So I’m a woman and always had no problems in coming on my own, though only by touching my clit, but I’ve never come while having sex with someone. It just doesn’t happen, I had a few times that famous ‘gotta pee’ sensation so I guess my G spot works, but I never came. I like playing with orgasm denial on my own, and I’d like to extend it to other situations as well but it’s no use if I’m not able to come in the first place. Any advice? And thanks for your Tumblr, it’s amazing!

Hi Anon, thanks for the compliments and the interesting question.

First let’s clear up that the majority of women, about 70% most estimates say, don’t cum from just being fucked. Penetration alone just isn’t enough. So while you’ve had some success with g-spot penetration, which is encouraging, that’s pretty normal, to not orgasm from it.

The real trick is your partner knowing what they are doing and getting you to the point, mostly through foreplay, where you are already right on the edge of cumming, and then the actual penetrative sex being enough to take you over the edge. So that’s basically a combination of mental arousal through the way they act and the things they say to you, plus great foreplay – breast stimulation, fingering, masturbation and cunnilingus. The fingering, or dildo play being key to get your g-spot really receptive to stimulation from being fucked.

Option one is teaching your partner to up their skills so that you’re so close enough when they actually get to the fucking part to have you cum.

To make that more successful you should also be concentrating on fucking yourself. Buy a good dildo and or g-spot vibe. Make fucking yourself a key part of most of your edging sessions. If you can learn to take yourself over from internal stimulation then it massively increases your chances of it happening with someone else.

But, there’s another option. Which is deliberately NOT teach them better sex skills. You don’t have to be able to cum from sex to enjoy being denied during it. It’s all about how you frame it in your mind.

This is advice I give a lot to kinky wives who message me asking for advice about what to do about their vanilla husbands. Yes in time they might be able to get him to up his skills and get more dom, but they can enjoy things even now if they just frame it differently in their heads. If they decide or are told they are not ALLOWED to cum from having sex suddenly the whole situation is turned around. 

Combined with regular private edging, sex suddenly becomes a delicious torture where you watch them take pleasure in you without you getting the release you crave. If you want to get really twisted about it you can even fake cumming so they definitely won’t make any more effort, and it’s such a mind fuck to pretend to have the pleasure you are so desperate for. 

Or even more… imagine his delight when you convince him to have anal, and it turns out you cum from it every single time. It’s a miracle. I bet he can’t wait to tell all his friends.

So my point is, don’t worry about it. Try changing things and see if you can cum after more foreplay, sure. But the route to definite success is actually changing your mindset, from ‘I can’t cum from penetration’ to ‘I’m never allowed to cum from penetration’ – if you’re horny and desperate enough from your own edging then that suddenly becomes something thrilling to look forward to, and not a source of disappointment.

I hope that helps, let us know how you got on!

James

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