So, about a month ago I had an email from someone who’d read this blog:
Hello. I’ve been browsing your blog for a decent amount of time, but I’ve always been one of those girls who just gets off to it, and doesn’t actually “follow.” I’ve tried denial a few times on my own and it’s gone pretty…horribly. This has been a fantasy of mine for so long, and I really want to make a serious attempt at it. What I really need is someone to deny me, as my self-discipline is kinda lacking, plus it turns me on way more >.<. However, I know you’re a busy guy, especially nearing 4k followers (congratz for that) and your cyber monday offer is long over. I was wondering if you could help introduce me to denial, or if not, if you knew a good place to find someone who could? Unfortunately no one in my every day life is into this. It would be great if you could help me along, and I would be happy to include more information about myself. 🙂 So…Thank you for your time, and I hope I hear back from you ^-^
Articulate, polite, demonstrating knowledge from the blog and considerate of my time – pretty much a perfect introduction. So, she did hear back from me, and we got chatting and found we really hit it off, and so I agreed to help her with denial.
Now something I get those I’m denying to do is keep a journal of their experiences. It’s so easy to forget all the things you’ve been through as one thing after another happens to you. It’s something that we share in a private tumblr so that I’m able to get an insight into what you’re experiencing and help to shape what I have you do.
As it turns out, Snowflake, which for reasons I won’t go into now, has become her nickname and pen name for this blog, well it turns out she is a most talented little blogger. In fact I’ve been so impressed that I asked her if I could share some edited extracts from what she writes, because I think followers from the blog will enjoy and learn from her experience.
This first journal entry was written about a week after we first met and her denial had begun. At first she’d been nervous about sharing it, but once she had I made her read it again and again as she edged herself.
‘The unexamined life is not worth living’ – Socrates
Journal Entry #1 (the titles improve, trust me)
I’m loving this – Probably more than I should. James is great…Beautifully mean, and nice; sometimes at the same time. I haven’t been edging 5 times a day, so I guess right now I’m still in easy mode, but it’s already hard. I’m starting to find myself really horny for no reason, and that comes with rather conflicted feelings. I want to touch myself, I want to rub my clit and fuck myself over and over again. But, I know that I can’t come, and that’s really what I’m craving. I’m starting to notice that watching girls orgasm via porn is making me really horny. I sit there watching it, wishing so badly it was me. Yet, despite how much I want it, I love it when he says no. That’s enough for now. Hands to your tits. It brings on a huge rush of excitement and disappointment.
As much as I want to cum, I also don’t. I want to be needy, dripping, wanting, always turned on. However, the punishment is also exciting. There are times when I think about purposefully coming, just to see what he would do. I haven’t built up the balls to try it yet, though.
With everything else, I still hold my reservations. I’m slowly warming up, and becoming more comfortable, and as I am, it’s becoming so much better. There are still things that concern me, and other things that I’m surprisingly finding that I love. Like today, James had me smacking my pussy, something I had read plenty of times on his blog, but would never have tried before this. When I did though, it made me so fucking horny. It hurt, but I still loved it. As always, bittersweet. Stuffing myself with panties is something that I still have reservations about, but, I’ve been liking it. It feels like one of those things that just takes time to get comfortable with. But, I still stuff when I’m told to. I’ve been thinking about buying a vibrator… But I’m nervous. God knows the kind of torture James will bring on me with that thing.
So, yes. James, hopefully you never persuade me into letting you read this… Though considering how good you’ve been at persuading me so far, I wouldn’t be shocked.
What a beautifully ironic end to her first entry given thousands of you are now reading it too. I really must be persuasive!
I hope you enjoyed it, there’s lots more which I’ll be posting regularly. I’m sure she’d really appreciate any feedback and encouragement you can post in notes or to me in a message and I’ll pass it on.