Suffering for pleasure
Some days are just the worst. The days that my arousal gets the better of me and makes me so fucking needy. Those are the days I suffer. But it’s suffering I greatly enjoy.
Let me put it this way. My brain rarely ever shuts down. I’m constantly overthinking, second-guessing and self-doubting. I’m very critical of everything I do and say. And any day like that is suffering. True suffering.
So I’m glad to have denial. I’m blessed it can turn my brain off for just a second and that I can be turned into this pathetic, dripping, desperate fucktoy with just a few words. The right words that allow me to stop thinking and just focus on feeling for once. Because that’s something I’ve been told over and over again. I think too much. I feel too little.
But denial is all feeling for me. Feeling desperate. Feeling needy. Feeling safe. It fills my head with all these feelings of arousal and excitement that there’s no place for anything else.
And God, am I happy on a day like this to be a denialslut.
I haven’t realized until now that since im doing denial, instead of overthinking everything my thoughts are revolving much more about having something between my legs. 🙈
Exactly this 🙂 Or on how I can get something between my legs.
Beautifully expressed as usual by Lizzy.
That ability to ‘switch your brain off’ is such an important part of denial for so many.