Welcome to a whole new world of fun and frustration!
Here’s some tips on how to get started and then some other thoughts about it all.
The first denial session
- Start slow, talk about the idea as you start to play one time, and make it a bit of a game, see how long you can keep her denied, just within that session. It doesn’t matter if she goes over by accident, it’s just fun!
- Use the number system if you find it helpful for her to say how close to orgasm she is, 0 is nowhere, 10 is orgasm. Your early objective should be to get her and keep her at about a 7 or 8 and with faster stimulation just push up to 9 sometimes. In time you’ll both learn to keep her at 9.5 for a long time!
- If she cums, it’s not over, just try edging her again. There will be a moment where she just suddenly relaxes into it and realises it’s not about building to the orgasm, it’s about how good it feels right now!
- Think about her denying you too early on, take turns ‘edging’ each other
- When she’s at the edge, just quietly whisper in her ear, ‘What if i didn’t let you cum, what if I didn’t let you cum, for a whole day… Do you think you could stand that, would that be hot?
And hey presto, that’s your next session planned!
Extending to a whole day
- So, start her off in the morning with a nice simple edge. Pick a day you’re home so you can do it again once or twice during the day. It doesn’t have to be a serious session, it could just be you pushing her up against a wall and ‘topping her up’. Then come evening plan to spend two hours driving her crazy. If you don’t go down on her, learn to!
To edge a woman with your mouth will make her love you forever, I kid you not. See if you can take her to the edge multiple times, three or four (you can overdo it) at most. Encourage her to be vocal, and if you do it already, restrain her arms to make it more intense. Don’t introduce that if it’s new to you both.. Keep telling her how horny seeing her like this makes you. Then finally, when she’s begged enough, make her cum, three or four times. Hands, mouth, toys and cock. - In regards to fucking her, mix that in as a tease when she’s really in the zone. Try the old classic of just letting her take the tip of your cock, and gently fucking that until she’s begging for more. Then do nine shallow strokes and push it in deep. The noise she’ll make at that point is one of the most heavenly imaginable. But then, go back to shallow, 9 more, then deep, then maybe a deep every five. Just have fun teasing her with it. And yes that takes a lot of self control on your part!
The question of whether to cum before or after her is up to how she is after orgasm. I’d normally make her cum first, give her a couple of orgasms and then fuck her brains out to finish, but it can be incredibly sexy to cum in her while she’s still denied. Your call! - Cuddle a lot afterwards, she will need it!
Taking it to the next level
- If she loved the day of denial, the big step is to try out 3 days. I find something happens when a woman’s been teased and denied for about three days. Something kicks in that means she starts to get this constant ‘high’ from it, an ongoing buzz where she is horny all the time, and physically wet between her legs. I usually tell my wife, ‘Welcome to how men feel all the time!’
- A standard routine would be edge her in the morning, play together or she do herself twice more during the day, and then a long tease and denial session that night.
- Remember the emotional side is just as important as the physical. So lots of cuddles, touching, encouragement, compliments, gifts, all added to the sexual teasing, and she will adore it. Try writing her notes, yeah, actually pen on paper (she’ll keep them forever, it’s adorable)
- You might want to book a room for the third night when you do let her cum, even if she’s quiet as a mouse when that long denied orgasm finally comes, it’s likely the neighbours will know about it!
Once you’ve managed three days the world’s your oyster. Talk about it throughout, find out what she likes, if she wants more, what works best for her. Try a week, try two, a month… figure out what works best for you both. Take note of how she responds at different times of the month – are some good, are some a BAD idea? Explore ruined orgasms, find out how they affect her, it varies hugely. And feel free to take breaks whenever you need it. It can be quite addictive, I warn you now.
Some other tips
- Consider Ben Wa balls as something she can wear to keep her stimulated during the day
- Use the times you’re edging her to get her to tell you her fantasies and desires. Do NOT repeat these back to her outside of sexual times unless you’re sure it’s okay. ‘Nightingale song in the morning’ as it’s called is a bad idea.
- It’s likely she’ll want you to take control in other ways too. If you think that’s the case try simple stuff like not letting her wear panties, picking her underwear, her clothes (some women will hate that though), smack her bottom gently during the day as you walk past, tell her how denying her makes YOU feel, compliment her, surprise her with flowers or dinner or a gift, and absolutely be strong when it comes to bedtime.
- Having her wear very sexy underwear under normal clothes is super hot for you both (but make sure they’re comfy too!)
- Start a shared Tumblr blog that’s private to the two of you and both share sexy and romantic and denial oriented things you find.
- Invest in some good toys – the Rocks Off USB bullet is our go to vibrator, it’s beautiful, powerful, quiet and has some incredibly teasing patterns (and is currently 25% off at Lovehoney (UK site anyway). But we have a mains powered wand too which is mind blowing! Do not buy the original famous Hitachi wand as it only has two power levels and is no good for denial play!