Hi Anon,

You are absolutely still a virgin, so no need to worry about that. It’s possible you just tore your hymen a little bit as it’s a very delicate bit of skin, but that’s nothing to worry about, fingers, tampons, toys, will all do the same. None of that means you’ve lost your virginity. The guy definitely won’t be able to tell, and honestly it sounds like it’s a good thing you’re thinking about this and exploring and understanding your body better before you take that step with him.

I encourage you to read this helpful little article:

http://www.ourbodiesourselves.org/health-info/what-exactly-is-a-hymen/

I love the way she describes virginity, which is, “I believe that virginity is what the individual thinks it is” – i.e. it’s much more than a little bit of membrane in your vagina, it’s about you and your emotional connection with your sexuality, and what you decide to give to this lucky guy you’re with. My own straightforward definition would be that you do not lose your virginity until you’ve had a penis, inside your vagina. Nothing else affects it.

Can I also say that you make sure you are being safe, using protection from both sexually transmitted disease and pregnancy as you take this amazing step. Finally make sure you are absolutely certain it’s something you want to do and not feel pressurised into doing this before you want to. If the guy is the right guy to do this with, he will completely respect your timing.

I hope that helps. 

James

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