Hi, and thanks so much, the blog is pretty new too so it’s great to know it’s helpful! Congratulations on introducing it to your marriage, I’m sure you’ll both reap the benefits.
So, when we think about orgasms after denial there’s a few things to consider…
Firstly you need to think about how you’re going to break the news. This is surprisingly important.
1. Knowing in advance when they can cum
So this works well for women who are new to denial, as they have an idea of how long they have ‘to last’. That makes it easier.
It also works for others who just get off on having a certain amount of time they have to last.
It doesn’t have to be time either, it can be diabolically twisted to set a number of edges before orgasm. So then they have to choose between edging lots for a shorter amount of time, and being insanely horny, or spacing it out and having to wait much longer. I love that.
2. Not knowing when
I tend to find that those more experienced with denial prefer to NOT know when they are going to cum, but even have that part of the experience taken out of their control. Personally I like this as it leaves me to use my experience and intuition to figure out when I can make it happen, and more than that, it gives a true sense of HOPE to their begging. Maybe I’ll relent, maybe this will be it. That’s hot.
3. A mix of both
What I tend to do is keep it open ended for most of the time and then make it clear a day or two before I’m going to make them cum so that she will have the excitement of knowing that is coming but not being quite there.
Try all of them and see which works for you guys!
Now we get to the nub of your question which is how to make her cum after denial.
The KEY THING you need to remember, especially after extended denial (which can be anything from a few days upwards) is that the first orgasm MIGHT not be very good. That’s not always true, but the longer the denial, the more likely it is.
As far as I can see it’s basically because your body is out of practice! You may have edged so many times it’s just got used to that, and an actual orgasm comes as a surprise.
If you’re an evil bastard and like the mind fuck you might only let her cum once, make sure it’s not very good, and then say, ‘looks like your body prefers denial, darling, just edges from now on for you I think’.
However, on the whole the very simple answer is to make her cum lots of times! If the first one wasn’t mind-blowing, the second, third, fourth, all will be.
Don’t fuck around TOO much with holding her back once you’ve let her cum the first time, just enjoy the orgasms together.
The one important thing to make use of when you’re doing that last stimulation (and this applies to ruined orgasms as well as full ones) is that, unlike any other time, you can take her closer and closer to the edge without worrying about going over. So just explore that, making her hold on until she’s completely losing it and then whispering those words, ‘Cum for me now’.
Whatever you do, don’t make her feel bad about cumming if she does slip over the edge when you’re doing that, tell her she can cum and just go with it as though you planned it.
In terms of practicalities, I’m a fan of hands on… When you bring her to orgasm there’s nothing like doing it with your fingers, lying beside her, looking into her eyes, seeing her beg for that last time, kissing, smiling, teasing, knowing it’s going to happen, and then watching her go over the edge. But you can use vibes, you can fuck if that’ll do it, just I like the control on that first one that fingers bring. Then for the follow up orgasms vary it, use toys, fuck, whatever, until she is utterly exhausted and wants to just curl up on you and tell you how much she loves you. Don’t forget to tell her how proud you are of her, how much denying her has excited you, how beautiful she is then and now, she’ll absorb everything you give her and adore it all.
I hope that helps!
James