Day 3: June 9

June 9th 16:40

Today has been, well… eventful. If you don’t know what I mean by that then you haven’t seen this. But anyways, I mean eventful in more than one way. After I had contained my excitement from the earlier events, I got the first edge of the day. I was told to take my time with it. I made sure to use all three speeds of my vibe, fucking and on my clit. And oh my god it felt so good. Until, of course I had to stop. Which I did successfully today actually; hard edge but not to the point where I’m legitimately scared I’ll slip. Of course after an edge, the only thing I want is more touching. So, even though I knew the answer would be no, I asked again right away, and was shut down as expected. 

A little bit later on, I got a text from Sir asking if I wanted that second edge. I agreed enthusiastically, as I had been entirely prepared to beg and offer anything I could think of to get one. I thanked him and went to get my vibe, except… my phone buzzed. “Use your ass this time”. I haven’t used my ass in days, weeks maybe, and I don’t like using it even when it has been prepared and stretched. (Although apparently if my pussy drips and I moan when I use it, that means I like it. So if you asked Sir, he’d probably disagree with me.) But I really didn’t want to and it was gonna hurt from not being stretched, so given what I got away with yesterday, (as told here) I figured I could get out of it. Worst case scenario I’d have to do it. That was not what happened. With just one exclamation of “Now!” I was sentenced to a ruined orgasm, then stuffing my pussy with the plug, 30 minutes playing with my (currently very sensitive) tits, and no touch while he’s gone. 

The thing is with ruins for me is I generally hate them, but if I get to a certain point I will beg for them. This point is the absolute peak of desperation for me. It’s when I’m so desperate for something, anything, that even a ruin is welcome. Sometimes it’s because I crave any sort of stimulation, but it’s mostly a matter of time. If I’m denied long enough, with minimal but existent edges that I have to beg for, and a whole, whole lot of teasing, I will beg for a ruin. Currently this is not the case. I was allowed a full orgasm about a week ago, and I’m getting at least 3 edges a day, with infrequent teasing. So this like most ruins was devastating. Just the huge drop right when I expect ecstasy. If an edge is like telling a kid you’re giving him ice cream but not actually having any ice cream, a ruin is like telling the kid he’s getting ice cream, giving it to him, but then grabbing it and smashing it on the ground. Weird metaphor I know, but that’s the only way i can articulate it.

June 9th 21:20

Ok, to be totally honest, I’m in a bit of a denial haze and my thinking isn’t working really well. In short, 1 ten minute bounced edge, 30 minutes of teasing my tits with the vibe, and 3 edges although maybe it’s 1 bounced because they were only about 5 minutes apart. All of that without once touching my clit. Then I was told to plug my pussy… with the vibe… on speed two…and finish the blog. 

Firstly, it’s very difficult to write with the vibe in my already over-sensitive pussy. I’m forgetting how to spell simple english words and typos galore, so i’ll try to fix it up a bit later.

 It seems that in the last few days it has come to Sir’s attention that I have been focused too much on my own pleasure and not enough on my purpose; giving him pleasure. This became clear when I asked why suddenly he was being so strict and I was greeted with a very blunt reminder of my place. “edging isn’t always about you.” I already knew what the next sentence was. “I don’t want you to lose sight of your real goal, or did you forget already?” Well it seems that I had forgotten. And though I had some idea of what he was going to say, I wouldn’t risk being wrong. He explained that my goal was his pleasure, and implied the purpose of the teasing I was to be subject to. I was already trying really hard to behave to avoid ruins, but this reminded me and I’m trying my absolute hardest to be good.

Bounced edges are really hard. Especially when I’m already at a certain level of desperation. I was instructed to bounce it for ten minutes with my pussy and my ass, no clit. Just edge after edge, never stopping touching but never cumming either. In my current state, it was torture. Immediately after, I had to start teasing. I was already so sensitive and my pussy was full and my clit ached, but teasing my tits when they’re so so sensitive and right after that edge oh my god i don’t have the english words to describe it. I actually started begging to stop teasing because it was driving me mad. The touch of the vibe on my nipples, (pause mid-sentence for yet another instructed edge. *3 minutes later* uhhh what was i even saying. fuck… i… ummm… *10 minutes of recovery time later*) and running my fingers so lightly around my tits. All it did was take the ache in my clit and turn it into a pounding throb that made me want to touch it more than anything else. 

Side note: Honestly, I should be used to it by now, I’ve been doing this for 6 months. Yes you get used to it, to a point. But even factoring in the getting used to, after a period of not doing a ton of denial it’s a lot more intense. Especially edging every day. (Which was never something I never reliably did. I’d usually get in trouble somehow and lose edging privileges.) Adding together the facts that I had a month of relatively relaxed denial, cumming every few days or weeks etc. and that I’m edging more, I think the intensity is justified.   

Anyways, after the teasing I started to beg. Beg to cum. Beg to edge just one more time and maybe that will satisfy the ache, despite it all edges past only making it worse. Beg to touch my clit, to have it have any stimulation at all. It throbs infinitely even at this very moment, 2 hours later. Well, I kinda got what I asked for. 3 more edges. Just a simple command, no matter how much I begged to cum, to have free reign over edging for a night, to touch my clit. Just edge. And it felt so good and even after i reinserted the plug my wetness dripped down, making a wreck of my panties. Soon enough, I stopped being able to form proper sentences. My pleas for release reduced to single word texts. That, I’m used to.

I think that’s all for today. It took way too long to type that. I kept forgetting how to spell things. I didn’t do the challenge today because I don’t have anyone i could tell really. But I don’t think missing this one is a big deal. This post is already horrifically long and I was told to have it finished by tonight. But now that I look at it, these are really  quite long. Maybe I should ease up and shorten them. If anyone has any strong opinions about feedback, or any feedback at all, it is encouraged and I’d appreciate it a lot because I am the tumblr equivalent of my grandfather on facebook. I kinda get it, but I’m a noob.

I got my ice cream, I got my ice cream, I’m gonna eat up all my ice cream.
You don’t have no ice cream, you didn’t get none…

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