Hi Anon,

Thanks so much for the question, it’s a really good one.

So firstly I want you to try not to worry about it. You are new to this, going over the edge happens all the time, it’s what your body is used to so try not to feel guilty or a failure when it does. This is about having fun and enjoying your body so just accept you’re learning this and it’s not some big disaster. I’m sure your boyfriend is delighted with the fact you’re even trying! I know I am.

Okay, so some practical steps.

The number system. I recognise this is a very masculine way of dealing with things but I find it helpful for keeping control of your edging. Imagine zero is no arousal at all and 10 is when you go over the edge into orgasm. You may find you’re about 3 or 4 (or 7 if you’re a real denial slut…) just before you do anything if you’re feeling horny anyway. When you masturbate, and you’re struggling with accidentally going over the edge, don’t be going all the way to 9 all the time, try and get yourself to 7 or 8 and staying there for most of it. Taking yourself right to the edge IS hard, as you’re finding, and takes quite a lot of practice for some, so just be okay with feeling great but not dangling yourself right on the edge and taking the risk of going over.

What you’ll find is that you can keep yourself well aroused and stimulated at an 8 and then, just for little moments, speed up, and push yourself up closer, but then let yourself come back down. Like if you’re on a high building and you just take little peeps nearer the edge, but without risking going too near. 

Over a few days this will have pretty much just the same effect as really ‘hard edging’ would on keeping you horny as fuck waiting for him to come and ‘set you free’.

Also, you may find vaginal stimulation works better for you and is harder to go over the edge, so try getting yourself close with clit stimulation and then switching to fingering, a dildo or using a vibe in you, and that may give you a safer edge.

If you do think you’re going to go over the edge, you can try stopping it by giving your mound a good firm smack! That can work, as can pinching your thigh or clenching your pelvic muscles REALLY hard like you’re stopping peeing.

If you DO cum by accident you can explore the effect of ‘ruining’ it, which is where, as soon as you go over the edge, you stop stimulating at all (this may be what you mean by ‘losing it’ in your question, I’m not sure). This can have hugely different effects on you, some of which suck. I’ll write up on that another time. But a key effect is you stay pretty much as horny (once you recover) as you were before, so it’s not ‘wasted’ your previous edges.

Your boyfriend will be just as interested in the effects it’s having on you NOW as how it is when you get together, so keep him updated. Little messages about how horny you are, how it makes you want him, what you imagine him doing to you, how wet you are. He will LOVE all that. Also, we tend to love you begging to cum when you’re not allowed – but if he’s new to this too make sure you clarify first. So message him ‘whatever I say, don’t let me cum, okay?’ and then later on, send him begging messages telling him how crazy it’s making you and asking for release. So hot.

My other bit of advice would be, assuming you’re enjoying this, and you’ll have at least a few days together when he arrives, is to ask him not to let you cum when you first get together. Try enjoying at least one love making session where he is the one who takes over the teasing, where you see how being just that horny and denied makes you when you’re with him. Be prepared to go wild.

I hope that helps,


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