POST-ORGASM SHAME: A Brief Essay
I think everyone is familiar with the experience of post-orgasm shame. Today I’d like to talk a little bit about it and suggest some ways that you can prevent it from ruining your personal sexual gratification.
Post-orgasm shame is a common phenomenon whereby your head completely clears after you climax. Your mind goes from the gooey soupy mess of arousal to rapidly re-forming into its logical, reasonable state. You suddenly become aware of how kinky or taboo your thoughts were, and you feel full of guilt and embarrassment.
There are a lot of reactions you might have to this sudden onset of shame. You might uninstall the Tumblr app, for instance, or you might throw away the toys or clothes you bought especially for these kinds of masterbation sessions. You might even completely delete your blog and swear that you’ll never get off to that kind of twisted stuff again.
Only… you always come back. Sometimes it takes weeks, sometimes it takes a couple of days, sometimes it’s only a few hours between saying, “I’m done with that forever,” and, “One more time couldn’t hurt…”
It can be confusing and stressful to go through these cycles over and over again, and I personally don’t think it is good for your mental health. So I’ve come up with some tips to help you cope, ranging from mild to extreme in nature.
Method 1: Occupy Yourself with Something Else IMMEDIATELY
Post-orgasm shame is at its strongest immediately after you climax, so the best way to cope in the short-term is to remove yourself from a position where you could do something you might regret.
As soon as you are finished your orgasm, drop your phone, or close your laptop, or get up from the computer chair. Go into the bathroom and brush your teeth. Or head to the kitchen and make some food. Or grab your coat and take a walk.
If you stay in the spot you orgasmed, still holding your phone or looking at your computer screen, you have a MUCH higher chance of deleting your blog, or deactivating your Reddit account, or uninstalling Kik, or otherwise sabotaging your masterbation methods.
So to combat this, just get up and go do something else. By the time you’re done, your mind will be closer to its usual headspace and you won’t be as likely to go on a purge.
Method 2: You Can’t Have Post-orgasm Shame if You Never Orgasm
This concept is simple to grasp, but difficult to execute. Essentially, if you stop having orgasms you stop feeling that sudden drop in mood.
Edging is your friend here. If you want to try this method, you need to learn to love being horny. It takes a lot of willpower to play with yourself and stop short of climaxing every time.
However, there are a lot of added benefits. If you don’t cum when masturbating, it will make every touch exciting and intense. The longer you go without an orgasm, the more sensitive and wound up you will be. This can lead to having A LOT of fun when you play with yourself, and even more fun when you have a partner to play with.
Method 3: Accept Who You Are
This is the toughest of them all. Again, it’s simple to understand but incredibly hard to actually follow through with.
If you feel awful for masturbating to a certain thought, or type of porn, the only way to truly overcome it is to embrace that aspect of yourself. If you constantly deny yourself, telling yourself, “This is wrong,” then you will never be free of the shame.
However, if you take the mental leap and confront it, you will find comfort in your acceptance. You need to look yourself in the mirror and say, “Hey. I like this stuff. It doesn’t make me a bad person. It doesn’t mean I’m disgusting, or gross, or a sicko. It’s just what turns me on, it’s what I like to think about when I’m in private. It’s okay to have kinky fantasies.”
It’s very difficult to admit this to yourself, and if you are someone who has already done this, I wholeheartedly congratulate you.
With this post I have tried to explain post-orgasm shame, and I’ve given some suggestions on how to lessen its impact.
I hope you have found this post helpful in some way. Everyone should feel comfortable with their own interests and desires, and I hope my suggestions can help some of you to achieve that.