Besides whining about the American postal system (a national past time of you Yanks I understand) today’s post needs a little explanation. Like a lot of people, Snowflake sometimes battles with anxiety, and we had an interesting experience where the attempt to try panty stuffing really triggered that – hence the ‘panic-attack panties’ you read about below.
Will USPS deliver her sex toys… gosh this is getting exciting now.
And it’s wearing thin. How hard is it to deliver a package on time?! The US is holding my orgasm hostage. What cunts. The worst part is, once it does finally get here, you’re going to be asleep, and I’m going to have to sit there staring at that damn box for another 12 hours, waiting. I’m not sure if I have the self-discipline for this. 😡
So, the panic-attack panties (as I’ve dubbed them) were an unpleasant surprise today. I really have no idea what brought it on, or why I reacted in such a way. But, of course, you responded brilliantly. Managing to avoid making me feel guilty, but also not reaffirming the horrible self pity bullshit I was slipping into, a mistake that many make. I’m not really sure what your thoughts are regarding this, but in case it was unclear, I 100% want to continue trying this. Maybe next time I’ll just approach it with a bit more trepidation. Regardless, it seems like amazing fun and well…Anything to make the wet slut even wetter, right?
I decided to do some light internet research earlier, and it was actually really enlightening. Reading about experiences from the view point of various subs/doms was so helpful. I don’t have anyone in my life (with you as the exception, of course) to talk about this with. Which, I’m perfectly fine with; this isn’t the kind of thing I’m too keen with talking about. But, when I read some of the stories, or blogs…/whatever, it was a huge relief. I’ve been feeling and thinking a lot of unfamiliar and ‘abstract’ things that I didn’t really understand, nor did I know how to put into words. I read so many things tonight, and immediately said, “OH! That’s exactly what it is” or something to that extent. I suppose it just makes me feel better being able to relate to *some* of the things I see being said, and not feeling like a freak for feeling this way. Even though a lot of what I read wasn’t really applicable to our ‘situation’ it was still quite a joy to read. 🙂
A lot of this still seems surreal, and I find myself pondering when that feeling will finally dissipate. I think back to some of the things we have done so far, and then I look at myself wearing clothes I’ve had since the 8th grade with a fucking bow stuck in my hair, and I wonder how on earth I did those things. I swear, it’s like two completely different people (at least that’s how it feels.) Still, the fact that I have done these things overwhelms me with excitement. You fulfill a lot of fantasies, and often times go far beyond them, and I never thought I would be in a position to experience that. ANYWAYS, I think I’ve reached the limit for how many times I can express how excited and happy this makes me – So, I will stop with that now.
Alright, adding on to the panic-attack panties… I guess I do know where part of the anxiety stems from. As far as why stuffing panties into myself made me anxious, I have no clue. That’s weird as fuck, and I definitely don’t have some phobia surrounding that. But, when that anxiety started to set in, I felt so massively torn between not disappointing you, and doing what made me comfortable. I guess it was just a feeling of being trapped. Thankfully you went on to reassure me that I did the right thing, and that horrible aching guilt quickly subsided. 🙂 I won’t be surprised if you message me tomorrow telling me about how you ‘already knew this.’ >_>…
Fingers crossed that my toys get here tomorrow. I’m just praying that you don’t ask me whether I want to come, or be denied. I almost feel like I shouldn’t put this in here, for fear of jinxing it. I already know what my answer would be…Seriously please don’t do that. Please. PLEASE. Really. I mean it this time. T_