So wait, is Oz a website or a metaphor, I’m unclear…

Despite that, what an interesting question, I expect we’ll have lots of different opinions on this.

Consent is such a fundamental issue to kink, but it’s also complicated when it comes to the question of where do we draw the line. If you’re being so aroused that you’d do things you normally wouldn’t, is that okay? Is it pushing you past your limits, or is it actually liberating you to be honest about what you really want?

When it’s your own body’s chemistry causing you to do things you wouldn’t is that different from outside forces?

Can we draw a parallel with alcohol, where I’d guess most of us would say consent is valid if someone was tipsy and so more open, but negated if someone is properly drunk? Where does that THAT line begin?

You may have noticed that I’m posing all of these as questions, because the answer lies with you. What do you feel is okay? 

Denial is remarkably powerful. Don’t underestimate it. 

For those who take to it, I’ve seen it have amazing impact. Successful, professional women liberated to explore their darkest fantasies; vanilla (but curious) wives transformed into desperate little sluts for their amazed husbands; innocent, sweet virgin girls unleashing the full power of their sexuality, upon themselves and others.

It’s why, rather than Oz, my favourite analogy for female orgasm denial is that of Alice, falling down the rabbit hole.

Welcome to Wonderland.

The more you edge, the hornier you get. The hornier you get the more you edge. The longer you’re denied the more you want to do kinkier things, and as you enjoy being kinkier you want to be denied even more.

It’s fucking awesome.

And you’re right to be scared. Or excited. It depends on you.

If you want to go deeper, explore further, experience more, then denial is a wonderful vehicle to carry you there.

If you don’t, or you’re scared of where that might take you, then it’s probably best to play safe and maybe enjoy a little denial occasionally but not push yourself any more than that.

For me this is why doing any sexual exploration, and especially BDSM and denial play with someone you trust and who knows what they are doing is so important. Someone who is ultimately looking out for you above their own needs and desires.

The type of control described in the article you reference isn’t particularly my cup of tea, but there was one quote I loved:

In short, control is not making someone do something they do not want to, it is making someone want to do something they previously did not. That is control.

If you trust the person you’re with to do that to you, with your best interest at heart, then denial shouldn’t be terrifying, but exciting.

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