James, I just read your post about using vegetables properly ?. Many years ago I worked in an emergency room. 2 incidents happened that should serve as a warning. A girl used a FROZEN hotdog and it froze to her labia. A woman used a Jack Daniels bottle and the cap cap off inside her. Both very embarrassing things when you got to go to get them removed. So teach them wisely.

Thanks @jafotou, I forgot hotdogs. Frozen, just bad idea. I’m sure I posted about how to safely make an ice dildo at some point but with any ice play, the thing has to be melting before it’s safe to use near any skin. Oh and mayonnaise is a laxative, don’t ask me how I know, but it did involve someone with food fetish.

Good point on caps too, condoms really should be used on things like that. Any caps or the rings around the top of bottles is asking for trouble. It should also be well cleaned first, we don’t want you getting poorly.

Ultimately, ladies, if you can, try and be brave and buy proper sex toys. They are so cheap now, you can get a good dildo for the price of a few coffees.

Oh and here’s a great tip that I think I forgot to say before. If you’re worried about someone else in the house opening the parcel, you tell them ‘oh I ordered you a gift, so please don’t open anything as I don’t want to spoil the surprise’. But yeah, you do actually have to buy them a gift too of course.