Well very valid for us, we’ve got past the point of our kids being ‘young’ now but it’s not far past.

A few things worked for us. Firstly, we stopped. With our first one the shock to our systems, lack of sleep, and all that becoming parents involves meant we pretty much put sex on hold for a while, let alone being kinky. Then just as we started getting back into things, number two arrives. Great. But yes, the reality was that first time around, we just put it all on hold, kept talking about it though, so neither felt it wasn’t a choice for us both, and that was fine, just a stage of life.

Second time around though we made more of a conscious choice to try getting kinky again faster and actually some mutual edging together in bed, in the few moment we had to ourselves, was really good for building back intimacy. That then built to her having more time edging in the bath and shower – the bath especially. I’d send her hot Tumblr posts and she’d come to bed all edged up and ready for anything. But apart from the shower ones, I don’t think we got her doing morning edges again until the kids were old enough to not be visiting during the night. And that’s fine. Life changes, we need to adapt with it and enjoy the things we can do, not mourn the things we can’t, for a while.

A major bit of advice though was get a lock on your bedroom door. Of course it’s fine for them to come to you, but you need the peace of mind you aren’t going to get caught, either solo or as a couple. So a little lock that you slide across gives you that absolute certainty you’ll have the time you need to sort yourself out and then go see to them. if you can’t put a lock on it then get a door wedge and shove that under your side of the door, that’s just as good.

The bonus we found was when our little ones found our door was locked, and we’d explained, ‘Mummy and daddy were having some private time, but we’ll always come and help you, just knock’ they were totally cool with that, AND nighttime visits massively dropped off, it just gave them a little motivation to sort themselves out, which if they always have unrestricted access they’ll never need to find.

I personally do think it’s good to keep kids out of your bed apart from special occasions, e.g. either they are sick, or all snuggled up for a rare evening together watching a late movie or something. I’ve always been strict on it, and while we didn’t have much sex or kinky stuff in those early times, because we were just exhausted, we still had that all important place for the two of us to be together and connect, which is important not only for you, but for the kids to see as a solid foundation in their parent’s relationship.

I hope that helps,

James

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