This is a common issue for lots of couples. Here’s your solution. Show him what I’m about to write. Of course someone else asked me this question, it wasn’t you, right? Maybe it was, but it’s very unlikely, this blog has thousands of followers, anyway… here’s what your boyfriend needs to know.
Why you should be denying your girlfriend/wife her orgasms – some advice for the guys
So, you’ve probably just been handed this by your girlfriend/partner/wife with her saying, ‘you should read this, I’ve been trying to say this but he puts it better’ or something like that.
First let me emphasise that you, whoever you are, are a very lucky man. Your woman is into one of the best kinks around which is going to have the effect of giving you more hot sex than you have ever dreamed of. Really, of all the things she could be into, this is one of the best for us guys.
(Let me also quickly add if you’re a lesbian couple you can easily translate most of this to your situation. Just I’m writing as a guy, it’s what I do.)
Even though they won’t know why, you’re going to be the envy of your friends who know anything about your sex life. And most of all you are going to have a lot of fun and get even closer to her by making her fantasies come true.
Sound good? Then let’s read on.
Your girlfriend (I’ll just use that term whatever your relationship is) is into orgasm denial. You may know this already from what she’s said to you, or this may be a complete surprise.
Orgasm denial is the fact she loves to be taken close to cumming, but not allowed to go over the edge. That’s right, she wants to be left feeling horny, wet, desperate. And we’re not just talking a few times during sex when you make her cum at the end, although that’s a great way to start exploring this.
Now, if she’s shown you this, she probably wants more than that. She wants you to not let her cum at all during sex. To leave her like that, during the day, overnight. As the original girl asking the question suggested, days, even weeks or a month.
Crazy huh?! Yes, I know it sounds that way but it really isn’t because while she’s giving up the short term pleasure and release of an orgasm, she’s learnt that she feels even BETTER if she’s just left horny. Guys tend to get ‘blue balls’ if this was done to us (although lots of guys are into it to) but women are different, they often get an almost ongoing natural ‘high’ from being left horny and denied.
What’s in it for you?
Enough about benefits for her, let’s focus on the benefits for you of trying this out.
You are going to get a sex-crazed, constantly horny girlfriend who is absolutely obsessed with doing anything she can to please you, sexually or otherwise.
This is the stuff that dreams are made of.
Let me paint just a few scenarios:
More blowjobs than you can imagine – If you leave her denied, horny, thinking about sex, she HAS to put that energy into something. Most of all, that’ll be your cock. Maybe she’s good at head already, maybe she needs to improve. You can tell her. Either way, she will get much better and do it much more.
What do I mean when I say much more? Basically on demand. After a few days of denial she will want to suck your cock pretty much whenever you want it.
Fancy a movie, or some Xbox? Would it be better with her on her knees between your legs, sucking on your dick? Yeah, probably. Usually, but not always, let her play with herself. It’ll only make her hornier.
Give her a bit longer denied and she’ll probably happily suck your dick as you watch porn. Let this sink in…if you don’t let her cum she will be turned on by sucking you off, while you watch porn.
You never need to masturbate again.
If she’s got room to improve her technique this is perfect. As you can tell her to go and ‘edge’ (read more of the blog to understand that better) while she watches oral sex training videos. Oh, you didnt think she was into watching stuff? Just wait till you read the rest of this blog SHE JUST GAVE YOU.
Those things she won’t do in bed, she’ll start doing for you
Anal, deep throating, cum swallowing, anal and did I mention anal… as time goes on and you leave her horny she will start to be prepared to do more and more of what you fantasise about.
Now I’m trusting you to be responsible with this. You’re effectively making her into a little denial addict, constantly horny, it massively lowers her resistance to trying things. Don’t abuse it… too much! Don’t just dive in and expect her to be able to do these things. Just make it clear you want them, that you’ll explore them together, and drop in the fact her orgasms are going to be very related to how well she performs.
Think that’s exploitative? Just ask her now. Ask her how much this turns her on, being denied and turned into your perfect little fuck toy.
In fact, why don’t you get her to suck on your dick right now as you read the rest of this. Just get it out, she knows what to do. She’s read this so many times before she gave it to you she probably knows the rest by heart.
She will put so much more effort into how she looks for you
Maybe she does this already but most relationships get comfy very fast. When she’d denied she will get back into putting lots more effort looking good for you. Whether that’s keeping her naked more (seriously, if she’s comfortable with her body she’ll probably crave this) to wearing lingerie, to dressing up just to show what a hot girlfriend you have so you’ll be the envy of your friends.
What you shouldn’t let her wear too much is panties. It seems a common desire to be kept ‘commando’ when on denial. Ask her about it, but no panties under skirts, or even in jeans so she rubs on the seam, are things she fantasises about but is rarely brave enough to try. She needs you to tell her.
Yes if you’re doing it right she’ll get so horny that sometimes she’ll literally drip down her thighs, but part of her loves that too.
At the risk of sounding like an asshole, denial can be great for getting her to develop good habits and discipline too. Maybe that’s keeping fit, keeping tidy, studying, eating healthily, etc. This is just a wonderful new motivator…‘Did you get that revision done; did you drink enough water; how many times did you get to the gym this week baby? Didn’t we say four if you even wanted a chance to cum?’ Etcetera.
Some key facts for you to understand about denying her
It takes more than just not letting her cum during sex to deny her
She needs a bit of a routine. I make the girls I’m training (yep, they beg me to do that, it’s a hard life) ‘edge’ themselves first thing each morning, last thing at night, and a couple of extra times during the day at a minimum.
You don’t have to do all that! Buy her a nice little vibe (see my recommendations page) and she can do most of them. Personally when I’m denying my wife she wakes up first, edges herself quickly with her hands, then wakes me with a blow job. She will do another at work, a third when she gets home and showers, and then I’ll take the lead in the evening.
She wants to be able to beg to be allowed to cum and hear you say ‘no’
I know, counter intutive, but she will love asking, and WANTS to hear you say no. They just find that super hot. Trust me. If you ask her now if that’s true she probably just dripped down her thighs at you even asking.
While I think of it, maybe you might want to tell her to finger fuck herself as she sucks on you. It’s cute, she’ll do it in time as though you were fucking her from both ends.
If you fancy it, make her show you the mess she makes on her fingers. If she’s horny enough she’ll even lick it off while you watch. See what I mean about this being the best kink?!
This is probably part of a bigger desire to be submissive to you
Orgasm denial is part of a bigger kink of you being more in control of her. That can mean a whole world of things, so I won’t make any assumptions, but there’s LOTS of those ideas in this blog and others on tumblr, so at some point, get her to start a ‘secondary blog’ on tumblr which you both can share, and she can post things into it that turn her on. Or just read through this blog together and she’ll point things out (denying her makes her SO much relaxed about sharing her fantasies and desires with you, just watch).
‘Yeah but I really like making her cum’
Okay, I totally understand that. There’s a masculine desire in most of us guys to prove how good we are in bed, to ‘win’ the game by making her cum. But if she’s given you this to read it means that when you decide to ‘win’ like that every time, she feels like she’s losing. So all she’s asking is will you give this a go, for her? It’s got to be worth a try?
‘I don’t want her to turn into some super slut’
Here’s the big difference, she doesn’t want to be A slut, she wants to be YOUR slut. It can be absolutely secret. All my friends know is my wife and I have an amazing sex life, they don’t know why. And honestly that makes it all the more fun. She will try absolutely anything, and if she doesn’t like it, that’s cool! But yeah, we’re nearly 40 and we have sex virtually every day, and that’s not even including the daily blowjobs and all the other kinky shit. Again, if your woman is into this you are a fucking lucky bastard. Don’t squander it!
‘What if I don’t like it, I don’t want to disappoint her’
That’s very sweet of you but what’s not to like. You simply stop short of letting her cum, at least sometimes, and in return you get a girl who wants to please you and do all kind of crazy things with you.
Worst case scenario it might just be something you do to her occasionally as part of your sex life. Best case scenario you both love it and it unlocks a whole new level of pleasure and excitement for you both.
So what now?
Still not sure if this is for you? Let her show you how much she wants it. If she’s not down between your legs already, ask her to go there now. Remember, she has read all this, 100 time already, before she got up the nerve to show you. She’s read it, and knows this is going to happen, and has given it to you anyway.
Now, tell her to strip if you’d like that. Don’t ask, just tell her, ‘Strip for me baby’
Just enjoy this, she’s wanted this for so long, look at that wonderful mix of excitement and nervousness. If you’ve got this far and are actually doing this, it’s her dream coming true.
Now tell her to play with herself as you ask her the following questions. If you want her hand stroking your cock as she answers just tell her. Now ask her things like:
1. How long have you wanted this, tell me how you got into it?
It’s useful for you to get some context
2. How serious are you about this?
Her answers might range from ‘it just seemed like a hot fun thing for us to try’ to ‘I have never wanted anything more’. Again, good for you to know.
3. What have you actually tried so far? How does it make you feel?
It may be it’s just a fantasy so far (in which case she’s pretty damn brave giving you this!) or she’s secretly been doing it for years, and wants you to be part of it. Find out how long she’s actually denied herself for, and how she uses denial play already.
4. How long do you imagine me denying you?
Whatever she says, remember the answer is up to you. She might say ‘a few days’ which is easy. Potentially she might say she fantasises about never being allowed to cum again! Normally it’s between a few days to a month.
Whatever it is, with this kink you are very much in charge. You make her cum, when you want it. But as you discover the benefits of not letting her you may find that’s less often than you thought!
Make it happen
I’ve just given you a LOT of information, and it’s really just the tip of the iceberg for how you can enjoy this kink together. Your next step could be to read through this blog together, and get her to tell you the things she find hottest. That’ll be a great start. And then, just try a few of them out.
Just be aware of how much of a risk she’s taken giving you this. It might be one of the bravest things she’s ever done. Even if you’re not quite sure how much you like the sound of it, I really encourage you to be positive and say you’ll try it out and see how you get on.
However, if you’re getting as excited about trying this as she obviously is, it’s pretty hot to do something to mark you both deciding to explore this together.
She should have been playing as she answered your questions. If she has a vibe you may want her to get it. Either way, you could try something like this.
Tell her you want her to get near the ‘edge’ for you, get her to suck or rub you if you fancy it. Maybe take the chance to read this again if she needs more time. Then you might say something like
‘Do you want one last orgasm baby, one last cum before I start denying you for longer and longer?’
She might say ‘no, please deny me’ but the funny thing with denial sluts (yep, that’s what she is…) is they LOVE to beg to be allowed to cum, only for you to say ‘no’. This is one of the things you have to learn, when does she really mean it. Part of her always will, because it feels great, but mostly she hopes you say ‘no’.
Either way, tell her to get to the edge, and tell her to ask you for permission to cum.
Now it may be you want to watch her cum like this. In which case just say ‘Cum for me baby, keep your eyes open and look at me as you cum’.
However what she really wants is to hear you say ‘Stop now, you’re done’. Look at that amazing mix of frustration and joy on her face. Get used to it. She can’t believe it’s happening.
Now make her suck and rub your cock till you cum in her mouth, or fuck her if you prefer. That’s right, empty your balls in her dripping little fuck hole and know how desperate she is for more but how much she loves not having it. And if you choose her mouth, make sure she swallows. That’s not optional any more, denial sluts always swallow.
Congratulations. You’ve just fulfilled her fantasy! Now the two of you have to see where you want to take it. So cuddle up, talk through how this was for you, and maybe browse through more of the blog if you’re in the mood.
Whatever happens, don’t let her cum today! Trust me, you wait till you see how she is in the morning…
Can I ask for your help?
I’d like to ask you a favour. If you’ve used this as a couple, as it was intended. PLEASE can you just drop me a message on Tumblr to let me know. I have no idea how much demand there might be for this kind of advice. Alternatively, if you wanted to use this, but for some reason couldn’t (circumstances or something I’ve included in it), can you also message me to help me improve them in the future.
If there’s demand I’ll write more specific advice for couples, if not, or in the meantime, there are so many ideas on this blog you can adapt and explore together.
Good luck as you explore this together. If you have any questions she’ll know how to send them to me via the Tumblr system, or email me at email@example.com