing this, how he can’t stop thinking about you caging his cock or whatever else you’ve put in his mind.

And then, when he’s right on the edge, slow down, and ask

‘So you decide… which should I do, let you cum, ruin you, or just keep you denied?’

You might be surprised at his answer.

I hope that helps, fun to write a male denial answer. As you can see, most of this can just be switched around for a woman, so I hope it’s useful for everyone.

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Just a tip for people buying off lovehoney, if you can afford it buy the womanizer starlet. Omg hands down the best toy ever! My boyfriend uses it to drive me wild and it takes seconds to build up. Also if you sign up to their daily deals they send amazing offers

I do hear good things about them but fuck me, who picked that god-awful name!

Clueless boss:‘Oh yes, our target is professional liberal sex toy enjoying women, any name suggestions?’

Neanderthal marketing man: ‘Well she’s a woman right, so we could call it a ‘womanizer ‘cos it like does a woman!’

Dickhead boss: ‘Brilliant, I love it, the Womanizer it is!’

Other brands are DEFINITELY available, but annoyingly the womanizer is still one of the best. Lovehoney have been smart and rebranded it as ‘Desire’, oh and it’s purple, I’m in!

Lovehoney Clit Suction Vibes

Then again you could just grab a lover or even a good friend and suggest you practise this:


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Do you happen to know any blogs similar to yours, but more lesbian-centric? Don’t get me wrong, I love your blog, guy’s just don’t do anything for me

Well guys don’t do anything for me either so we have that in common.

I don’t know of any actually, but I often think what a great lesbian I’d be, so give me some tips on how I can improve the blog for you. (The upcoming survey will be a great way to giev feedback)


I’m sure followers can suggest some other blogs in the notes though.

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What do you think of COMPLETE denial, like removing the clit or labia so the girl feels no pleasure whatsoever?

If it’s a fantasy, sure fill your boots, you’re allowed to get yourself off on whatever takes your fancy – I’ve done a few infibulation posts which borders on that. But in reality, horrific and a daily reality for many women who have suffered from Female Genital Mutilation – which remains one of the most wicked and disgusting practises a culture can impose upon its women.

I was watching the scene in The Handmaid’s Tale recently where the woman has this done to her and I actually cried.

So there you go, that’s what I think.

Hi James! First, I just have to say that I am in love with your blog. Not only is it incredibly arousing, but you are so genuine and truly knowledgeable about this topic. I just wanted to tell you that! I’m also curious—and by no means do you have to answer this if it’s too personal—but I am curious about the relationship that you and your wife have. Is she also interested in denial? What is your sex life like? Sincerely, Carrie

Hi Carrie, not too personal at all!

She’s the one who really got me exploring denial as while we were somewhat kinky when we got married (we got married pretty early) I wanted to bring her sex drive up to the level of mine (which is just stupid high) and so denying her was by far the most fun and effective way of doing that.

We’ve got much more flexible it as time’s gone on, we explore mutual denial (so if we’re going away for a dirty weekend we’ll tease the fuck out of each other for at least a week to build up to it, so much fun) and she completely loves locking my cock up and driving me crazy when she’s in the mood. We have four way restraints permanently attached to our bed 😀

As for how our sex life is, pretty damn great. But that’s not always been the case. Like almost any long term relationship it has it’s ups and downs. The first five years of having kids were just brutal on our sex life – we’d be lucky if we got up to anything for weeks at points.

But, thank god, we’re out the other side of that and they’re old enough to not need nearly so much input, and so we’ve worked really hard to get our sex life not just back on track the last few years, but even better.

There was a report just this week on how often people are having sex

We fucking blow that chart out of the water – we’d have sex, of some kind, most days. Now some of those are just some edging, or a quickie, and others are four hour sessions with some seriously kinky shit going on, but denial is still a massive part of that, because it encourages us to be intimate basically every day, and we’re basically like horny teenagers whenever we get the chance.

But it takes ongoing effort, just as important as denial is the fact we have a date night every week, we book regular ‘dirty weekends’ away, we’re both willing to try pretty much anything twice, and we work hard on the romance side too. Plus we take keeping fit seriously as trust me folks, good sex requires you to be fit.

This is why I especially love hearing from couples who are exploring denial, as for us it’s been the lynch-pin of keeping our sex life healthy, happy and varied.

Tease and Denial – the secret ingredient to a happy, kinky marriage.

Please James, Sir, help me… Im such a slut and I need correct guidance. Edging makes me horny, ruined rgasms makes me horny, no-touch makes me horny, I don’t know what to do, in what order or how much of each anymore.. should I edge or ruin or no touch????!!! I’m sorry sir I’m such a slut.

I want 6 edges one day, no touch the next. I mean fucking strict no touch, not even a finger on your pussy all day long. I want cobwebs on it by the end of the day!

If you manage this regime, for ten whole days, you may ruin an orgasm on the last night.If you fail to do all your edges (the must all be separate times of the day) or you touch on a no touch day then you start from day 1 again.

Good girl

I know this is likely not the way you meant it, but your definition of no longer being a virgin only once you have a penis in your vagina doesn’t really allow for the loss of virginity in same sex couples. I personally think you’re no longer a virgin once you’ve had a mutually consensual and satisfying sexual experience with someone else. But I think that virginity is something that you have to define for yourself since there’s so much debate about what does or doesn’t qualify as losing it

Did… did you actually read the rest of the post before you sent me this? The bit where I explicitly stated I wasn’t sure what counted for lesbian couples? And then where I posted to other resources that define it pretty much exactly as you did, ‘whatever you decide it means for you’? I like your definition though.

But you’re right, I should have included ‘in your ass’ for gay guys, as that definitely counts. 

The whole debate about ‘does anal lose your virginity’ for hetro couples though is a totally fascinating debate. I start to think about it then get too amused at the thought of good girls taking it in the ass to preserve their ‘chastity’ to be able to come to a conclusion. (If this is you, please, write and tell me about it).

I do love feedback but at least read the rest of the post before you send me stuff… The question was specifically about penetration, and the worry that virginity could be lost by fingering or using toys. The point was, it can’t, it’s conceptual, not physical, and has to be a sexual act with someone else.

So just to be clear, there is nothing you can do to yourself when masturbating that would cause you to lose your virginity. So edge away my little virgin denial sluts, your innocence is safe with me…

Hello there! I found your tumblr just yesterday and the denial thing got me so interested I decided to give it a go. After a little bit of reading I opted for 4 edges a day, to see how and if I’m even going to like it. Not gonna lie, I’ve never been the disciplined one, so that’s quite challenging :) Do you think spinning the Wheel Of Denial between the edges is a good idea for a beginner? I was thinking it could spice things up a little bit. ~Butterfly

Hi Butterfly!

Hmm, I think four edges is probably quite enough to keep you busy. Maybe use the wheel as part of one or two of those to give you some ideas but for now just have fun with it, try not to overthink and work out what feels best for you.