I’m sorry to hear that.
You seem to be taking the right approach, you need to take your sexual pleasure as first and foremost your own responsibility and really figure out how to masturbate.
That takes two things, to work it out physically, but also the emotional/mental side, which is particularly important for women.
Physically, pretty easy really, get a good vibe like any of the variable speed Rocks Off bullet vibes from somewhere like Lovehoney, and go to town. Small circles on your clit as you build up speed, pressing it on harder sometimes and perhaps varying it with playing at the entrance to your pussy.
if that doesn’t get you there then a Hitachi Magic wand which plugs into the mains supply almost certainly will, those things could get an orgasm out of a stone.
But that might not be enough, because as I said the mental aspect is very important. You need to get horny! Only you can figure out what that requires, reading erotica, looking at images, videos, or just finding some peace and quiet and gently touching yourself… You need to find a way to get yourself into a positive sexual headspace.
For more tips just google ‘How to masturbate’ and for more on the emotional side search Amazon for ‘not orgasm’
Once you get your head around and find those orgasms then you can start to help hubby know what you need and how to make you cum. The main thing is going to be talking to each other, about what you need emotionally and physically, Share the things you’ve discovered, let him tell you what he wants.
And as for denial, sure it might have a place. For helping you be horny and maybe for him too. Check out a new blog http://keephimcaged.tumblr.com/ on here for some ideas from a married couple doing that.