Oh Anon, don’t get me started. I could write an essay on this, a whole book in fact.
Yes, absolutely you should get to know them first. The trouble is one of supply and demand, there aren’t many doms around, and there are lots of submissive women wanting one.
This leads to the Fine Line dilemma. That is, there is a fine line between a dom, and an asshole. And most of them are just assholes.
You see it’s very easy for some horny asshole to just label his dumb, abusive behaviour as ‘oh hey, I’m a dom!’ and it apparently make it okay. It obviously doesn’t, but you lovely subs are so keen to be dominated that you, over time, lower your standards and hope against hope that the next guy will be a real dom and not an asshole. Sadly the odds are against you.
So what’s the answer?
Firstly treat anyone who labels themselves a dom but acts like a dick as a dick, not a dom (English followers just laughed at that for reasons the rest of you will never understand).
You deserve respect and attention as a human being before any D/s goes down, and if they can’t give you that then fuck ‘em (as in, you know what I mean).
And honestly if the dom stuff is the only thing you have going on and you have nothing else to talk about then it doesn’t bode well either.
That’s not an answer, i want an answer
Okay, fair point. So here’s my real answer, but you might not like it.
Your best bet in finding a dom, is making your own.
‘Noooo, don’t tell me that’ I hear you cry, ‘I want a ready made dom to control and enslave me!!!! I don’t wanna make one!’
I know, but welcome to life. If you want the good stuff you usually have to work at it.
You need to find a good guy (or girl), who does want to get to know you as a person, and maybe he’s dominant, he’ll usually, but not always be an ‘alpha’ type personality, although some will surprise you.
The criteria should be ‘do they have the potential to be a dom, not ‘are they a dom already’. That’s going to be an early criteria in whether you’re into someone, but it’s not the only thing.
You should have lots in common, ideally actually live near each other, and slowly get to know each other and explore love, sex and D/s and grow into it. OMG it’s almost like having a relationship and then getting your kink on! (It’s exactly that).
As to how to then train them up, well that’s a subject for another post, and perhaps a book – seriously. But keep chasing me on it, I’ll see what I can come up with. And it absolutely is possible, I know because I help women do it. Before I ran this blog and got swamped by desperately horny young women (and don’t get me wrong, I LOVE you all) I actually spent a lot of my online time helping married women who were looking for a dom (bad idea) to actually get their husbands to dom them instead. (I’d deny them too, don’t worry!). But it was damn successful (and hugely satisfying). So yeah, I speak from experience.
What if I like girls?
For those interested in dommes much of the same applies except dommes tend to be fake not because they are assholes (unless they are a guy pretending, lots of those, be warned) but because they are actually a whore who wants money from you.
Besides that, you get some real ones, but they are fucking psychos, like really off the wall dangerous nutjobs. I don’t know what it is, but the scariest people I’ve ever encountered in the kink world were dommes. So yeah, you’re not safe just because you like boobs.
So guy or gal, dom or domme, please be careful my lovely followers, I don’t want you getting hurt. (And I don’t just mean emotionally, these people can get under your skin and fuck you up).
Of course there are some real, ready to go doms and dommes out there but they are very, very rare. Just think about it, if they’re real then the likelihood is they’ve been snapped up already and the subs who have found them are going to make VERY sure they aren’t getting away.
So let me point you to my post about the quite well known ‘Acid test’ as to whether someone’s for real and red flags to watch fo:
Actually that’s a really good post, you all need to read it! I’m ordering you as a DOM!