So…I’ve been sitting here for like 20 minutes trying to sort out my thoughts. Today was..Intense. But I loved all of it. The pegs on the nipples, cleaning the house naked, or at least semi naked..Being told what to do, what to wear. All of it was so hot. It’s so strange to look back at it a few hours later. It almost feels surreal. The things that you’re making me do are things that I’ve been fantasizing about for years. I didn’t even really believe I was capable of doing all this. When I sent you that email, at most, I was expecting some light and casual denial and maybe a little punishment here and there. You really do exceed expectations.
You’re introducing me to all these new things, and I don’t really understand why I’m so open to them, when before this, I would’ve flipped my shit had someone proposed it to me. I suppose you just make me feel safe when trying all of these things. I can’t pinpoint exactly what it is, but you remove a lot of my trepidation, and I like that. All of this makes me very excited for what you may have me do down the line.
Okay, and I would LOVE to be the photo for a caption. There. I said it. Er, still struggle with saying things like that while you’re actually present, but I hope you’re happy. 😛 Really, though. That is something that I would really like to do. Funny, it used to be the other way around – the last thing that I wanted to happen with my pictures were for them to end up online, haha.
Now this part I’m really struggling to come up with words for, and really didn’t want to add in here, because god knows you’ll make some comment on it no matter how much I try to dissuade you from doing so. The camming. It’s something that I REALLY want to do, and something that turns me on a lot, but I’m also very hesitant. Just sat there for another 10 minutes trying to think of how to say this without it sounding like some clichéd bullshit. It probably will anyways (sorry, lol.) Obviously I’m not the embodiment of perfection or anything, and do have flaws. I guess it’s hard to get past the irrational thoughts of all the negative things I imagine another person thinking about me. That train of thought tends to be even more dominant with intimate things… Hm, I suppose I start thinking like, “Okay, I have all these flaws that I try very carefully to hide, and once this person discovers them, how much is their opinion of me going to fall?” I’m sure it’s stupid and irrational, but it’s still kind of there in a lot of the things I do. So, now that I’ve splattered my crazy all over this blog, I’m going to go sleep.. Once again, YOU DO NOT NEED TO ADDRESS THIS (just waiting to be ignored.)
PS: I felt bad that I’ve just been putting whiney, mopey shit in here, so I thought I would include some fantasies or something. Got sidetracked and found erotica I wrote when I was like 15… Back then edging/denial were just really loose fantasies in my head, and I really didn’t understand it, and was really more focused on bondage at the time. Needless to say, I was very surprised when I found some full on hardcore denial story, that I don’t even remember writing. Just thought I’d add that in here, as it made me pretty happy. 🙂