I really didn’t want to write this right now, as I’m very VERY horny, but fuck it. This is turning out to be such an amazingly horrific love-hate experience. I’m so conflicted, as I’ve never really felt anything like this in my life. I want to cum so badly…Even sitting here, not having touched myself for hours, I want to come. But, I love the way I feel. Aching and denied, constantly wanting more, but hearing you say ‘no’ anyways. Then there’s the inexplainable need of wanting to make you proud, happy…To not disappoint you. I still have yet to figure out why I feel that way, as I really don’t understand it in the slightest. Earlier, when you suggested I can’t come, as opposed to I won’t come, I wasn’t too sure. Now…I don’t know. It’s a feeling that coming wouldn’t be right unless I had permission. Once again, why the hell do I feel that way?! Very confusing, for me, at least. You’re probably sitting there reading this, all smug at how much of a frustrated slut I’ve become.
Toys. Still excited. Far too excited. I just want them to get here already. I keep closing my eyes and imagining what the dildo will feel like sliding in and out of my denied cunt. I want to feel that so badly…Even if I can’t cum. Half tempted to go grab one of the 5 items you made me get this morning and fuck myself with it, but I’m not sure if you would like that. 😡 Actually, now that I’ve actually typed that out, it sounds splendid. Needed something to fill up my evening anyways.
A bit of a confession here. When we started talking, and you told me to edge 20 times in that single day…I hated it. Was too shy to say it then, granted, I’m still shy, but now feel comfortable enough to come out and tell you that it was horrible. Not horrible like my deliciously wet and throbbing clit right now, but horrible like…bad. It just felt like too much in one day. The idea and fantasy still turned me on, but in reality, it was a huge turn off. After a while, it started to feel like a task I needed to complete, and I just became overwhelmed and stressed out. Just thought I would let you know that it was a rather unpleasant thing. But being able to cum at the end… Oh god, it was so great. That was the last time I actually came. T_T And I wasn’t all worried about what you would do or say or think. It feels like that was ages ago, but I know it wasn’t. Good lord, what have you done to me?!
I’m genuinely curious about something. A quick tangent – Sorry if I’m posing too many questions here, but it feels like so often when we’re talking, I’m on my knees edging for you, so it’s sometimes easier to just get everything out here… Anyways. I was casually browsing your blog archives (did not help with my horniness, in case you were curious) and it seems that every time some anon asks you for her first time denial instructions its super softcore. Like edging a few times in one sitting, then coming. You wrote it, I’m sure you know what I’m talking about. And I know I already posed this to you once, and you told me, “You’re mine to do with as I please /insert more hot stuff here.” (I love that. Please continue using me as your horny denied slut…sub..? Not yet? Okay.) But what I was wondering is if this is normal? I mean do anons just get to cum endlessly during the first week or so, and those you actually take on to deny are made to suffer? Please explain to me why I haven’t come in 11 days. <— You’re going to give me the “You’re mine” answer again, aren’t you? (what a prick. <3)
Last thing, before I bore you to death. Today, I had this very fleeting thought that seemed..somewhat odd to me. I was just laying in bed, thinking about how badly I want to cum, but then realized that I didn’t. It was a feeling of not even wanting to orgasm, just for the fear of throwing away all this yummy progress. Just for a few short seconds, it was this pretty intense feeling of 100% loving how you’re making me more than anything else, and wanting you to push me harder so I’m just this mindless slut to do with as you please. Caged bird. Obviously I like denial, but it was a very intense and different thought for me – Just wanting to throw away orgasms in favor of denial. Hm. Honestly, I don’t really remember much of what I just wrote. It seems as if my brain has just been going a million miles a minute lately. The past few days have been so intense, and it’s like something changed..or clicked overnight, and all of a sudden, everything became very real.